Perfect Porcelain

Michelle's P.O.V.

I was gritting my teeth as I slid in to Ally's car. "Awh. Did I interupt Michelle-and-Josh time?" Ally asked, smriking and joking around, That only irritated me a tad more. "Yes. Actually, you did," I said through my gritted teeth. Ally looked at me, eyes wide. "I am so sorry, I was just joking. I didn't actually know-." and Ally stopped. I took a deep breath and washed away my anger. "It's ok, Ally. You couldn't have actually known." and like that the tension was gone. It was something I loved about us, we worked together that easily. I knew where we were going, I had the drawing in my bag and my mind was set. However it was a long drive to get there. So I let my head lay back and I closed my eyes.

My heart was still racing and my face was warm in the remaining trace of Josh's hands. No, this was wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Then why was it happening? I let my mind race through everything, every thought and memory and honestly, things were a bit blurry, but only if I tried to remember before the day I met Josh and the rest of the band, my brother's best friends that soon became mine as well. So I settled on trying to find a memory that didn't include Josh, and I was stumped because that simply didn't exist. There were so many memories. Literally it was like every moment we've ever spent with each other. I remembered last night, how it was incredibly calming to hear him sing to me and to have him run his hand through my hair. I could feel my heart speed up, and I took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

There was gap though, a huge gap in my memory. There were days without Josh, but just because he wasn't there doesn't mean he wasn't on my mind. In my mind he was right there with me. I felt bad, that he had told me before he blamed himself for my depression, and I told him it was for the best because then he wouldn't be here with me now. I felt bad, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep or eat or do anything but cry. I spent everyday listning to Fix Me and watching the old music videos and interviews. I tried calling to see maybe he would answer, but eventually my hope grew thin and honestly I called just to hear his voicemail. The day I found him standing on my front porch, I thought I had finally snapped, that I'd gone insane and was seeing things. I knew it was him though, I knew it, and I remember feeling warmth come back to my body and I let my instinct take over and I just cried. I remember how worried the others had been, especially Mike, and I remember the looks on their faces when they found me sobbing, but they could see him too, and that meant I hadn't gone crazy, Josh really was home.

I started getting better after that, it was like I had woken up after being broken down and inactive. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I needed Josh. He was the only one who could get through to me when I was being stubborn, we just fit like puzzle pieces. I never felt better until I saw him and when he was happy, I was happy. His smile lit up everything and his ice blue eyes could make anyone melt. I snapped up in the seat and my eyes grew wide. Ally looked at me smirking. "Has it finally gotten through to you that you love that boy?" she asked. I stared at her, shocked she knew. "I know how it feels. How do you think I met Kyle? He was my best friend and I was his. I never though about it, I was never jealous or anything. One day it just clicked and I realized everything we'd ever done together, every memory held sentimental value, held intimacy." and I could see her face light up at her fiancees name. I thought about what Ally said, and it was true. Even the things we did without thinking, the things we do involuntarily for each other, it only pushed the fact that I love him. "I can't believe it....: I whispered, "I love him.." I whispered, and let my hand lightly trace my lips, my heart racing at the thought of Josh and I on my bed not an hour ago. Ally once again smirked at me as she finally parked the car, "It all makes sense now, doesn't it?" she asked, and I nodded and just smiled. We walked in to the shop laughing, and it truely felt like something clicked in and a weight had been lifted off my chest.

Josh's P.O.V.

I gritted my teeth as I saw them drive off, and I was pissed. Ally literally has the world's worst timing skills. I sighed walking in to the kitchen and sitting down at the table with the rest of the guys. "Where's Michelle?" Mike asked, "Ally just picked her up." they all nodded, "So what the hell was wrong with her?" Matt said and I shurgged, "Apparently the gold makeup wouldn't come off so she's stuck as Porcelain for a little bit." I said, smirking. We all just shook our heads, laughing. Michelle was weird, but in her own way, a good way. It got really quiet all of a sudden and the guys all just looked at me. "What?" I asked, "Nothing," Mike started, "But I'm telling you this once and only once. You break her heart, Ramsay, I break your face." he stated and his face held incredible serious-ness.

As if reading my mind, Matt spoke up. "Dude, you're so fucking obvious. If you didn't want anyone to know, next time don't stare at her for an entire day." He was right. Ugh, self-control you are not my friend. I shrugged. "You guys should have punched me for some of the shit I've put her through." I mumbled, but I knew they heard me. "You cannot be serious. Josh, there was nothing any of us could have done. We left her at home." "I'm not even talking about that." I finally snapped. I could feel the colour drain from my face and see the same thing happen to them. "Josh you had to leave. You needed help. No one could have guessed that would happen with her." "Doesn't matter, I still put her through hell. It's like I dragged her though hell with me." I got a slap upside the head at that comment. I groaned and turned to Ian, who had slapped me. " You -and Michelle- need to stop this shit. Neither of you are to blame because the fact is the both of you are not one without the other. You two need each other more than you both would care to admit. What the hell did we think would happen?" and our jaws dropped, who knew Ian could be smart. (A/N: JK I LOVE YOU IAN, YOU OCTAGON!)

After that it was like the tension dissolved and we just went back to normal, joking around as if nothing happened. That was until we heard the door open and Michelle's voice rang through the house. "I get it Ally. Yes you were right." and it's like I could hear her rolling her eyes, "Yes Ally, thank you. Uh huh. Yeah. Say hi to Kyle for me. Bye soon-to-be Mrs. Marks." and we all could hear her giggle. We heard footsteps ascending the stairs and looked at each other, eyebrow's raised. Where the hell has she been? Our question was answered when we saw her come back down and come in to the kitchen in shorts and a short tank top, her hair now in a ponytail and black tape wrapped around the top of her right thigh and her left side, around her scars. I knew what was hiding under them.

"No way." I said, causing her to jump and turn around. She smirked, "Yes. Yes way." she said and as if she knew what I was going to ask, "No, you can't see them until the tape comes off." I turned around to find the guys staring at her, did I miss something? I turned around again and I saw as a flicked of light bounced off it. Sitting on the right side of her lip was a black ring, that was new -and opposite her nose piercing on the left. "What?" she asked, as if she didn't just get her lip pierced. No one said anything, "That's what I thought." she said, smirking, as she made her way back to her room. We all looked at each other. Did that really just happen? It was like going back in the past to see old Michelle, the one who didn't hide herself and made so many sarcastic remarks we stopping keeping track. When we first met she was carefree and she just really didn't give a fuck what anyone thought of her, but as we grew up I saw the walls start to build themselves up around her. Then there were days like today, where we got glimpses and shadows of who she used to be and we hoped it was the start of a change, but it never was. It can happen, we know that, it was just a matter of breaking down her walls and I want to be the one who will do just that.