So Long and Goodnight...

When you woke up, you felt so refreshed that you wished you could lay there in Gerard's bed forever.

Besides your problems with your father and everything at school, dealing with the loss of your beloved mother and sister, there was something else weighing heavily on your mind.

Ever since you were little Gerard had been your brother, your best friend nothing more.

Now he was still your best friend but there was more to it than that.

Whenever you looked into his eyes now, your heart skipped a beat.

You wanted to be with him every second of the day.

Now that you were just laying there with nothing else to do but think about it, you realized that you really should have figured it out earlier.

You were still so confused and you were afraid to admit it but you knew that sooner or later you would have to face your feelings for Gerard.

That time was coming sooner than you thought.

You heard Gerard's bedroom door open and light from the hallway flooded the pitch black room.

You opened your eyes and lifted your head to see who it was.

"Hey. She lives." Frank said as he came in and closed the door, plunging the room back into darkness.

"Hey, Frankie." You said, casting off the last cobwebs of sleepiness.

"Did you have a good nap?"

"Great nap." You said stretching.

You felt him sit down on the edge of the bed.

"So " Frank said slyly.
"We've noticed something."

"We meaning..."

"We, meaning me, Ray, Mikey, and Bob." Frank clarified.

And what have "we" noticed?" You asked.

"We've noticed that you've been acting different around a certain someone."

"Does this "certain someone" have a name?"

"Yes."

"And that name is "

You tried to persuade him to just come right out and say it, but you knew he wouldn't.

You knew who he was talking about. You didn't know that it was so obvious that all your friends could tell you liked him.

You were hating this talk because you really didn't want anyone to know.

You didn't understand why you felt so strongly about not telling anyone, especially him.

If you liked someone, didn't it seem stupid to just sit there and do nothing but hope they notice and make the first move?

But still, you couldn't talk to him about it.

Maybe you were still just confused.

Maybe Frank could help.

"I think you know what that name is Helena." Frank said after a long pause, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You sighed, not wanting to say it, as if the mention of his name would trigger the cataclysmic event that would end the existence of the planet Earth.

Somehow Frank understood this.

"Ok. I'll give you a couple hints.
It starts with a "G" and the third letter is a "R.""

After a long pause you said: "But I don't know anyone named Gary."

Frank laughed. "I'm talking about Gerard, Helena."

"Gerard Helena?!" You asked in mock amazement.
"No way! That guys last name is the same as my first name!"

Frank laughed again.

"You are impossible!"

"I try." You said proudly.

"You don't even have to try," Frank said, smiling.
"It comes naturally to you."

"That's true."

"Well," Frank said, like he was actually giving up. (Yeah right!)
"You obviously don't wanna talk about it so I'll just leave." He said as he got up and walked to the door.

God, He was so pathetic but then again, so were you because ...you accepted the bait.

Just as Frank's hand touched the doorknob you said:

"Frank, wait I wanna talk about it."

"So you do like him!" He exclaimed as he leaped back over to the bed.

You sighed and rolled your eyes as Frank sprang for the bed, grabbed your left arm, luckily, (because the bruise on your right arm was still a bit sore.) and pulled you into a sitting position.

"How long?" He asked, wide eyed.

You raised an eyebrow. "You are aware that you're acting like a five year old right now. Right?"

"Very." He said, his chin still resting on his fists, his eyes still wide.

You laughed and shook your head.

"How long?" He asked again.

"You're just gonna laugh if I tell you."

"No I won't." He said.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

You sank back down into the pillows and pulled the blankets over your head.

"Since I was 10." You confessed.

"WHAT!? HOLY SHIT, LANA! SIX YEARS? You've had a crush on Gerard Way for six years and you haven't told him?"

He practically screamed the whole thing and you went even paler than normal.

You wanted to crawl into a hole and die but not before murdering Frank Iero.

"COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE ANY FUCKING LOUDER RIGHT NOW?" you asked, mortified that Gerard had just heard everything.

Either that or he was deaf.

"Hmm, actually " Frank said thoughtfully.

He was messing with you!

You couldn't believe this.

He could've possibly just ruined you're entire life with his big mouth and he was joking about it?

"SHUT UP, FRANK! I SHOULD PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!"

He started laughing really hard and you narrowed your eyes at him.

"They aren't fucking here are they?" you asked, feeling stupid.

Frank shook his head and laughed even harder.

You tried to stay mad at him but you couldn't.

You started laughing too, hard enough to send a couple tears streaming down your face.

"Frank," you said still trying to stop laughing.
"You have to promise not to tell Gerard, ok?"

He hesitated.

"Frank," You said. "please?"

"Alright, alright. I won't tell him."

"Swear, Frank. This is so important."

"Why, Helena? Why is it so important that I don't tell Gerard? Why can't you just tell him the truth?"

"Because, Frank. He doesn't like me like that. I'm just one of the guys to him. He'll never see me like I see him. If I tell him, it could ruin our friendship and I won't take that chance with him. I won't lose him!"

You realized that you had been steadily raising your voice and you were close to tears.

"Helena," Frank said looking confused and bewildered.
"You're not gonna lose him. You'll never lose any of us."

Somehow in the stillness of the air you could feel something in Frank change and to his face came a look of sadness and understanding.

"Would this have anything to do with your mom and sister?" He asked with sympathy in his voice.

Hearing those words was like being cut with a sharp blade but Frank was right.

You'd never thought about it like that but hearing it now, it all made sense.

You'd just been through a traumatic loss and you were convinced that you were suddenly going to lose everyone around you.

As much as you hated it, you started to cry.

"Frank," you said as the tears came.
"How can you say that I'll never lose any of you? You don't know what's gonna happen. You could die tonight. If someone would've told me that my mother and sister were gonna die in a fucking car crash on the way to pick me and my friends up for a stupid concert I would've punched them out. I was so happy. I I never thought it would end. I prayed that it wouldn't end. I prayed ...and look where it got me."

"Lana," Frank said, his voice cracking and tears forming in his eyes.
"No matter what happens, we will ALWAYS be with you. We love you."

"I know. I love all of you too but if I couldn't hug you, or laugh with you or cry with you ever again I couldn't live. You guys are my life. If I ever lost you I would kill myself."

Frank put his hands on your shoulders and forced you to look at him.

"Helena, don't ever fucking say that shit again. You're too strong for death. I mean, look at all you've had to go through."

"Yeah, Frank? If I'm so fucking strong then why do I feel so fucking helpless?"

"Because that's how that son of a bitch father of yours wants you to feel. He wants to control you so he makes you feel weak, He makes you feel stupid. He makes you believe that every god damned thing you do is wrong. Your stronger than that. I know it. You have the power to do whatever you want, To be whoever you wanna be. Who the fuck is he to tell you you'll never amount to anything. He's wrong, Helena. And I pray to God that you'll realize that and get away from here before he fucking kills you."