I'll Never Be Good Enough

“You are my only one, my only one...” Alex sung softly in my ear.

I stayed quiet, like I was sleeping for a few extra seconds, so he wouldn’t know I had been awake to hear his admission. I heard Alex shuffle away from my face, but our legs were still touching, which gave me butterflies. I thought he was the one in love with me, not the other way around?

Holy shit, I like Alex, as in more than a friend. That’s what all the butterflies were about and the thrill I felt when I had kissed him onstage. Fuck.

I opened my eyes to find Alex’s face inches from mine. I looked at his ‘sleeping’ face for a few minutes. His face was completely relaxed and his hair was covering his eyes. I pushed it out of them and, as I did so, his eyes cracked open.

“Morning.” Alex croaked his voice raw from sleep.

He was just so adorable when he’d just woken up.

“Morning to you too Alex.” I said, smiling.

Absent-mindedly, I stroked his hair. He looked at me.

“What? It’s so soft.”

Alex shrugged and then got up, exposing his bare chest. I’d forgotten about that. I stared at him as he put his clothes back on.

“Like what you see?” Alex said.

“No.” I replied.

He laughed, going out of the room.

I got up and put a pair of grey sweatpants on and a random t-shirt and went downstairs. Alex was in the kitchen, cooking.

I raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure that’s wise?”

He turned to look at me and said, “I can make bacon sandwiches you know. It’s about the only thing I can actually make, but still, I can cook.”

I went in and jumped up onto the kitchen surface. My eyes followed his ass as it moved from side to side as he fried the bacon.

“So when you’re at home, you live on bacon sandwiches?” I asked, forcing my eyes away from his swaying ass.

“No, what else do you think take-aways are for?”

I laughed.
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“What are we gonna do today then?” I asked Alex who was sitting opposite me, devouring his bacon sandwich.

“What about going to the mall?” He mumbled through his mouthful.

“Yeah, ok, that sounds good.”
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When we went to the mall, the first person we saw was Tay.

She spotted us and walked over.

“Alex!” She said.

“Hey Tay, how are you?” Alex asked, being the nice person that he was.

“I’m good, you?” She replied, ignoring me completely.

They chatted for a few minutes. Well, when I say chatted, I really mean lots of hopeless flirting on Tay’s behalf and Alex being completely oblivious to it. I growled at the thought of Tay with him.

Alex looked at me, “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” I lied.

I was so jealous of Tay, it was almost unbelievable. She had captured his attention and she wasn’t letting go. I sighed sadly before walking away. Alex didn’t even notice.

I met a few fangirls and dutifully signed their stuff, but my heart wasn’t in it. My mind was on Alex and Tay. What if they got back together? What if she took my Alex away from me? Hold on... my Alex? Since when was he mine?

I went outside, into the cold air. I shivered, I’d only brought a hoodie and that wasn’t enough to keep the biting air at bay. I sat down on the wall near the parking lot and waited for Alex to either come looking for me or for him to call me.

I sighed again and put my head in my hands, looking at the floor. The door of the mall opened and I looked up. It was Alex – my heart jumped in my chest – and Tay. My heart fell to the floor. I could hear their laughter floating on the wind.

But Alex loves me, I thought passionately. He loves me, not Tay. He said so himself.