I Wanna Be Sedated

I guess Chris could sense my sadness, because he asked me what was wrong. I assured him and the other guys that I was fine, just tired. I got up and left, deciding to head to my room. I laid on the bed and just thought. About the dream, about my attempted suicide, about my fucked up life. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." I said. Vic stepped in, and I couldn't help but to laugh.
"What's so funny?" He asked, confused.
"Dude! Why'd you knock? This IS your room too you know." He smiled.
"Well you said you were tired, I was just making sure I didn't walk in on you naked. That'd be something I do NOT want to see." He joked. My smile immediately dropped.
"Am I really that disgusting?" I whispered to him. His eyes widened.

"N- No Tone. I didn't mean it like that. I- I was just joking around." He stuttered.
"Yeah, right." I muttered. He frowned at me.
"I'm not lying Tony." He stated firmly. I snorted a laugh.
"No one said you were. Looks like someone has a guilty conscious." He rolled his eyes.
"Whatever Antonio." He said, going over to his bed. After a few seconds, his phone beeped.

I rolled over on my side, facing away from him. Then, I heard sniffling. And a loud, painful sob. I jumped up, facing Vic. He was clutching his phone, staring at the screen. He looked pale as a ghost, and that's saying something considering he's tanner than me, Jaime and Mike. I got up and went over to him.

"Vic?" I asked, gently. He didn't respond. I sat down across from him.
"Vic, what's wrong?" He shoved his phone in my face, tears streaming down his. I read it.

From: Dad
You're a disgusting excuse of a man. You make me sick. You and your faggot ass brother. You're no sons of mine. I have no children. You can both rot in hell. As a matter of fact, why don't you just go kill yourself. No one would care, pussy.

To say I was pissed would be an understatement. But right now, Vic needed me, so I set the anger aside. I grabbed his phone, erased the message, and just held him. I let him cry it all out. When he was done, I realized his breathing was even.

'He's asleep.' I thought. I gently picked him up, and pulled back the covers. I slipped off his Vans and laid him in the bed, tucking him in. Then it hit me. If his dad sent that message to Vic, did he send it to Mike too? Shit. I ran out of our room, stopping at Mike's. I opened the door and saw him talking to Kellin. He seemed happy. He looked over to me.

"Hey Tone! What's up?" He asked. Then, the dream came back in flashes. I pushed them aside. I had to protect Mike.
"Hey Mikey. Can I see your phone? I wanna put my number in." He shrugged, then handed me his phone without checking it. I looked at. the screen.

New Text Message: Dad.
I erased it, put my number in, then handed it back to him. His phone was on silent. It's a good thing I got here when I did.

"Well, I'm gonna go talk to Chris for a while. I'll see you guys later, yeah?" They nodded, then said bye.

I made my way to Chris's room. I just needed someone to talk to. I knocked twice, then opened the door. Chris wasn't in the room, but Ricky was. He looked up at me.

"Chris is in the game room with Austin playing some video games." He said, softly. In the time that I've been here, I had never talked to Ricky that much. I decided now would be a good time.
"How do you know I'm not here to talk to you?" I questioned. He frowned.
"No one ever wants to talk to me. I'm too much of a freak." I swear I felt my heart break.
"Do you mind if I sit with you?" I asked. He shrugged.

I sat on his bed, right in front of him. I wanted to hold Ricky. I wanted to see him smiling and laughing. I wanted him to just be happy, because he deserved it. And I was going to do my best to achieve that.

"Ricky, you're not a freak." I whispered.
"Then why won't anyone talk to me?" He asked, his voice breaking.
"I don't know. Honestly, I don't. But maybe YOU should talk to THEM. Step out of your comfort zone. It'll be worth it, I promise." He looked up at me.
"But what if they don't like me." He asked softly.
"How could they not like someone as awesome as you, hmm?" I said, ruffling his hair a little. He just stared at me.
"Why do you even care?" He asked.

"I care Ricky, because I see a guy who's hurt. Someone that needs friends. People to make him know that he is important. Because you are important Ricky. I don't want you to feel as sad as you are now. I mean, I know you're depressed, but I want to help you. And I will, no matter how long it takes, because I know that you need someone to be there for you."

He had tears rolling down his face. He held me tight, and started crying. I just rocked him back and forth, telling him things would be okay. And they would be, because he had me now. And I would never abandon him like his parents did. And I'd never hurt him either. I shifted our position so I was against the headboard and his head was on my chest.

"You know Ricks, one day we're going to get out of here. Not just me and you, but all of us. We're going to make something of ourselves." I remembered that I hadn't heard from my parents since I got here.
"And we're going to be better than our parents ever were. I promise." He held me a little tighter, so I continued.

"One day, you're going to meet a guy who treats you like a king. He's going to love you, cherish you. You will be the most important thing in his life, I promise. And he will be there with you forever. Through your ups and downs, because he loves you. There's someone out there for everyone Ricky, and when you meet your Prince Charming, never let him go. Because he'll never let you go. Ever." I said. He looked up.

"Well, there is this guy that I like." He whispered, a slight blush on his cheeks.
"Who?" I questioned. When he said the name, I couldn't help but to smirk.
"I see. Want me to sing you to sleep? I don't think I'm good, But you look like you could use a nap, and this is the best way." He smiled, then nodded. He laid back down, and I started singing one of my favorite songs.

"When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven."

By the time I finished the chorus, I could hear Ricks even breathing. I got up, laying him on the bed. He shifted then muttered something that made me roll my eyes with a smile on my face.

"When I wake up, I'm going to give you so much hell for being a Red Jumpsuit Apparatus fan." He said sleepily.
"Whatever Ricky. Sleep tight." He whispered a thanks, then was back asleep. I left his room then went to go find a certain guy. Time to play cupid.