Passenger Seat

Over the next few days I completely avoided Niall. He only called and texted a handful of times, but I just didn’t want to deal with it. I was angry still, and hurt. Mostly hurt actually, but I didn’t admit that to anyone but myself.

The bakery had a busy morning, and I was irritated with the teenage girls hanging around. I felt like I was under a microscope, and for what? Because I was just friends with someone? I didn’t have to deal with this, and I didn’t want to.

“You’re glaring off into space again,” Jess said coming up next to me. The bakery morning rush had died down, and probably would until lunch time.

I snapped out of my thoughts and tried to recover, “Sorry,” I smiled softly, “Just tired.”

“You sure?”

I appreciated her concern, but I really didn’t want to talk about it. I hadn’t talked about it since I stormed back into my flat after leaving Niall’s. I broke down on Blue, and it wasn’t a very classy moment I don’t think. “Yeah, I’m okay,” I tried to reassure. She didn’t look convinced but dropped it anyways.

“Okay, I’m going on my break,” she patted my arm, “Be back in 15 minutes.”

When she left I started whipping down the empty tables, just trying to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t get lost in my thoughts again.

I heard someone come through the door, “I’ll be with you in a second,” I called over my shoulder as I hurried to finish whipping down a table. Right when I finished though, Dakota and Danielle fell into the booth, “Whoa,” I jumped back in surprise.

“We heard what happened,” Dakota said. She really likes jumping to the point, that girl.

I looked around the bakery to see who was within ear shot, but there was no one in but a few older people a few tables down. “How’d you find out?” I asked when I turned back again.

“Niall told Liam while I was there,” Danielle said, “And Liam told Louis, and Louis told Zayn and Harry.”

“And Harry tells me everything,” Kota interjected, “So now we’re here to see how you are.”

I glanced around the bakery again, “I can’t really talk right now, but I go on lunch in like 20 minutes if you want to wait?”

“Yes, yes of course,” Dakota waved, “We also came to get something to eat anyways.”

I smiled at them, “What can I get your guys? It’s on the house.”

“You don’t have to-” Danielle started, but I cut her off.

“I insist. What are you in the mood for?”

“Cupcakes!” Dakota exclaimed. “But whatever you recommend, I’m down for anything right now!”

I laughed, “Alright. What about you Danielle?”

“Please, call me Dani,” she smiled, “And I’ll have whatever you recommend.”

I nodded and head back behind the counter to find something good for them. I put some cupcakes on a tray and also got them each a milk, then headed back to their table, “So I got you each a Peanut Butter and Jelly cupcake, and also this new one we just started selling. It’s devil’s food cake with brownie batter in the middle.”

“Oh my god, these look amazing!” Dakota said pulling her plate closer to her.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to pay?” Dani asked.

I shook my head, “Nope. Friends get things on the house. Well most of the time.”

The both smiled brightly at me, “Thanks,” they said in unison. I nodded and headed back to do my job.

After Jess came back from break and I finished helping the last few customers that had trickled in, I took my lunch. “You guys wanna come out back? It’s more privet,” I asked the girls when I got to their table. They got up and followed me out the side door to the back.

“So what exactly happened?” Dani asked when we sat on the bench.

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I asked him what we were and he said we were just friends because he didn’t want to just leave me when he left for tour or something.”

The girls exchanged confused glances, “He seriously said that? Tour doesn’t even start for like, a little over 6 months!” Dakota argued.

“That’s what I said,” I went on the explain everything that was said the other night. I even went in depth and explained how I went through something similar with Josh too.

“It’s just odd,” Dani said after I had finished, “He went through that rubbish with Demi, why is he being like this?”

“Maybe he’s scared?” Dakota thought aloud, “I mean Niall hasn’t had an actual relationship in a while, maybe he’s just hesitant to jump back in there.”

I shrugged, “Whatever it is, I can’t just be a warm body. No offence, but dealing the paparazzi and crazy fans so is not worth being dicked around.”

“No, I get it, believe me,” Dani sighed.

Kota sent us both sympathetic looks before she turned her attention to me, “I’ll try and talk to him, see what’s really up with him.” I just shrugged.

“What are you doing tonight? We can have a girls night or something, get you out of this funk,” Dani offered.

I smiled, “That sounds wonderful but I have plans. My friend’s playing a show at that new pub off South street.”

She nodded, “Well we should all get together soon yeah? Even if you and Niall are still… well we can all still be friends.”

“Thank you.”

*****

The talk with the girls helped some, but it really just brought the whole thing back to the forefront of my mind. After my lunch break, I was even more distracted and just annoyed. Jess kept giving me odd looks but I just ignored them. Aunt Jenny tried getting it out of me too but I just shrugged her off. I was done dealing with it today.

When I got home I turned on some music and just shut off the world. I wanted to be in a better mood for tonight. I was looking forward to hanging out with Blue, Max, Dan, Josh and seeing Elissa perform for the first time since her new album came out. I took a short nap then just laid in my bed and read until Blue came home.

