Keep Digging Holes in The Desert

All night i couldn't sleep.
All night I stayed up thinking.
Silently crying.
Cursing myself.

I was laying in my bed just staring at the wall when Vic walked in.

"Val, i'm gonna go hang with Mike and Tony do you want to come?"
"No." I whispered not looking at him.

He sighed and walked over sitting on the bed.

"Why are you so worked up over this? It's his fault. He's the idiot to be so butt hurt."

That offended me.
I sat up and glared at him.

"Excuse me? You don't know anything! You don't understand what I fucking went through when you were off having fun with Ashley. When you bragged about how fucking great she was in bed. How she was so beautiful. So perfect. Do you know what its like to hear that the person you've loved for years is bragging about someone else? Talking about how great that person is? Do you even know what its fucking like to know that the person you love doesnt even notice you?! Why did you even come out and say you loved me now? I'm pretty sure you don't love me like you say you do. You only want me for sex. Thats fucking low. You went so low as to hurt one of your friends. And i'm sick and tired of you bashing on Jaime! He was there for me when you werent. Where were you? HURTING ME VIC!"

I stood up and glared at him as he looked down in shame.

"You're just another asshole who ripped my heart into pieces. I was hoping you would be different. Hoping you wouldnt be like the others. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. I fucking trusted you! I trusted you with my heart and you did exactly what I hoped you wouldnt do!" I cried.

The tears were pouring out.
I was sobbing.
I decided to leave.
Not the house but the room.
I couldnt go face Jaime.
And I sure as hell had no where as to go.
I went out back and found a good oak tree to sit down and lean on.
I pulled my knees up and held them to my chest leaning my head on my knees.
The tears dripped onto my shirt.
I was at my breaking point.
I had finally snapped.
I stood up and walked back into the house.
I needed my fix.
I rushed up the stairs and into the bathroom.
I shut the door and locked it.
It wouldnt be a couple of cuts this time.
I was going to end everything.
This would be my long vacation.
But I wouldnt leave the place I was going to go.
I grabbed the blade from underneath the drawer where I taped it.
I shut the drawer and sat down on the floor leaning on the cabinets.
I took a deep breath and pressed the blade to my arm and ripped it across my skin.
Instantly blood gushed out.
I smiled right after that.
The relief rushed in and overcame me.
I kept cutting.

"Val! Don't you dare do it!" Vic screamed banging on the door.
"It's too late." I breathed.
"Val open the door!!"

I kept destroying my arm until the door swung open.
I couldnt hear anything.
I had closed my eyes waiting for my life to slip away.
Suddenly I was being lifted off the ground.

"Val, i'm so fucking sorry! Please don't leave me! I love you so much, baby...Stay with me. I need you.." He cried.

He rushed through the house.
The last thing I remember is him placing me in the car and rushing off.