It All Comes Back in Flashes

~Ben's P.O.V.~

I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

We even played our first shows after the hiatus.
Now we have a break,what I really need to be honest.
I feel like I'm crushing under the weight of my problems.
Danny is there to help me,but I'm afraid he will get sick of me.

~Flashback~

I was all alone in my apartment,the voices inside my head screamed.
I knew exactly how I couldn't make it through alone.
When I heard the bell rung,I ran to open the door.
Danny stood there,smiling from ear to ear.
He hugged me tight,as soon as I let him inside.
-You came just in time...-I mumbled,into his chest,as I inhaled the scent of him.
-What happened?-He asked softly,I led him to the living room,where we sat down on the couch.
-I can't take it anymore. The night terrors,the voices inside my head,the urge to throw up everything I eat... I can't do this,Dan...-I said,struggling with my tears.
-It will be alright,Ben. Everything is going to be fine. I promise.-He whispered,as he stroked my back to comfort me.
-I don't know... I slowly losing all hope.-I confessed,I looked up to Danny's face,he was shocked...
-You can't give up the fight. I'm there for you,we are all there for you. Think of us,think of your family,think of our fans and all the people who love you. You are so worth it,Benjamin.-His words brought tears into my eyes.
-Thank you...-It was all I could say.
-Just be strong and never give up. Can you promise me this? Can you promise us this? Can you promise yourself this?-He looked deep into my eyes,when he said it.
I just nodded weakly.
Danny wrapped his arms around me and held me close.
-What do you want to do today?-He asked,playing with my hair.
-I have no clue. Just don't leave me alone,Danny,please.-I almost begged,being alone with my thoughts was quite dangerous lately...
-Never. I will not leave you.-He whispered,his hug got tighter.
I offered a small smile to him.
-I miss your smile. I miss the Ben I used to know... I miss your laughter,I miss the way your eyes lit up with happiness...
I just sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.
He twirled a strand of my curly hair between his fingers.
-I promise you will be happy again. I will be there,even when it gets tough.-He said in a whisper.
I was thankful,I couldn't even show it with words.
I placed a gentle kiss on his lips.
He smiled,his stunning blue eyes were shimmering.
I could tell he wanted more...
I kissed him again,when I wanted to pull away,he pulled me closer by the collar of my shirt.
My eyes widened,as I stared into Danny's eyes,his pupils were wide.
In the next moment I felt his tongue in my mouth,he almost shoved it down my throat.
I tried to break free,but he held me in a tight grasp. I almost choked on his tongue.
I felt his hands in my boxers...
He wrapped his hands around my length.
-Not again...-I said breathlessly,when he pulled away.
-I just want to show you how much I care.-He said.
-By raping me again?-I asked,as I became furious.
-It's not rape when you can't say no!-He laughed. It wasn't an adorable laugh,it was a nasty one.
-I can and I will. You aren't yourself,Daniel. What did you took?-I spoke in a serious tone.
I hated myself for not noticing it earlier,but I think the drugs just started to work...
He haven't told me,just laughed again.
I felt like I'm such a problem,I felt like Danny took the drugs because he couldn't take me anymore.
-Don't be silly Bennie. I haven't took anything!-He exclaimed,then planted kisses all over my jawline.
I felt his hands moving on my shaft.
I knew how he wasn't sure of what he's doing right now,but I enjoyed it after all...
-Danny...-I said his name softly and grabbed his hair.
-I want to save you,Ben. I want to save you from yourself.-He whispered.
-I know,but you can't now.-I said softly.
Danny just stared at me.
-Why?-He asked,finally.
-You are under the control of the drugs you took.
-Didn't I said it before?! I'm not under the control of anything!-He yelled,as he pulled me closer and started to pump my penis.
I just threw my head back and panted his name.
-I will fix you.-He breathed,while took my clothes off and he undressed too.
-Fix me...-I panted,as I felt his tongue on my pulsating manhood.
He licked it with so much love and care.
I brushed his ginger hair with my fingers,as he took my shaft into his mouth.
I would make him stop,but I needed it... I needed Danny.
He swirled his tongue over my tip.
I closed my eyes.
-It's so good,Danny...-I moaned,when he started to suck.
Then he suddenly stopped... My eyes opened...
-Say dirty things.-He asked me with a smirk on his face.
-Stop being a tease and suck me hard.-I said,winking at him.
-I like to be a tease.-He whispered and ran his fingers over my hard member.
-I need your mouth,Danny. I love the way you use that tongue of yours. You are talented,make me moan,make me scream your name.
