And Now I'm Sleeping Alone

“Morning, Jack,” Zack said as I came into the kitchen from the bunks at the back of the bus. He was standing at the stove making some sort of thing with eggs. I slid down the wall, sitting on the floor, as my head slumped into my hands. “Drama queen this morning, aren’t you?”

“Shut up, Zack,” I mumbled through my hands. My head was spinning, and it definitely wasn’t from the single beer I’d had last night. Zack reached out a hand to pull me up. I grabbed it, but pulled him down to sit next to me instead.

“What’s up, Jack?” Zack asked me, his hand still resting in mine. He looked down and noticed that, and quickly pulled it away. Okay, so he clearly wasn’t interested in me that way. I was just hoping that he wouldn’t think differently about me after I told him.

“Okay, so you really want to know?” Zack just nodded. “So, um, Alex came home drunk last night, no surprises there. Brittany brought him back at, like, four. So, I put him on the couch, you know. He sort of passed out at the bar.”

“You’re describing every night we’re on tour, Jack.” Zack said, a trace of sarcasm tinting his quiet voice. “What’s making you so goddamned miserable?”

“Well, I have to tell you something first. I, uhm, like Alex. A lot, a lot.” My voice dropped in volume with each word.

“So, you’re like,” Zack paused to take an uneasy breath before he finished, “gay?”

I pinkened and breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes. I mean, yeah, I am, so, yeah,”

“So, you like Alex. That’s something.” Zack looked a little confused about what to say.

“But that’s not what I needed to tell you. That’s not why I’m upset,” I blurted out. “Last night, when he was mostly asleep and totally wasted, he said something. I think he thought I was Brit, ‘cause he sort of dumped her. He tried to tell Brittany that they shouldn’t go out. Like, yeah. So what do I do?”

Zack sat there for a moment, considering. He blinked four times and swallowed once. “Well you can’t tell Alex. And you really can’t tell Brittany.”

I rolled my eyes. “No shit. But if he wants to dump her, it could mean,” My eyes shone with a little bit of hope.

“Don’t look like that, Jack. Lex is straight, you know that, right?” Zack was right, but them again, he thought I was straight until a few minutes ago, and we all know how that turned out.

“You don’t know that for sure. I mean, he’s has girlfriends and he hooks up with girls, but so did I. That doesn’t mean anything. He could be, right?” Except it wasn’t a question, really.

“Who could be what?” Alex asked, stumbling into the room. He poured himself a cup of coffee and I couldn’t help but notice his lack of a shirt. Even hungover in plaid pajama pants - which were slung wonderfully low on his hips, I noticed with a bit of delight - he was a vision of lust.

Zack recovered first from the uncomfortable silence, which was probably not as awkward for Alex, and stammered out “Matt. Matt could be messed up from all the Mickey Mouse shit he does.”
Alex squinted suspiciously, but it might have been that Zack and were sitting in front of a bright window. “Probly. How’d I get home last night? I thought I was out with Brit.”

I fought to hold back a blush as the memories of last night flooded my mind. “You got way drunk and passed out. Brittany brought you home in a cab, but she was pretty tipsy too. Stick to beer, Lex.”
“Oh, shit. Did I come home with my wallet, keys phone?” Alex frantically checked his pockets, before realizing they were pajamas.

“Relax. You had everything, so’d Brittany.” I paused, a thought occurring to me. “Alex. Why do you always go out drinking instead of going on a decent date?”

“Going to a bar is a decent date. We both like to drink. Just shut up, yeah?” Alex tensed his shoulders and shoved his fists into his pockets.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, looking down. Zack had long since left the kitchen with a coffee and some eggs. I turned away from Alex and grabbed a can of rockstar from the fridge. I grabbed a second one on a whim and tossed it Alex’s way. He fumbled for it and it slipped through his fingers. “You were really drunk last night, weren’t you, Gaskarth?”

“According to you, I was,” Alex shot back, opening his drink and taking a long swig.
“Hell yes. Hey, uh, last night you said something, but I’m not sure if you mean it or if it was the shots talking. You, uh, thought I was Brittany.” My voice shook.

“Yeah, what’d I say?” Alex had said weird stuff when he was drunk, and he knew it.
Taking a sip of rockstar to steady my nerves, I swallowed and looked up into his eyes. “When you thought I was Brittany, you said that she should see other people, because you two don’t - something, that’s when you fell back asleep.”

“Well, you know what, Jack, maybe next time I get drunk you shouldn’t hang on my every fucking word, and just leave me the hell alone.” Alex’s eyes burned with rage and defensiveness. He stormed out of the room, but not before throwing his nearly full, open can of energy drink at me. Cold and wet, I crumpled on the kitchen floor and cried.