Passenger Seat

Drinking didn’t turn out the way I wanted. Instead of erasing my feelings it heightened them. I tried to fight it off for as long as possible, but when Max and Blue retired to her room, and it was just me and Dan, I broke down on him.

I don’t even know when or why the tears happened, but the next thing I know, they were pouring down my face. Dan, being the good mate he is, held me and told me everything would be alright. I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I just didn’t. I hated that I let Niall have this affect on me. I hated that I felt this weak over a stupid guy. Niall called me about three times before he gave up. It got worse when Dakota texted me saying she had talked to Niall and she yelled at him too. I know she was trying to help, but I didn’t want to hear that right then. Especially when I was already in a sea of tears. I didn’t even bother replying.

I eventually stopped crying with the help from Dan. We crawled into my bed and watched a movie as we fell asleep. It was nice having Dan there, I was lucky to have such an amazing friend who’d put up with me being that typical drunk girl that cried. But as we fell asleep, and he held me to try and comfort me, I couldn’t help but wish it was Niall with his arms around me instead, and I hated myself for thinking that after all of this.

But the raging hangover I had at work made it even worse. I was tired and had a dreadful headache, and just all around in a terrible mood. Niall called me a bunch, but I eventually just turned my phone off. About an hour before I got off at noon I lost it and snapped at a group of girls who had been whispering and staring at me all afternoon.

“What? What are you staring at?” I yelled across the whole bakery, scaring the girls right out the door. Aunt Jenny was furious at me and banned me to the back kitchen where I spent the rest of my shift making cupcakes and cookies.

“My office. Now!” Aunt Jenny demanded right as I was clocking out. I knew I was in trouble because she even yelled at me. I took a seat in her office and hand trouble meeting her eyes. “What happened earlier? Why’d you yell across my bakery at those young girls?”

I sighed rubbing my eyes, “I’m just having a shit morning, and them constantly staring and whispering was just not helping.”

Her eyes softened a bit, “I know that you’ve gotten some unwanted attention recently, but that doesn’t make it okay for you to lash out in my bakery. It’s bad for business Ayden.”

“I know aunt Jen, and I’m sorry. I just lost it, but it won’t happen again I promise.”

“What’s going on with you Ayd? You’ve been out of it the past few days.”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. Just off my game.”

“Does this have anything to do with Niall?”

I looked away from her, “Maybe… Yes.” I couldn’t lie to her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She was looking at me in such a motherly way, that I wanted nothing more than to tell her every little detail.

But I didn’t. I was just so tired of talking about it. I shook my head, “No,” I finally answered, “I’ll be fine.”

She gave a soft smile that didn’t reach her eyes, “Well if you change your mind, I always shave time for you love.”

I stood up and walked around her desk to lean over and hug her, “I know Jen. Thank you.”

“I love you kid.”

I kissed her cheek, “I love you too.”

*****

“Wake up!” Blue said jumping onto my bed. As soon as I got off work I went straight to my bed and crashed. And I really didn’t want to wake up right now. “I said wake up!”

I groaned, “No, go away!”

“Well excuse me for wanting to tell you that you were a trending topic on twitter, and tumblr is blowing up about you and Niall.”

Well that sure got my attention. I rolled over and sat up, “What?” I whipped the sleep out of my eyes, trying to wake myself up faster.

“Apparently Louis tweeted a picture of Niall earlier. He was wearing your hoodie or something, and said a cheeky comment about Niall wearing women’s clothes, I don’t know. And Niall reblogged it saying it was his birds, and it’s so obviously your hoodie, because I know you’re clothes, but there are also photos of you wearing it when you were out with him so now everyone online is freaking out because he basically called you his girlfriend!” She said all that in what felt like one breath.

It took a moment for all she said to sink in. I sat up more, “He what?” I reached over to grab my laptop off the floor and pulled up twitter going straight to his page. “There’s no tweet here Blue.”

She scoffed, “He must have deleted it. She grabbed the laptop from me, “Here, let’s go to Louis’.” When she pulled up his page she pushed it back into my lap, and sure enough there was the tweet.

@Louis_Tomlinson: Niall likes to wear women’s clothing!

I clicked on it so the picture would appear, and there was Niall. He was wearing my glamour kills hoodie which was very snug on him. He was smiling goofily at the camera while posing like a wrestler. I had completely forgotten I’d left my jacket there the last time I was there before I confronted him. What the hell did this mean? Was he trying to hurt me more by this?

“Go to tumblr,” Blue said breaking me from my thoughts, “There are screencaps of Niall’s retweet before he obviously deleted it.”

I opened a new tab and went to tumblr, “What should I search? His name?”

“Yeah or yours.”

