Stomach Tied in Knots.

Kellin POV.
I couldn’t wait to see all the guys again today, I’d only seen them last night but I missed them all already, they all seemed so down to earth and genuine, nothing like the people at my old school. I mean, I’ve always been pretty bad at making friends, so now that I have friends, kinda, I feel like I belong somewhere, almost as though there is a purpose to me being in school.
I think my mum getting a job somewhere else was the best thing that could have happened for me, not for her, obviously, because of the accident, but she is recovering well, so all is well, I guess.
But I have Vic. I mean, I know I’m not sure how much I believe that he actually likes me, but we’ve had sex so that must mean something at least. I also now have friends, something I’ve really never had. I understand the teachers in my lessons so I am able to learn. I don’t feel worried about the student beating me up in the corridors, I can actually walk around the school without fearing for my life.
The thing is...
I don’t deserve a life this good.
I’m me for Christ’s sake. Stupid old Kellin. The wimp, the guy nobody likes. The one that should be dead. The waste of space, the oxygen stealer. I don’t deserve it.
I don’t even deserve death, the easy escape. I’m just stuck here, with guilt clouding over me for having someone as perfect as Vic. For having amazing friends. I can’t win.

Vic is asleep; when we got back from the cabin we both went sleep. I don’t sleep well.
I stood up slowly, being careful not to wake Vic. I made my way over to my drawer and found my notebook. In the fourth page from the back was a hidden blade, that Vic didn’t know about. I grabbed it and put the book back.
I went into the bathroom and sat down. After a while I pressed the blade to my skin and made perfect slices across my wrists, the blood droplets building up, until the eventually fell from the cuts, like waterfalls, travelled round my arm and dripped off onto my trousers. I wasn’t stupid enough to let it drip onto the floor.
After about 30 cuts I stopped.
They were pretty.
I stood up and wrapped my arms in some bandages which I found in the first aid kit Vic used when I cut in here for the first time.
I swear all I do is cause problems.
I opened the door and pretty much ran outside, fast walking out the school doors and making my way to the place where me and Vic go. I need some quiet time.

I got there and sat down at the edge.
I still had the blade in my hand.
After looking at its beauty I threw it, off the edge, where I would probably never see it again. I don’t want to cut anymore. I want to be better. I don’t want to be a bother to the people that mean the most to me.
I sat on the edge of the cliff for ages. Probably about an hour, I was crying and thinking about how trapped I am.

I then heard a rustle of the grass behind me. My heart started racing, thinking it was a serial killer or someone from school that didn’t like me. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing to be stabbed.
----
I felt a pair of legs on either side of me, then a familiar pair of arms wrap around my waist.
Vic.
My body un tensed as I sunk into his hold. He kissed the back of my neck and pulled me closer.
“Baby, I know what you’ve done. I’m not mad, Kellin, don’t worry.”
And I believed him.
“How do you know..” I murmured.
“There was blood on the floor in the bathroom, so I checked the first aid box, and sure enough, there were a few bandages missing. What’s wrong babe?” He replied, and then started kissing the back of my neck.
“I don’t deserve..all this.. anything, there are more deserving people, I’m just stupid Kellin, good for nothing, boring, me.” I sighed.
“Wrong.”
Vic pulled me back on top of him, so I turned myself round.
“I love you Kellin. I always will. You’re mine and I’m so glad you are. If anyone, it’s me that doesn’t deserve you, you’re perfect baby, I don’t want you thinking any different. I know you’ve been to hell and back in your time, but now you’re with me, and you have all of the lads, okay? They love you Kells, I promise you. There is nothing to hate about you baby. I love you.”
I smiled and kissed him with an almighty passion.
I love my Vic.