“Okay, I know you’re having a shit time because Niall’s being a wanker, but I’m already sick of you blasting The Smiths. Bit depressing yeah?” She said walking into my room and shutting my iPod off.

I sighed, “Sorry.”

She looked at me with pity. I hated when people did that, her of all people especially. “You gonna be okay tonight?”

I gave her a weak smile, “Yeah. As soon as we get there and are around everyone my mood will lighten a lot.” She leaned against the wall and I told her about Danielle and Dakota visiting me at work.

“Niall will come around you know. Just try answering his calls.”

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah but I’m still pissed off.”

She shrugged, “If you say so. What are you wearing tonight?” she flopped on my bed next to me.

“I was thinking wearing a skirt, thick leggings and one of my old band shirts that I’ve cut into an off the shoulder.” I looked around my floor, “And probably low top converse.”

“Oh a skirt! You mean business!” Blue laughed.

“I got this black, flowy, lacey one a month ago and I haven’t gotten to wear it yet,” I shrug.

“I always love when you wear skirts, you should do it more often.”

“But jeans are so comfortable,” I whined.

Blue laughed at me, “You’ve got a good point. I’m gonna shower and start getting ready.”

After Blue left to shower, I took my time to get ready. I was excited to wear this skirt out for the first time, and there was no better time like tonight. The thick leggings were a must with the chilly London air, but I didn’t mind. I rarely showed off my bare legs anyways. I also wore my Ramones shirt I had modified myself. I made it an off the shoulder shirt, as well as sewed up the sides it tighter around my middle.

A little eye shadow, good amount of eyeliner and dark purple lipstick and I was good to go.

I walked into Blue’s room where she was just finishing getting ready. She was wearing a long, white, baggy wife beater with a giant glittery skull on it and Drop Dead bone leggings. She looked way cute.

“Lookin good Ayd!” She smiled at me through the mirror.

“As do you love,” I returned. I lay back on her bed and waited for her to get ready. I scrolled mindlessly through my twitter on my phone to kill time. But when I saw a tweet from Niall about partying tonight I turned it off. I didn’t want the thought of him to bring me down. I missed him and it sucked, but I really didn’t want to just be his friend he hooked up with.

“You ready?” Blue asked pulling me from my thoughts.

I smiled, “Yep.”

*****

The pub was bigger than I thought it was going to be, with a decent sized stage. I was really excited to see Elissa perform and judging by the size of the crowd, so were a lot of others.

We walked through the crowd and found the guys at a tall table near the stage.

“Heeey!” Dan cheered when he saw us approach.

“Finally,” Max whined. He kissed me on the cheek before pulling Blue into him.

“Hey, we’re right on time!” Blue defended kissing her boyfriend.

Dan pulled me into a massive hug, “Ayden my love I’ve missed you.”

“You saw me a few days ago.”

“Well I demand to see more of you!”

I laughed and turned to Josh, who greeted me with a smile and pulled me into a quick hug, “You alright.”

I shrugged, “I’m okay, you?”

“Peachy. Long hours in the studio have got me knackered though.”

“Bummer.”

Dan pulled me into his side again, “So Ayd, I saw you on a tabloid for the first time last week! Bought it and framed it and everything.”

I rolled my eyes, “You did not.”

“Yeah, I didn’t frame it, but I did buy it!”

“I was really on a tabloid? I had no idea.” And I really didn’t. I may have looked myself up on tumblr, but I hadn’t googled myself yet.

“Yeah, talking about you and Niall,” Josh said. “Mentioned me too.”

“Really?” I asked surprised.

Dan scoffed, “Hardly. They just said you have dated band members before. He wasn’t even mentioned.”

It bugged me to hear that magazines had found out that much of my life. I tried to shake the uneasiness when I saw Elissa coming over.

“My girls are here!” She cheered pulling Blue and I into a hug. “I’m so glad you could make it!”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Blue insisted.

“Yeah, no way!” I agreed, “You’re new album is fantastic by the way! I can’t wait to see you play some new songs!” The Franceschi siblings were very musically talented.

“Thank you darling, I’m excited that you’re excited,” she laughed, then turned to Josh. “And you, little brother, are singing a song with me, yeah?”

He rolled his eyes in a very younger sibling sort of way, “I told you I would didn’t I?”

“Oh my god, you’re playing ‘Salt?’” I asked excitedly, “I love that song.”

Josh nodded, “Yep. She all but demanded it of me.”

Elissa stuck her tongue out at him, “Well I’ve gotta go back and get ready. I’ll be on in a few minutes. I’ll see you guys after!”

*****

Elissa’s set was amazing. She had Josh come up and play her third song with her ‘Salt,’ which is such a beautiful song. Seeing the two siblings together in action was always a treat.

