I Wanna Be Sedated

I opened my mouth...

"Vic... I, uh. I." I couldn't speak, I was too nervous, too scared. What would he say? I mean, it was sort of a lot of guys. What if he called me a whore? Or a slut? What if he never speaks to me again.

"It's okay Tony. You don't have to tell me. I was just curious." I shook my head. I needed to tell someone at some point. Might as well be Vic.

"The guys, they went to my school. There, uh, there was a few of them. Ronnie, Andy, Phil, Jona.... They all just used me." I whispered, avoiding eye contact.
"How? If you don't mind my asking." He seemed reluctant, like he didn't want to push me too far. Like he didn't want to hurt me.

'They all want to hurt you, idiot! He's just trying to get close, so it's easier for him! He doesn't fucking care!' The voice hissed. Oh God, what if it was right?
'I am right Antonio. Stop right now. You'll regret telling him. He'll go back and tell everyone. He'll kick you out, call you a slut. Stop, now.' It whispered.

I shook my head, and gently pushed Vic. Not enough to make him fall, just enough to get him away.

"We should go to bed." I said, dryly. His eyes widened.
"D- did I do something Tony? Are you mad at me? I'm conf-"
"Just go Vic!" I shouted. I was getting mad.
"Tony, please. Just talk to m-" This time, I shoved him off of my bed. He jumped up, anger burning in his eyes. Oh shit. No. Please, no.

"Antonio!" He screamed.
"What the FUCK is your problem?! All I was trying to do is help! You know what?! Fuck this!" He took one step toward me, and I cowered in fear, squeezing my eyes shut. He was going to hit me! Just like Ronnie did... I had to beg. Fuck.

"Vic, please! I'm sorry! I'll never do it again!" Images of Ronnie beating me filled my mind. No. Not again.
"Don't hit me! I won't ever do it again, just please! Please, don't hit me.." I begged. After a while, nothing happened. I opened my eyes to find Vic standing there, staring at me in shock.
"You... You thought I was going to h- hit you?" He asked. He sounded hurt. I laughed humorlessly.

"It wouldn't be the first time someone did it." I said, coldly.
"Who hit you." He whispered. It wasn't a question, so I wasn't going to answer it.
"Vic, I don't want to talk about it, okay? Just forget I ever said anything. Forget I even exist." I mumbled the last part, but he heard it.
"How can I Tony?" He asked, coming closer. I cocked an eyebrow. He sat across from me on my bed.
"How can I forget someone as perfect as you exists?" He specified.

'He's lying!' The voice was back. Fuck.

I know he's lying, I thought. Vic's eyes widened. Had I said that out loud?
"I'm not lying Tony, I swear. But of course you don't believe me, so whatever. Goodnight, Antonio." He got up and went to his bed. I stripped, went under my covers, curled up, and fell asleep with one thought on my mind.

I fuck everything up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time Lapse, morning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up in a cold sweat. I was shaking and crying. I was scared out of my mind, and I don't know why. I couldn't remember my dream. I just knew it was bad. I looked for Vic. He wasn't in the room. What?

"You know."A voice started. I turned toward the door. Vic. "You slept through breakfast." I shrugged. A fatass like me didn't need to eat.
"Well, everyone's in the game room. We're getting to know each other better. You can come with, if you want." He said. He sounded hopeful, so I nodded.
"I just need to shower and brush my teeth." I said. He nodded.
"Do you want me to wait for you, or..?" I shrugged again. I got out of bed, and Vic choked on air. I shot him a questioning look.

"You.. You... You sleep naked?!" He whispered- yelled. My eyes widened. Shit. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my waist, blushing furiously.
"S- sorry. I should really stop doing that." I said, embarrassed. Vic shook his head, probably to forget my disgusting body.
"Actually, I wouldn't mind waking up to that every morning." He winked. "I'll be in the game room, Tone." He left. So many things ran through my mind, but I pushed them aside.

I showered, brushed, got dressed, and headed to the game room.

"Tony!" Chris screamed. I smiled. I missed him. I went over to him and gave him a hug, sitting next to him.

"So! How about we do nicknames from our old schools?"I turned to the voice. Alan, of course.
"My nickname was, uh, Tigerbolts." Vic said. Everyone was quiet, then we busted out laughing.
"I was Turtle." I said.
"Turtle?" Chris asked. I shrugged.
"I was always quiet and shy, so Jaime gave me that nickname and it just stuck." I responded. He nodded.

"I never had a nickname!" Austin whined.
"Me either" Alex said, pouting. Apparently me and Vic were the only ones who did. Or so I thought.
"I was Blue Eyes." A voice whispered. Ricky. He was staring at his hands.
"Well I can see why Rick." I said gently. He looked up, confused.
"Your eyes are beautiful." I said. He smiled at me. The first time I saw Ricky smile since I got here, and I caused it. I smiled back.

"Awww!" Someone squealed. I turned my head. Mike.
"Shut up Mike." I said, laughing. He stuck his tongue out. Then I remembered my dream. Mike. He called me pathetic. He said that I should kill myself.

'You should.' The voice whispered.
'You were so close last time. Just do it again. Make sure no one can save you. Do it!' It demanded. It was right. I was close last time. So fucking close.

I had stepped out into traffic, and got hit. Blood was everywhere. I was sure I would die. But I didn't. And now, I wished I did.