Until I'll spread my seed into your sexy mouth.-I said it all in a low and seductive tone.
I saw as Danny stroked himself,while he listened.
-You will not spread your seed into my mouth.-He said,panting a little.
-Why?-I asked with curiosity in my voice.
-Because,you will spread it...-He started,placed kisses on my stomach.
-Inside of me...-He moaned in a sexy tone.
I felt a warm feeling rushing through my whole body,just from the thought of filling him,of his warm insides around my penis...
-Ugh... I want it...-I whined,as he licked my already hard manhood.
-You will get it,Benji.-He stated,then lubed me up with his saliva.
I couldn't think of anything else,but Danny... I don't want to hurt him...
He must be so tight,he was a virgin in that way...
-Do you really want it?-I asked carefully.
-I need it,Ben.-He pleaded.
-Tell me more...
-Fill me... I want to feel you inside of me...
It just made me crave for him even more.
He got on his knees,with his butt to me.
I licked around his entrance,it made him shiver.
He offered his body to me...
He... Daniel Robert Worsnop,really wanted me to take advantage of him.
I licked one of my fingers.
-Get ready,Danny.-I warned him,as I slowly shoved my finger up inside him.
He whined a little.
-Are you okay?-I asked him.
-Yeah.-He breathed.
I started to move my finger,hitting a bundle of nerves inside of Danny.
It made his back arch...
-Hit it again,my dear Bennie.-He moaned,I done as he told me to.
I hit that spot once again.
-Ben!-He cried my name.
I played with that spot,even more.
-Benji...Benjamin...-He panted my name,over and over again.
I added one more finger and moved them like scissors.
-It's amazing...-His voice cracked,I believe from the pleasure and not from the pain.
-Does it hurt?-I asked in concern.
-No,it sends shivers up my spine. Continue,Ben...-He sighed
I smiled behind,Danny,as I moved my fingers again.
-Okay,now let me change my pose.
I pulled my fingers out.
Danny laid on his back now.
-Get on your knees,Benji.-He ordered and so I did.
He threw his legs over my shoulders.
-Come on.-He said,I hesitated.
-What if I'll hurt you?
-I've hurt you badly,Ben. It's no matter,if you hurt me.-He said in a serious voice.
I took a deep breath,then pushed myself into him.
He screamed.
I started to move inside of him,he closed his eyes and let out louder moans.
Danny was so tight and it made me moan and gave me the urge to do it harder. As I done it even faster,he screamed my name.
-Do it faster,Ben...-He pleaded,I gave him what he asked for.
Our moans filled the living room... I felt I'll find his sweet spot,I thrust into him again,when he cried out loud.
-I found it.-I moaned with a small smile.
-Just hit it again,oh my god...-He moaned,he was in complete ecstasy.
I just thrust into him again,he screamed dirty things along with my name. Until today,I felt like I wasn't ready to make love with Danny again... But in this moment love and lust was all that I felt and it felt so good. I picked up a faster pace,Danny tried to move along with me,but I didn't really let him.
-You are mine now. I'm the one who control now.-I said between moans.
Danny just grinned and screamed again.
I loved to hear his voice like this...
He shivered almost rapidly as I hit into his sweet spot a several times.
-Ben... I will...-He panted,before he released.
After a few final thrusts,I came into him,screaming his name at the top of my lungs.
I collapsed on top of him without any care of the cum all over his stomach.
-I love you,Dan...-I panted,as I tried to catch my breath.
-I love you so much. You were amazing,plain amazing.-He whispered,while he played with my curls.
I didn't wanted to think of the drugs he took,but I did...
He must had took just a small dose,but still he took them...
After he promised me that,he'll get clean.
I sighed loud.
-What's the matter?-He asked in a whisper
-Nothing. I'm just tired.-I lied...
Danny shook his head.
-Nope,you aren't impressive.-He said in a kind tone.
-Okay... I just thought about the drugs you took. After you promised me,you'll get clean.
He let out a heavy sigh,then said... -It was just a little dose,Ben. I will quit the drugs.-I just nodded.
-I will get a blanket for us.-I said quickly,got up to find a blanket,then returned with it,laid back down to Danny's chest as I pulled the blanket over our bodies.
-I can't sleep,do you want to watch the TV?-I asked him,rubbing my eyes.
-Yeah.-He responded shortly.
I reached out for the remote control,then turned the TV on.
Danny watched it for a while,then drifted to sleep.
I still couldn't sleep,but turned the television off,because I didn't wanted to disturb him.
I rested my head on his chest,listening to his heartbeat.
I just hoped I will make through those times and Danny will quit the drugs. I was worried about the amount he took,lately,when I asked him to try and quit them.
I was restless,so I just listened to the heartbeat of the man who means the world to me.