Learn How to Play the Game

“I can still feel the pounding in my chest.” I sighed tightening my grip on Harry.

“I know, it rings in your ears for so long as well.” He chuckled, “you okay?”

“You were amazing tonight.” I ignored his question and pressed a kiss to his lips softly before laying my head back down on his chest.

I didn’t want to talk about Henry yet, I just wanted to enjoy being near Harry and talk about how amazing tonight had been. He was stroking my back softly as we laid in our usual position outside and the blanket covered our lower halves as we snuggled together. I could hear Harry’s heart beating slightly faster than usual as he still felt the adrenaline from being on stage; he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” he asked and I shrugged, “do you want me to start talking?”

“I don’t mind.” I bit my lip.

“I’m going to talk to lawyers about it.” He told me and I sighed, “don’t sigh like that B, he can’t just get away with it.”

“I just want to forget it Haz,” I traced the outline of one of the tattoos on his arm softly, “no lawyers, please.”

“Just think about it yea?” his hand moved u p to stroke my hair, “I don’t know what I’m more upset about; the fact he said those things or that I couldn’t stop it. The fact that if it wasn’t for me he couldn’t do this to you, if I wasn’t in the position I’m in then you wouldn’t have to deal with any of this and I’m so sorry for that B, I really am.”

“Don’t be silly,” I reached up and kissed him softly, “please don’t beat yourself up over any of this, none of it is your fault.”

“Just please tell me what is on your mind.” Harry moved so we were facing each other on our sides, “I need to know what you’re thinking.”

“You want to know what I’m thinking?” I raised my eyebrow even though our foreheads were pressed against each other, “I feel like I’m about to break down crying.”

Harry didn’t say anything, his hand went to cup my cheek and his thumb stroked my skin softly as I bit my lip.

“I can’t believe someone I let so close, someone who I trusted so much would stab me in the back. He was one of my closest friends. He knows me and he knows me in ways other people don’t.” I saw Harry’s eyes darken as I said that, he wasn’t hiding his jealousy from me, “don’t be like that Haz, you weren’t there.”

“I know.” His jaw tightened, “but what do you mean?”

“You have never seen me take drugs Haz.” I looked down.

“Yea I have, we stood on your balcony as you smoked a joint.” Harry sounded confused and a small smile flickered across my lips.

“You haven’t seen me off my face because I took a pill though.” I told him and he looked surprised, “I’ve done things I’m not proud of Haz.”

“So you took a pill once.” He shrugged and I bit my lip, “okay, more than once.”

“I was a mess,” I sighed, “he was trying to help me but the thing is you can’t save a damsel if she’s loving her distress. In my own fucked up way I was enjoying the hatred, I was completely consumed by it all.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry sounded heartbroken and my eyes snapped up to his my hands taking his face in them holding him gently.

“No, don’t be like this. I’m sorry this isn’t what we are talking about.” I stroked his skin, “please look at me.”

He lifted his gaze to meet mine and my heart hammered in my chest as I saw the look in his eyes, the hurt that I had put there from my words and I almost started crying.

“I love you so much Harry, I don’t want you to be sorry about anything and I shouldn’t be telling you about what I was like because it wasn’t really me.” I rushed out, “please don’t look at me like that.”

I pulled him closer kissing him and he wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer if it was even possible. The kiss was loving but desperate like we both suddenly remembered that we hadn’t always been together and that we were both still carrying the pain from being apart. Suddenly we were being forced to talk about it all and not pretend like it never happened because it did and even as I said that it wasn’t who I really was I knew that even if it wasn’t who I am now it was what I was like. It was part of who I was now and as I spoke of how I had used to be I realized I didn’t know what Harry had been like, I had done everything I could to avoid reading about him and what he had been up to when we were together.

“What were you like?” I asked softly as I pulled away, “you know I was a complete car crash, that I turned into a bit of a…”

“Badass?” Harry raised an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes.

“Not really a badass I was thinking more a long the lines of a hot mess.” I chuckled and Harry smirked.

“One hot hot mess.” He told me pulling me into another kiss, “a beautiful mess.”

“Tell me about what you were like.” I said softly.

“I thought we were talking about Henry?” Harry asked and I sighed.

“Why are you avoiding my question?” my eyebrows furrowed together in confusion and annoyance.

“I’m not avoiding it.” Harry shook his head, “I was just meaning that we were meant to be talking about what happened today.”

“Well today you avoided telling me what you were like whilst we were apart.” I pursed my lips together and he sighed.

“Don’t get smart on me.” Harry sighed and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Just tell me Styles, how bad can it be?” I asked and he rolled onto his back.

“Do you remember when we first started talking you asked me if it was true that I was a manwhore?” he looked over at me and I nodded.

“You laughed at my directness.” I bit my lip, “why are you bringing this up?”

