One Hundred Sleepless Nights

“I’m going to head over to Jaime’s okay,” I shouted so Jessie could hear me upstairs.

“Okay! Drive safe!”

After hearing her reply, I went to grab my keys from the kitchen counter and went out the door. I hopped into my black Bimmer and drove off to Jaime’s. We got back from our little getaway a few days ago and honestly, I miss my friends. I’ve been avoiding everybody because I didn’t want to have an awkward run-in with Cassie, but I felt like a total douche for just leaving my friends because of a mistake I did. Especially since we’ll be writing soon, I don’t want any tension between the guys and I.

I pulled up to Jaime’s driveway, relieved that I didn’t see Cassie’s car anywhere. I got out of the car and walked up to the front door, opening the door since it was unlocked.

“Hey” I said to Avela who was sitting on the couch, watching Sons of Anarchy on DVD with a bowl of popcorn on her lap.

“Hey, when did you get back?” She turned to face me, still stuffing her mouth with popcorn.

“A few days ago, I was catching up on some sleep” I smiled nervously. “Where’s Hime?” I tried to change the subject; it’s awkward if we talk about my trip with Jessie since Avela is Cassie’s little sister.

“He’s upstairs I think. Hold on, I’m gonna get him” She paused the DVD and ran up the stairs. Leaving me alone in the living room, standing awkwardly behind the couch.

I decided to head to the kitchen and fix myself a drink to avoid looking like a creep standing in the middle of the room alone. I grabbed a cold Corona from the fridge and pop the bottle open, taking a sip as I dragged myself back to the living room. I plopped myself onto the couch and propped my leg on the coffee table that has papers scattered all over it.

I glanced at the papers, it looked like bills and mails but there’s one mail that caught my eye. It was a vintage-looking postcard with a familiar scribbling on the back. I glanced at the stairs before taking the postcard; it was a picture of the red double decker bus passing through Big Ben, with a London stamp on the upper right corner.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Who does Avela know that lives in London?

I was going to put the postcard back to the table but before I did, I saw a familiar signature at the end of the letter and when I realized whose it was, I felt like someone just stabbed a dagger onto my chest repeatedly.

Hey sis!

Man, it’s only been a week here and I’ve already gone crazy missing you and the guys. I feel so British writing postcards and guess what? I’m drinking tea right now! Well, I don’t have a lot of space but I just wanna let u know I miss u and I wish this time difference isn’t such a bitch. Expect a long ass email from me! This is just me being all cutesy sending u postcards :)

Hugs and kisses!

PS: remember my address, so you know where to send me stuff :P xx

“What the fuck are you doing going through my mail Tony?” I snapped my head to see Avela standing behind me with her hands on her hips and looking extremely pissed.

I stood up, letting my phone fall to the floor. “What the fuck is this?”

“That’s MY mail, what are you doing reading them? Huh?” Avela walked closer to me, trying but fail to intimidate me.

“I wasn’t going to, then I saw Cassie’s signature. What is she talking about? Why is she sending a postcard from London?” I stepped closer, but keeping my tone in check.

“Now you wanna know? Hah, that’s very thoughtful of you. Now give me that, Jaime is almost done showering” She snatched the postcard from my hand and went to the kitchen. I wasn’t entirely satisfied with her reply; in fact, I was more upset and confused than before.

“What does that supposed to mean?” I followed her to the kitchen and she turned around suddenly, nearly knocking over the dish rack.

“What do you think Tony? I’m not talking to you about this; go ask your friends. I’m sure they know” She turned around again but this time I grabber her hand and spun her around.

“Tell me” I growled, gripping her hand tight, moving her back and trapping her between the fridge and I.

“Let me go, Tony. You’re hurting me” Avela winced and trying to pry my hands off of her.

“JUST TELL ME DAMN IT! What was she talking about!?” I slammed my balled fist onto the fridge door, inches away from her face, causing Avela to shriek in hysterics.

Then out of nowhere I could feel a strong hand gripping my shoulder; turning me around, followed my an angry first colliding with my jaw, knocking me down to the kitchen floor.

I instinctively put my hand on my jaw and I looked up to find an incredibly angry Jaime towering over me with his fists balled on his sides and Avela crying behind him.

“Get the fuck up” He seethed, pulling me up by my collar before placing another hit right on the apple of my cheek. Sending me tumbling backwards, hitting the kitchen counter.

“Jaime, enough” I closed my eyes to hold back the pain that were travelling from my cheek to the rest of my head and heard Avela pleading.

“What did he do to you? Did he hurt you?” I opened my eyes to see Jaime cupping Avela’s face, examining for any signs of injury.

“No, he just… scared me” She whimpered, and instantly I felt insanely bad for doing what I did to Avela.

I tried to stand up straight and I guess Jaime noticed me because he turned his head to my direction, still fuming with hate. He walked towards me and I put my hands up, to cover my face in case Jaime decided to throw another punch at me.

“I’m sorry!” I manage to slip that before Jaime took my hand and dragged me towards Avela.

“Apologize to her, now” He growled

“I’m so sorry Ave, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I lost control, I’m really sorry”

Avela looked at Jaime and then me, she then gave me an awkward smile and rubbed her arm. “It’s fine, I’m going to go upstairs. You two need to talk”

I nodded and Avela skipped up the stairs. When we heard the door slammed shut, I began to feel tense and terrified.

“What happened?” Jaime took a step back and crossed his arm in front of his chest, looking at me with the same hatred he had.