Blue and I danced around the whole time. Her and Max started dancing together, and it was so sweet to watch them. I was so happy my best friend had someone who loved her as much as Max did. I looked over and found Dan chatting up a girl, and even though I was happy he was getting out there and doing his thing, I felt completely alone. The heart breakingly beautiful lyrics, plus all the couples around me was a bad combination. My heart hurt thinking that, and then I was mad at Niall all over again. I tried to push it back out of my mind and pay attention back to my friends on stage.

Once the song was done, Josh came back down from the stage and stood next to me. Elissa started playing “Becoming The Enemy” next which was my favorite of her songs. I swayed a bit as I watched her and her band on the stage. She was in the zone and killing it. I turned and watched Max and Blue dance again.

“Wanna dance?” Josh said in my ear. I looked at him in surprise. Sometimes I hated that he could read me like a book while I never knew what he was thinking. He held out his hand for me and gave me a cheeky grin.

I rolled my eyes and put my hand in his. He twirled me around dramatically causing me to laugh. He pulled me close to him with one arm around my waste while the other held my hand in the air like we were at a ball. We turned slowly to the beat, singing along softly to his sister’s lyrics, watching the stage and laughing at each other at the same time. I loved this side of Josh, the carefree, dependable, always having a good time attitude was amazing.

He spun me again then dipped me dramatically. I blinked trying to unscramble my brain, and that’s when I locked eyes with Niall. I didn’t have time to register his look before Josh pulled me back up again. I looked over my shoulder to see if I had really seen him, and there he was. He rolled his eyes at me, shaking his head and turning around walking through the crowd.

I untangled myself from Josh, “I’ll be right back,” I said before rushing off after Niall. I could see him a few feet ahead heading for the back door.

I picked up my pace and got to him right as he walked out of the door, “Niall wait!” I grabbed his hand as we made it out the back door with a loud bang behind us. We were standing in a back carpark. When my hand had graced his he ripped it away from me. He just stood there with his back to me. “Niall what are you doing here? How’d you know I was here?”

“Dakota told me,” He turned to look at me. His face was almost void of emotion, but not his eyes. They had a look of hurt in them, and even a bit of anger. “I wanted to come and talk, try to explain,” he scoffed, “Whatever doesn’t matter now.”

He tried to turn away from me again but I stopped him, grabbing his arm, “Wait, why doesn’t it matter anymore?” I wanted it to still matter. I wanted it to with all of my being!

He pushed my hand off of him, “Because I walk in and find you in his arms,” he gestured to the pup door. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Niall, there’s nothing going on between Josh and I. Nothing!”

“That’s not what it looked like!” He yelled. “You’re all dressed up even!”

I glanced down at my outfit before looking back at him, “I don’t care!” I said raising my own voice. I was getting so angry, he had no right to be angry with me. “I don’t care what you thing you saw! God Niall, you really are an idiot,” a look of shock crossed his face before a glare set itself back in place. I rolled my eyes and continued, “I wanted you Niall. I still want you, but I’m not going to let you just have your way with me with nothing in return. If that sounds selfish, then fine, I’m selfish.” I sighed. I was suddenly so tired, “Do you know how hard it is to be friends with someone like you?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

I ran a hand through my hair, “I have to put up with strangers taking my picture. People slamming me on the internet simply because they think that being a ‘fan’ gives them the right.”

His eyes softened, “I’m sorry alright? I hate that you have to go through that, I am. But I don’t think it’s fair to be with you just to leave.”

I groaned, “Do you hear yourself right now? You do know you’re in a boy band that tours all the time right? So what’s even the point then?” I started walking back to the door to go back into the pub.

“Ayden wait.”

I looked at him over my shoulder, “You’re an amazing guy Niall. I like you, but I’m not doing this,” and with that I walked back into the club.

*****

“Don’t worry Ayd, I’ll find you a real man!” Dan said trying to comfort me. Max and Dan came back with Blue and I to our flat after the show. Josh went home with his sister. After my encounter with Niall, I caught the last few songs on her set.

“I don’t want any man right now,” that was a lie. Even after all the bullshit, I still wanted Niall.

“Maybe he’ll get his head out of his ass and realize he’s being mental,” Max said.

Blue, who was curled into his chest nodded, “Yeah, he’s probably has issues with relationships like you do.”

“You’re probably more alike than you think,” Dan said rubbing my arm comfortingly.

“That’s what I said!” Blue exclaimed.

I shrugged, “Either way, I’m just tired of the whole thing. He played with my feelings and it’s just not fair.”

Max shrugged, “I wouldn’t say he played with your feelings, he obviously really likes you too. He’s just… I don’t know.”

“I’m glad you’re all on my side,” I said rolling my eyes.

“We are!” Blue smiled, “we just think you shouldn’t be too hard on the kid. For now at least. He’ll come to his senses.”

“Can we just get drunk now?” I whined.

“Yes!” Dan said jumping up and heading for the kitchen.