I decided to search mine, and the first thing that popped up was Niall’s retweet from Louis. And he did call me his bird. “What the hell? He can’t just do that!”

Blue shrugged, “Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on but you should call him or something,” she said as she got up and left my room.

I grabbed my phone calling him. It went straight to voicemail. I groaned before I left an angry voicemail, “Hey, it’s Ayden. Where do you get off telling me we can’t be together because you’re leaving, then telling everyone on the planet that I’m your bird on twitter?” I groaned into the phone before I hung up.

I was seriously so confused. Just last night he was telling me again that we couldn’t be together, and now he’s telling twitter we are? Something’s not right. This isn’t fair.

I got up and walked into the living room where I found Blue on her laptop, “I’m right to be mad right?”

She shrugged, “Yeah. But maybe he has a good reason? Maybe this was his way of showing you he’s changed his mind?”

I scoffed, “But without asking me first? What if I don’t want to be with him?”

“Do you not want to be with him?” I didn’t answer, “That’s what I thought,” she smirked. “Yeah it was a dumb way to do it, but it did get your attention.”

Before I could answer I heard my phone ring from my room. I instantly took off back into my room to grab it. Niall’s name flashed on my screen.

“What the fuck Niall?” I said as soon as I answered.

“Look, can we talk? In person?”

“Why? Just tell me now what the hell happened on twitter today.”

He sighed, “Please can we just talk in person? Can I come over?”

I paused thinking it over. I wanted to say no. But at the same time I wanted to know what the hell he was doing, and why he seemed to love fucking with my emotions. “Fine. You can come over. But bring my hoodie with you.”

“I’ll be over in like 20 minutes,” he said before hanging up.

I threw my phone back on my bed before going back out to Blue, “Niall’s coming over to talk.”

She smiled and stood up, “I’m going to Max’s then. Word of advice,” she said putting both of her hands on my shoulders, “Hear him out. Stop running before he gets a chance to explain himself.”

“Okay,” I sighed.

She kissed my cheek, “That’ my girl. Oh and there’s condoms in my top dresser drawer if you need them.”

I pushed her off me, “Fuck off.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she laughed.

After Blue left the flat, I paced around waiting for Niall to show up. I had so many questions. Well it felt like I did, mostly it was just ‘what the fuck?’

When I heard a knock on the door I bit my lip so hard I was shocked there wasn’t any blood. I took a few deep breaths before I made my way over to the door slowly. He knocked again right when I got in front of it. I counted to three before I finally opened the door, and there he was.

He was wearing baggy jeans, surpas and a black jumper. His hair was messily styled atop his head, with his guitar in one hand and my hoodie in the other… he looked really good. He broke the silence after a moment, “brought your jacket,” he said holding it out to me.

I grabbed it tentatively, “Thanks. Come in,” I had trouble meeting his gaze. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I did. We made our way into the living room and I tossed my hoodie on the lounge chair. I turned and we were facing each other but I still didn’t meet his eyes. “So about twitter?”

He sighed, setting his guitar against the couch, “Louis found your hoodie in my car when we were at rehearsals. We were messing about and I put it on and he took the picture.”

I slowly brought my gaze to his. He looked so… open. “But what about what you said when you retweeted it?”

He ran his hand through his hair nervously, “I did it on impulse. I thought it’d get your attention since you wouldn’t answer my calls. But then I realized what a terrible idea that was and deleted it right after. But the damage was done.”

I looked down biting my lip, “Yeah… But what was that?” I looked back up at him, “Just last night you were telling me we couldn’t be together, and now this? What’s changed?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “Just… Dakota yelled at me when I was at Harry’s last night after I left the pub. She made some really convincing arguments.” He sighed and took a few steps closer to me, “I want to be with you Ayden. I do. But it’s just… I’ve never had to worry about missing anyone on tour except my family. It freaks me out just thinking about being with you and having to leave.”

“Tours not for 6 months though,” I said quietly. “Why’d you start this if you didn’t want to be more than just friends?”

“Because I like you. I wanted you, but I didn’t know how to have you. But then things changed, and you and I… we got closer.” He sighed, “But it’s like the worst time. Yeah tour isn’t for 6 months, but I’m leaving for Australia and America to perform on all the X-Factors soon. Then going back to the states for a few weeks to do promo to play Madison Square Garden. Then off to Africa for a few weeks. Plus going to Ireland to see my family, I’ll be here for only a few weeks at a time.”

“I get what you’re saying, yeah?” I sighed, “But you never once asked if I willing to deal with you leaving. And I know it’s going to suck. It’s going to be such a pain in the ass to be apart and on different time zones but I’d do it for you. Your band mates seem to handle it fine.”

