I Wanna Be Sedated

I woke up cuddled into Tony. I couldn't help but smile lightly and stroke his cheek. He was still asleep, so I gave him a light kiss on his forehead. I got up, and put on some sweats. I decided to talk to Jaime. there were still a few things I had to know about my boyfriend. My boyfriend. I could still feel my heart skip a beat at the thought. After throwing a beanie on my sex hair, and putting on some cologne to hide the sex smell, I went into the game room.

"Hey Jaime, can we talk for a minute?" I questioned. He smiled at me, and nodded.
"Where do you wanna go?" He asked. Shit, Tony's still asleep in our room.
"Take my room bro!" Mike shouted. I looked at him.
"You sure? You don't mind Kellin?" I asked. Kellin shook his head. I gave him a grateful smile and walked toward their room with Jaime behind me. We went into the room, and Jaime took a seat next to me on Mike's bed. I'm sure he won't mind that either. Jaime spoke up first.

"So what's up Vic?" He asked. I chewed my lip before making eye contact with him. Deep breaths Vic.
"There's some things I wanna know about Tony..." I trailed off. Jaime frowned.
"Look Jaime-." He cut me off.
"My best friends call me Hime." He said, smiling. He already considered me a best friend? Wow.
"Alright, Hime. I know it's not your place to say, but I feel like Tony is too scared to talk about his past. But I wanna know so I can help him. I mean, he told me some things, but not others." I said softly. Jaime nodded.
"Well, what did he tell you about?" He questioned.
"He told me about the bullying at school. Then, he brought up some of these guys, but when I tried to ask him about it, he got really... defensive." I said. Jaime sighed.
"I'll tell you some stuff Vic, but not all of it, okay?" He asked. I nodded.

"Where to start." He whispered, looking down. I sat there, patiently. He took a deep breath, then started.

"Alright, well Tony's had a few exes. I'm sure you know about them. I won't say who did what, but they were all bad in their own ways. One of them, used Tone for sex. Literally, he had sex with Tony for a week, called him a slut, then dumped him. The sad part? He was Tony's first. Tony truly loved him, and he got his heart broken. Another one, used to beat Tony. Really bad. Like Tony would barely be able to walk after he'd go visit him. It was so fucking bad." Jaime's voice cracked, so I wrapped my arm around him. He took another breath, and continued.

"One of them cheated on Tony, two weeks into their relationship. Two fucking weeks! Bastard couldn't even wait for a full goddamn month! And one, fucked Tony up mentally. You ever wonder why he takes rude words to heart? Like when your brother called him a freak?" He laughed harshly. "His ex called him fat. Said he was ugly and disgusting and that no one would ever love him-." He was cut off by a voice at the door.

"I believed him. Every word he said, I believed. I felt so low. Like I couldn't get any lower. My self- esteem was shit. I didn't love myself. I was repulsed when I looked in the mirror." Tony whispered. Jaime tensed and looked up.
"Tone, I-." tony cut him off again.
"It's okay Himes. I'll finish from here. Go hang with Kells before you have to leave." Tony said softly. Jaime hesitated, but left. Tony took his spot next to me.
"How many did he tell you about?" He asked.
"Four." I whispered. He nodded.
"Which ones? Besides the last one." He questioned again.
"The one who beat you, the one who used you, and the one who cheated on you." I said gently. He nodded again.
"He didn't tell you about the one who raped me." He said coldly. I froze. He- He was raped ?!

"This guy, I met him about three months before I got here. He seemed so nice. So caring and considerate. He knew about my cutting and my self- hate. He helped me, a lot. He was the sweetest guy ever. Until he got drunk. Then, he'd completely lose his mind. He didn't really hit me that much. I mean, he would, just not as bad as Ronnie, the one who beat me. No, his thing was rape. He'd kiss me and say he loves me. Then he'd force himself on me, in me. He hurt me, so fucking bad. I- I just. I." He started crying.

I gently pulled him into my lap, and started rocking him. He buried his face in-between my neck and shoulder. I didn't say anything, I just let him cry it out. If I ever find any of the guys who hurt him, I'll kill them. How could they do this to Tony? Someone who was already so fragile. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves to be held and protected and cared for and loved. And I promised myself, right then and there, that I'd be the one to do just that. Tony was mine now, and I'd do whatever it took to fix him. To show him that he is capable of finding love. He needed me, and to be honest, I needed him to. After a few minutes, his crying stopped.

"I understand if you don't want a fat, disgusting, slut like me as a boyfriend. I understand if you want to break up. I- I understand if you hate me." He whispered. I held him tighter.
"You're not fat, you're not disgusting, you're not a slut. You're beautiful. You're amazing. I love you Tony, so much, and I'll never leave you. Never." I stated. He pulled his face away from the crook of my neck and looked into my eyes.
"You promise?" He whimpered. I nodded.
"I promise." I said softly. He kissed me, wrapping his arms around my neck.

I promise Tony. I fucking promise.