“I went here to hang out, since I just got back a few days ago. Then I found a postcard that Cassie sent from London, what is that all about?” I asked; feeling frustrated because I haven’t got any answer.

Jaime made a sinister laugh. “Now you care? Where the fuck have you been all this time?”

I was taken aback by his response. “Why does everybody keep saying that? What the fuck did I do?” I was getting a bit impatient.

“What the fuck didn’t you do? You fucked your best friend, you said you loved her then you left her for your girlfriend. What kind of person are you?”

I took a step back when I heard what Jaime had said.

“Oh you didn’t think I know? I know everything, and it’s a fucking miracle that I could still stand looking at you right now”

“How… What…” I couldn’t muster up words to form a complete sentence because of how shocked I was. Hearing what I did to Cassie coming from Jaime’s mouth made me realize how incredibly disgusting I have treated her all this time.

“Cassie left. She’s gone now,” Jaime said nonchalantly.

“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling unbelievably scared and dejected.

“While you’re off vacationing with your supermodel girlfriend, she left to go work in London” Jaime said, turning his back on me and began walking towards the stairs.

“You see, this is what happen when you think out of your ass” He turned around, chuckled and shook his head. “You have really lost an amazing girl, you know that right?” He shook his head again and went up the stairs. Leaving me surprised, with my mouth gaping open, alone in the kitchen.

What have I done?



I slammed the door of Jessie’s apartment and threw myself onto the couch. There are literally a million things that are going through my mind and all of them are about Cassie. I felt like my insides have been crushed and it’s crazy how I could be so ignorant to her feelings all this time.

“Hey, what’s with the door slamming?” Jessie came out from her room, dressed only in shorts and one of my KeyStreet t-shirt.

“Nothing” I mumbled my answer, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with Jessie’s nagging.

“What’s with the attitude?” She raised her eyebrows, from the sound of her voice; I knew she was clearly annoyed.

“I said nothing. Can you just stop?” I looked up to her.

“Why are you being such an ass, what happened at Jaime’s?” She crossed her arms.

“None of your business, seriously Jess. Just fuck off,” She gasped and I realized that I pushed it too far.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that” I stood up and tried to grab her hand but she pulled away.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I don’t want to talk about it” I looked away

“You’re acting like a total asshole, I think I deserve an explanation”

“It’s Cassie, okay. She left” I was hoping she would drop it after I mentioned Cassie, but I was wrong.

“What do you mean she left? Where did she go?” She took a seat on the arm of the couch.

“When we were off to Maldives, she left to work in London”

She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, the look on her face was a mix of surprised and guilt.

“She left?” She asked barely above whisper.

“Yeah, why are you so surprised?” I raised my eyebrows.

She stared at me for quite a while before finally broke her gaze and stare at her hands. “This is all my fault”

“What do you mean? None of this is your fault, what are you talking about?”

She chuckled and looked at me. “If I didn’t make you go to the shoot, things would’ve been different”

“You’re not making any sense Jess, what the fuck are you talking about?” I rubbed my face in frustration.

“You know, you are probably the most insensitive person I have ever met. Do you know Cassie is incredibly, madly in love with you?”

I stared at her in disbelief. How on earth would she know that?

“I don’t know”

“God Tony! You are unbelievable! Literally everybody could see that she’s crazy about you. Even I know and I’m not exactly that close with her”

“H–How did you know?”

“I went to her place once, asked her to help me with you because I wasn’t sure how to get your attention anymore. The way she talked about you, I knew that she wasn’t saying that because you’re her best friend. The way her expression changed every time we’re together, I knew she was jealous”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well what should I say to you? ‘Hey your best friend is madly in love with you, what are you going to do about it?’ is that what you expect me to say?”

“I didn’t–“

“And now because I took you away, you lost your chance to tell her the same thing” She stood up and took a step forward, closer to me.

“What do you mean?”

“I know you’re in love with Cassie, that’s why this is killing you”

I sighed and stared down at my feet, I don’t know what to say to that because she’s right, and she knows it. She grabbed my hands and I looked up to her smiling at me.

“I’m sorry Tone, if I hadn’t tried to make things right for us, you and Cassie would probably be together by now”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare apologize; I was the one being an asshole to you. I’m really sorry Jess. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I do love you”

“But not as much as you love Cassie” She shot me a sad smile again, “I know”

“I’m sorry” I pulled her into a hug.

“I’m sorry too, I hope you can find what you’re looking for Tone,” She said after letting go. I know by the way she said that that everything is over for us.

I gave her a sad smile, before heading out to the door. “I really did love you, Jess,” I said turning around.

“So did I” She smiled and that was the last time I saw Jessica Heatherton.

I hopped into my car and sat still, trying to process what just happened. I’m not one to believe in karma, that was always Cassie’s thing, but I couldn’t help but to think that this is the universe’s way of telling me how much I’ve fucked up. Not only I lost Jessie, but I also lost the girl of my dreams and in that process, I manage to piss off my best friend and possibly jeopardizing the future of the band.

I know I have a choice here, to do the right thing or to be selfish.

I could just be extremely self-centered, drowning my sorrows with insane amount of alcohol and talk about how miserable I am for losing everything.

Or I could try and make things right with my friends, and eventually make it right with Cassie.

I know it’s going to be hell trying to fix things with Cassie but I will get her back, even if it means I have to kill myself trying. Because I can guarantee you, she is worth it.