“I told you that I wasn’t that bad, that I was just looking for that one girl that I wanted to wake up to every morning the one girl who would be my best friend as well as the girl I loved.” He glanced over at me again and I nodded still confused, “After you left I knew I’d found that already. I knew the moment we kissed on that rooftop that you were it for me, I even told you in a cafeteria before you tried to leave me in the beginning. I knew I had found the one for me in you and I had lost you, I had fucked up big time and I didn’t know what to do. And after I heard about you and Henry, I did what everyone expected me to do. I was a complete manwhore.”

“Harry.” I sat up slightly and stroked his cheek softly, “you have never been a manwhore.”

“I was.” He shook his head, “I didn’t care about who the girls were, I was just trying to forget you but every kiss just reminded me of you and then I started doing it so I would remember because it hurt to kiss these girls that weren’t you. It hurt because I was reminded that I had lost you and it was all my fault.”

“Haz.” I pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to his lips, “you didn’t lose me, I’m here now aren’t I?”

“I know.” He pressed his lips to mine briefly, “but I was alone and that’s what happened. I became what everyone had always said I was.”

I didn’t say anything as we pressed out foreheads together and just appreciated being close to each other. His grip on me had tightened almost like he expected me to get up and leave him.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly, “If I could take it back I would in a heartbeat.”

“I know.” I nodded my lips pressing together.

“I mean it B.” he stroked my cheek softly, “if I could take back everything that I have ever done to hurt you I would. I would do anything to take all the pain I have caused you away.”

“I know you would.” I met his gaze, “I’m still here though Haz, I’m here for good and I know we’re going to be fine no matter what. I’m not going to walk out that door again, I promise you I will always be right here next to you.”

“Forever?” he asked and I giggled

“If you’ll have me.” I laughed softly and he flipped us so he was on top of me crashing his lips against mine as he did.

“I love you.” He mumbled into my lips and I tugged his curls as I kissed him.

“I love you too.” I promised him, “I don’t care what people write about us. None of it matters. This is what matters.”

“I know.” He kissed me quickly, “as long as you’re okay nothing else matters.”

“I’ll be okay as long as you stay with me,” I told him our lips so close mine brushed his as I spoke, “just stay with me.”

“Forever and ever.” He kissed my lips, “I swear.”



I pulled the jumper I was wearing closer to me as I walked outside to try and find Jenny who was finally back in London and had promised to come to the shows today. I did however forget just how recognizable I was in one of Harry’s jumpers as the screams began making me jump and the security guys chuckled at my reaction. I gave the fans a small wave as I continued to search for a familiar face.

“BLAIR!” they were calling my name and other things and I bit my lip not sure what to do.

Then the screams suddenly got even louder, which I didn’t even realize, was possible, I turned around to see Zayn walking towards me.

“Jenny just rang Niall, she’s almost here.” Zayn told me as he stood next to me.

“You should go talk to your adoring public.” I told him with a smile and he chuckled, “thanks for telling me, I thought she was here already.”

“Come with me.” Zayn tugged at my hand pulling me to the barriers.

I laughed softly as he led me to the fans.

“Hello.” Zayn flashed them a smile and they all called his name.

“Blair!” one girl near me called and I turned to her.

“Hello.” I smiled.

“Can I have a photo with you?” she asked and I shrugged.

“Sure.” I nodded and stood next to her and she took the photo.

“Can you give this to Harry for me?” she handed me a book, “my friend and I wrote 50 reasons why we love him and then another 50 why we love you together.”

“Did you?” I felt the smile widen on my face, “that’s so sweet.”

“We thought you might need cheering up.” She said and I looked up at her from looking at the book, “after the things written in the paper. We all still love you two.”

“That’s really sweet.” I told her, “I’ll make sure I give it to him.”

“Blair, will you say happy birthday to my friend?” a girl asked.

“Sure.” I laughed softly, “I don’t know why you’d want me to but sure.”

The girls giggled as I wished a girl a happy birthday down the camera. The screams once again increased and I glanced over my shoulder to see Harry walking out. He waved grinning as he walked towards us. The girls started screaming in front of me as he neared us, the screams turned to them yelling out his name and I laughed softly.

“Hey girls.” Harry put a hand on my waist, “B, Jenny’s lost so we’ve sent Paul to go find her.”

“Oh right.” I nodded, “look how cool this is, this girl here wrote 50 reasons why she loves little old you.”

“50 reasons?” he nodded, “impressive.”

“As well as 50 reasons why she loves us together.” I told him and he grinned.

“That’s so cool.” He looked over to the girl I was pointing at, “thank you for the book.”

“We wanted to cheer you up.” She smiled, “we thought you might be sad over what was written about you both.”

“Sad?” he shook his head, “no, not sad. Just a bit hurt but we’re good aren’t we B?”

“Course.” I grinned, “it’ll take more than a few negative things written about us to stop us being good.”

