One Hundred Sleepless Nights

Behind every untrusting girl is a boy who taught her to be that way

I laughed along with her. “You don’t want to be a mom?”

She cleared her throat and gave me a weak smile. “I don’t think so, I mean, babies scare the fuck outta me and I don’t think I can handle them. I’m afraid I’ll end up like my mom and fuck up that kid for the rest of his or her life” She took a deep drag of the cancer stick.

Immediately I felt bad for bringing up that subject, I know it must’ve been tough going through what she went through, I don’t even think I could ever survive growing up without my parents. Growing up without my dad is already hard enough, I couldn’t imagine if I didn’t have my mom with me.

“I’m sorry”

“Nah it’s fine, but hey, look how I turn out!” She laughed. “Besides, to have a baby you have to be married first, that’s my number one rule. That’s also another reason why I could never be a mom, cause I don’t think I want to get married”

“Why not? I thought every girl wants to get married and have those expensive fairytale weddings and shit” I stubbed my cigarette butt onto the pavement.

“Well not me. After what happened to my mom, I don’t think I could ever trust anyone, or any guy for that matter, to commit myself to for the rest of my life”

“What if the guy turns out to be different?” I cocked my eyebrow, I felt a bit insulted somehow cause I don’t think I’m like what she described, yet she’s saying as if every guy in the planet are like that.

“I just can’t take that chance you know, I’ve had enough disappointment in my life. I don’t think I need another one, especially coming from a guy”