“But they don’t,” he argued. “I’ve seen how it is for them and their birds on tour. They’re always having long phone conversations as the girls cry. I don’t want to do that to you.”

“You know me, I’m not one to let many people see me cry.” He was being so frustrating. What couldn’t he just be selfish and just want to try? “I just want to be with you Niall!” I practically shouted, “And that freaks me out probably as much as it freaks you out, but I’m willing to give it a try. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“I want to be with you too, yeah?” He was closer to me now, “But I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to deal with a long distance relationship.”

I shrugged, “Neither do I. We can figure it out together.”

He was looking at me with such hope in his eyes, “You say that now, but what about when I’m gone? What if-”

“Don’t think about the ‘what if’s’ Ni. Just live in the moment yeah?” I felt like I was fighting myself in a lot of ways here. I was terrified to become more with Niall, but I wanted it so much that I was willing to risk everything. But I wouldn’t just stand here and let him fuck with my emotions. I took a step closer to him. We were close enough that our chests were almost touching. “It’s simple,” I said, “You either want to be with me or you don’t. It’s not going to be easy,” I was using the words he told me not to long ago, “But it’s possible.”

His hand came up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear before he looked me in the eyes, “I want to be with you.”

My heart beat soared then, but I stood my ground before I got too excited. I needed to know what he really wanted. What we would be. “Really with me? Or are-”

“Be my girlfriend Ayden,” he interrupted. He was giving me this nervous smile.

My breath caught, and I was floored. Did I really just get what I wanted? Yes, yes I did. And I was standing here at a loss for words. Say something Ayden! “Um…”

His smiled turned into a smirk, “I finally grow some balls and all you say is ‘umm?’”

My face heated up in a blush. His thumb brushed across my cheek, so I knew he noticed, “I uh, okay.”

His lips were on mine pretty much as soon as I said okay. I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him against me completely. I was kissing Niall again, I was kissing my boyfriend! Nothing has ever felt so right. When his tongue met mine, I didn’t bother putting up a fight for dominance, I let him have it. His fingers pressed into the skin under my shirt on my hip as his other hand trailed from my neck to my back, pressing me closer to him.

We pulled apart after a few minute gasping for breath, “I missed that,” I said without thinking.

He chuckled, causing me to feel even more embarrassed, “I missed you,” he said against my lips before brushing his against mine. Before we could get into it again he pulled away, “I want to play you something.”

I couldn’t hide the excitement when he said that, “Really?”

He laughed at the giant smile that was spread across my face, “You’re so cute,” he said and kissed my forehead.

We sat on the couch and he picked up his guitar. Oh my god did he look so fit with it in his hands. He hit a few strings to make sure it was tuned correctly before he started strumming a very familiar tune. My stomach filled with butterflies, and my heart skipped as he sang the first verse.

“3am I’m outside your window, jump the fence, dad will never know, I fell in love with you I my passenger seat.” He looked up at me then, with this proud smile on his face. “And then you took control of the radio, turned on all the songs I know, oh I’m risking everything, but that’s all right with me…”

If this wasn’t already my favorite song, I think it would be now. As he continued to play just for me, here in my living room, with his cute Irish accent completely transforming the song into his own version- I think that’s the moment I knew. I knew that I could fall in love with this boy. The boy that had just fell into my life. The boy that didn’t just belong to me, but to millions and billions of fans around the world. I wasn’t sure when it would happen, but I knew it would, because I was already falling.

I was completely falling for Niall Horan, the boy that loved my aunts bakery. The boy that let me be a musical Nazi and let me completely nerd over music. The boy that would risk being seen just to go into a crowd at a rock concert with me.

Yeah, he may have jerked me around for a second, but I knew why he did it. Because I was scared of this too. I was terrified of dealing with what came with being with him- the fans, the media, and the distance. But I wanted to try.

I was so lost in thought, and in awe of his playing that it took me a moment to register that he had finished the song. “What did you think?”

“You… you learned how to play my favorite song,” I stated in shock.

He smiled at me, “I think at this point, it’s our song. We did have our first kiss while it was playing, and haven’t you listened to the lyrics?”

I blushed, “We’ve never fogged up any car windows.”

“We could,” he smirked. I scooted closer to him, and pulled the guitar from his grasp before I pulled his face to mine in a kiss. He instantly responded and pulled me onto his lap.

“You should play for me more often,” I said between kisses.

“Why is that?”

I bit his bottom lip, “Because it’s incredibly sexy.”

He groaned before kissing me harder. I started kissing down his neck when he spoke again, “Let’s go on a date.”

I pulled back to look at him, “A date?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “Like dinner.”

“In public?”

“Yes,” he laughed.

I bit my lip trying to hide the smile that was dying to appear, “Okay.”

Then his lips were on mine again.