“That’s cause you two are perfect.” One of the girls sighed and I giggled.

“Nobody is perfect.” I told her laughing softly.

“But you're perfect to me.” One of the girls sang and Harry pointed at her and laughed.

“High five,” he held his hand out to her which she high fived, “that was well timed.”

We stood outside and spoke to a couple more fans and it was all going well until someone called out to me.

“BLAIR IS A SLUT!” Harry’s head snapped to where it came from.

“Haz.” I put my hand on his arm as his jaw tightened.

“BLAIR DOESN’T DESERVE HARRY!” another voice called.

“Harry.” I shook my head as his eyes scanned the crowd, “don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry said to the girls in front of us.

He grabbed my hand and started pulling me inside when someone else called out about our relationship failing and Harry stopped walking letting out a low growl.

“Harry.” I sighed and he turned to me.

“We are fine.” He told me.

“I know that Haz.” I smiled and he pressed his forehead to mine, “what are you doing?”

“Proving them wrong.” He said before kissing me.

His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to him picking me up so my feet were no longer on the floor. The screams increased and I giggled into the kiss. He placed me back on the floor and pressed a quick kiss to my lips before walking us both inside.

“You know that hasn’t helped right?” I crossed my arms as the door closed.

“I don’t care.” Harry pushed me to the wall, “I love you.”

“I love you to H but you can’t just do that every time you hear something you don’t like.” I told him my fingers linking through his belt loops.

“Why not?” he pressed his forehead to mine, “do you not like it when I kiss you?”

“You know it’s not that.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“I don’t see the problem then.” He bit his lip, “I just wanted to kiss my beautiful girlfriend.”

I sighed and he pressed his lips to mine again deepening the kiss instantly. His hands were either side of my head and I pulled him closer by his belt loops.

“Sickening isn’t it?” I heard Jenny say and I giggled into the kiss.

Harry pulled away stepping back for me to hug Jen. She laughed as I squeezed her.

“You alright B?” she asked and I nodded, “I can’t believe Henry.”

“Guess he wasn’t who we thought.” I shrugged and she nodded giving me a sympathetic smile, “how was home?”

“Alright.” She bit her lip, “I can’t believe you leave tomorrow.”

“I know.” I sighed and glanced at Harry who bit his lip.

I had told him to stop trying to get Jenny on the tour after everything that had happened between her and Niall. Harry had protested saying that he didn’t want me to have to say goodbye but I promised him I’d invite her to gigs and that I’d be okay. As long as I had all the boys around me I would be okay, they’d always been my home and even though I would miss Jenny she wasn’t going anywhere. She was my best friend and the distance and time apart wouldn’t change that and if it did then we were never real friends because friendship isn’t about spending everyday together.

“I have to go stretch and stuff so you guys have fun being girly.” Harry rambled and I laughed, “just don’t talk about our sex life too much yea?”

“I can’t make any promises.” I chuckled and he rolled his eyes.

“Course you can’t.” he pressed his lips to mine in a soft kiss, “be by the stage before I go on?”

“Course.” I smiled and kissed him quickly again, “now go.”

I pushed him and he kissed Jenny’s cheek before walking off, I burst out laughing as he tripped over a wire. He turned around and pulled a face at me before disappearing round the corner.

“So I was going to ask if anything Henry had said had effected you and Harry but I see it has not.” She chuckled and I bit my lip.

“We spoke last night.” I told her as we walked down the corridor.

“What about? I assume you talk most nights.” She laughed softly and I rolled my eyes.

“I meant about actual stuff.” I laughed before looking back at my shoes, “we spoke about our time apart it. I think it’s been really good for us, like we’re moving forwards.”

“How so?” she looked over at me curiously.

“I feel like we both grew up quite a bit whilst we were apart and it’s like we’re starting to understand each other completely again.” A small smile appeared on her lips and I bit mine, “we really are forever Jen.”

“I know.” She laced her hand through mine and bumped my shoulder, “I think everyone has figured that out.”

We walked around the maze of corridors that made up the backstage area before I led her to the side of the stage before the boys went on.

“Blair.” Zayn grabbed me into a hug, “I’m so nervous.”

“You did this twice yesterday Zayn.” I chuckled putting my hands on his shoulders, “you’ve got this.”

“I hate second night nerves, I always get them.” He bounced on the balls of his feet and I giggled.

“I promise you that you will be as amazing as usual.” I told him.

“How can you be so sure?” he asked and I grinned.

“You’re Zayn Mailk.” I shrugged and he laughed.

I looked over to see Niall and Jenny talking, he was looking at her like the world revolved around her and she was completely ignoring it as she spoke about something that caused her to gesture wildly with her hands.

“It’s rude to stare.” Harry mumbled in my ear from behind me.

“It’s rude to creep up on people too,” I turned around, “you creeper.”

