I Wanna Be Sedated

We were all sitting in the game room, talking and laughing. Just having a genuine good time. Until Vic showed up. He explained that Mike was supposed to apologize and that he just wanted us to hear him out. Fuck that. A few minutes later, Mike came in. His eyes were red, puffy and swollen, as if he'd been crying. His hair looked like he'd been trying to pull it out. He had switched out his usual tank top and skinnies for a sweatshirt and sweatpants. He looked horrible.

"Listen guys, I know you all probably heard about what I did to Tony. And I know all of you most likely hate me now." His voice broke. Shit. "But I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt Tony. I'm sorry I hurt you, too, Chris. I'm sorry I'm so stupid and rude and I'm sorry that I fuck every thing up. And I swear, if I could, I'd kill myself right now, because I deserve it. And if any of you hit me or call me out of my name, it's okay, because I deserve it. And if you all stop talking to me, it's okay, because I deserve it."

By now, he was crying. Tears streaming down his face. I have never seen Mike like this. So broken and vulnerable. So pissed, at himself, of course. Just so, so BAD. Everything about him screamed 'I hate myself. I wish I would just die.' And that hurt ME. Because, yes, he was an ass. And yes, he's been treating me like shit. But I knew what it was like. To have no one, nothing. To feel alone and useless. And I'd never wish that on anyone. Not even Mike. Which is why I did what I did.

I got up, walking towards him. When I stopped in front of him, he flinched like I was going to hit him. But I couldn't. One thing my parents taught me before they dumped me in here is to never, under any circumstances EVER, kick someone when they're already down. So I did the unthinkable. I gave him a hug.

He tensed, then relaxed and hugged me back lightly.

"Don't tell me you're going to forgive that dick!" Jaime exclaimed. I stepped back, and looked into Mike's eyes.

"Yes, I am. And Mike, I know what you're thinking. Don't overdose on your meds, don't slam your head into the wall. Don't hurt yourself in any way. You know why?" He just shrugged. "Because you don't deserve it. No one does." I saw a tear roll down his face, and I wiped it away.

"What the fuck Chris?!" Jaime again. "How can you just forgive him after what he did to you?!"

"He can forgive him, the same way I can." Tony spoke up.

I looked at him, and we locked eyes. I smiled at him, and he returned it.

"Jaime, Mike fucked up. I know it, you know it, hell, even Vic knows it!" Vic nodded, agreeing with Tony's statement. "But you have to learn to forgive and forget. So, as your best friend, I'm asking to just forgive Mike. You don't have to be his friend, hell you don't even have to looked at him. Just forgive him. Please."

Jaime looked at Mike. He stared at him for a while. Then, he spoke up.

"You hurt my best friend in the worst way possible. You caused him to relapse after being three months free of cutting. You hurt Chris as well. Not once, but twice. Yet, for some reason, they forgave you. I don't know why, but they did. And if they can, I guess I can too. Just get one thing straight Michael. You hurt either of them, or anyone else in this place, and I will not hesitate to deck you in the face. Got it?" Mike nodded. "Good." Jaime turned back to the game.

I walked past Mike, and headed up to my room. Since Ricky was downstairs, I'd have it to myself for while. Or so I thought. My hopes were cut off by a knock at my door.

"It's open!" I called out. The door opened and Mike stepped in.

"H- hey." He said, hesitating at the door. I smiled.

"Hi. You can come in, if you want to." I said. He stepped in and shut the door. Then, he smirked.

"That's what she said." I had to laugh. Of course Mike would make a 'that's what she said' joke.

"Hey! Don't be sexist! He could say that as well!" I said.

This time, Mike laughed. He laughed. After all the shit that's happened today, he laughed. And I caused it. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. He returned it for a few seconds before it dropped.

"Listen Chris, I just wanted to say thanks. You know, for what you did out there." I nodded, then sat up on my bed, signaling that he should sit across from me. He did. "Also, I'm sorry. So, so fucking sorry. I've been such a dick to you. And you were right, you didn't do anything to me. It's just that, Tony seemed to like you so much, and I was so jealous-" I cut him off.

"Actually, Tony made it pretty clear that we're just friends. That kiss was just him helping me sort out my sexuality. As for the wink? Well, Tony was just being Tony."

Mike looked lost in thought. Probably regretting everything he said to me. All the bad thing, at least. Then it hit me, Tony was the reason he went from barely looking at me to calling me a freak. Not that I was blaming Tony, because I wasn't. I just realized that it was his jealousy. Before Tony and I became friends, me and Mike didn't even talk. And when I told him about what Tony said, he kissed my head. Damn, jealousy can really fuck a person up. Wait, jealousy...

"Why are you even jealous of me Mike?" I asked, looking at him. He stared back at me.

"Why wouldn't I be? You're so sweet and kind. You may keep to yourself, and you may be kind of intimidating, but you're a complete sweetheart. Plus, let's face it. You're pretty cute." He admitted, blushing and looking down.

"What the fuck are you on?" I asked. His head snapped up. "Mike, I am nowhere near 'cute'. I mean, you're beautiful. You're drop dead gorgeous. Besides, you were right. I'm nothing but a fire- loving freak. Even if Tony did like me, I don't deserve someone like him." Mike stared at me, completely silent. I was getting uncomfortable, so I looked down.

"How did you know what I wanted to do? How did you know I was going to hurt myself?" He asked. I looked back at him. How did I know? I shrugged.

"I don't know, just a feeling I guess." He looked away, thinking it over, then nodded.

"I was wrong about you Chris. You're not a fire- loving freak. You're an amazing guy. And I'm glad I got the chance to talk to you." He looked back to me. "And I hope one day, when we get out of this hell hole, that we can go drinking or partying or something." He said. I smiled at him.

"We could both start a band. Go on tour together or something." I suggested. He smiled back at me.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect." He mused.

I sat there, thinking. Me and Mike, starting two completely different bands, yet touring together. Being friends . Getting out of here. I didn't know if all of that really would happen, but a guy can hope. I knew one thing, for sure. I'm glad I forgave him.