“Stop worrying about them, if it’s meant to happen it will if its not then it won’t.” Harry shrugged pulling me closer.

“I just want them to be happy.” I told him and he chuckled, “it’s not funny.”

“I know, you’re just so cute.” Harry leant forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead, “you should go talk to Louis, come back before we go on?”

“Course.” I nodded pecking him on the lips before grabbing my best friends waist and causing him to jump.

“Oh it’s you.” He pursed his lips and I rolled my eyes, “how are you B?”

“I’m alright, can’t complain.” I shrugged and he chuckled, “you?”

“Pretty decent, about to play the o2 no big deal.” He shrugged and I chuckled.

“You’re not having second night nerves like Zayn are you?” I asked and we both glanced over to Zayn who Liam was trying to calm down.

“Nah, it’ll be fine.” He shrugged, “I have these four to cover for me if I mess up.”

I grinned and Louis launched into a story about some girl flashing them the night before. I was laughing as I noticed Harry walking over meaning they were about to go on. Louis kissed my forehead and hugged me before leaving me alone with Harry.

“You okay?” I asked as his fingers played with one of the bracelets on my wrists.

“Sure.” He nodded and I tilted his face to look at me, “slightly nervous.”

“Do you remember how nervous you were before MSG?” I asked and he nodded, “all I wanted to do was take you in my arms and kiss you till you were alright.”

“You should of.” He pulled me closer.

“You had Taylor.” I reminded him and he shrugged, “she’d have killed me.”

“She wasn’t too pleased about your pep talk either.” He chuckled.

“That’s cause we were talking about things she hated. Like Coldplay.” I pursed my lips together, “who doesn’t like Coldplay? I just don’t get it.”

“I know, I mean Fix You is a classic.” Harry sighed, “every song they play on tour is like a finale song on a normal tour. They are amazing.”

“You’re pretty amazing yourself.” I told him, “you’ll be amazing tonight.”

“Why are you so sure?” he asked, “don’t tell me it’s because I’m Harry Styles cause I heard you use that on Zayn and it’ll feel empty.”

“I wasn’t going to.” I chuckled, “I was going to say that if you’re amazing tonight then I will make sure you feel equally as amazing later on tonight.”

“How will you do that?” he raised an eyebrow at me.

“I have my ways.” I smirked, “let’s just say that I went lingerie shopping today and picked up a couple of things you’re going to enjoy.”

“Like what?” his eyes glistened and I chuckled.

“Ever want to play with handcuffs Haz?” I whispered into his ear my breath purposely hitting the spot of skin on his neck.

I felt him take a sharp intake of breath.

“Or ever been curious just what I might look like in something lacy?” my lips brushed his skin.

“Always curious.” He mumbled and I giggled.

“Then you better be amazing huh?” I cocked my eyebrow at him as I pulled away, “I’d hate for all my new things to go to waste.”

“We wouldn’t want that.” He nodded and I chuckled.

“Haz we’re on!” Niall called and Harry nodded.

“I love you.” He told me.

“I love you more.” I grinned leaning forward and kissing him before pushing him towards the other boys, “don’t forget to be amazing.”

“Oh I will, don’t worry.” He winked before running after the boys.

“I’m jealous.” Jenny sighed slinging her arm over my shoulder, “why can’t I find my Harry Styles?”

I laughed softly my eyes fixed on Harry as he appeared on the stage. The crowd was going wild for the boys and I noticed that Zayn wasn’t bouncing nervously anymore. I thought about what Jenny said and sighed softly. I loved Harry and I knew that we hadn’t had the most constant relationship but it was perfect to us. Even though we spent some time apart we feel stronger than we ever have. It’s almost like being in the beginning of the relationship but already knowing just how important it is. Knowing that this relationship is the best thing in each of our lives and that as long as we’re together then everything will be okay. Henry spoke about how we were toxic together because we were so dependent on each other almost to the point of obsession but that’s what love is. It’s being crazy, it’s needing to know everything about the other person and being the others one person in life that will always be there no matter what is going on. Even when Harry and I weren’t together we still did all those things, we were apart but we were still there when we needed each other like the night I spent with Harry after everything got to much for him or when he brought me Peter Pan because he knew I needed cheering up that day. Everything we have ever done since I joined them on tour all that time again had been about each other. Needing the other person and being there through it all. I watched as Harry grinned and waved out to the crowd as one of the other boys sang, he glanced to the side and saw me before giving me a wink and walking to the other side of the stage. Butterflies erupted in my stomach and I felt ridiculous that something as innocent as I wink could do that to me. I loved Harry Styles more than I could ever put into words and even though the thought of losing him was scary I wasn’t scared to love him as much as I did because at this very moment I honestly don’t think there will be another day where we won’t be together. I would bet my life that I would spend the rest of my life with that boy with curly hair and dimples and I will love everyday of it.