So Much for My Happy Ending

I sat curled up on the loveseat in my bedroom with Sally and Sadie sleeping next to me. I'd been back at the house with my Dad for a few days. I hadn't seen any of the guys yet, but from what I've gotten from Twitter, they're busy. So here I was in my bedroom watching The Breakfast Club and feeling sorry for myself.

There was something about Bender that set my heart alight every time I watched this.

The thoughts that flew across my mind at the speed of light were dark and depressing. My Dad had changed. It was not for the better. He was moody, and his emotions were volatile. I wasn't scared of him, but I was scared for him. I'd called Mom frequently, about 6 times a day, to keep her updated on Dad.

She was worried, but didn't quite want to come home yet. She feared that if she did things would only escalate. Mom had told me that right now Dad needed me. I wouldn't deny that.

I glanced over at the clock that sat on my bedside table and decided that it was time for me to get up.

12:47

Way past the time to be up and about.

I padded quietly down the hall way to Dad's room and knocked quietly on the door. When I received no response I opened the door and was greeted with the sight of my Dad passed out on the bed. I sighed and approached the bed with dread filling my body.

"Dad?" I nudged him with my hand. I got no response out of him. I sat down on the bed and shook his shoulder lightly and spoke louder, "Daddy!" His eyes flew open and gripped my wrist tightly. I winced as the grip he had was slightly painful. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like complete and utter shit.

When he noticed that it was me who was sitting there, he released my wrist like I'd burned him. I flexed my wrist in hopes of getting some feeling back in it. "Sorry, I didn't..."

"Mean too? I know Dad." I interrupted him. The look in his eyes were guarded and he coughed slightly. If I didn't know better, I would say that he's been smoking lately.

"Did you need something?" His words were so blunt I had no doubt that he was pushing me to leave the room.

"No... I was just... " I trailed off before coming back in strong, "I was just coming to wake you up. It's almost 1 o'clock." I smiled at him, "Can't have you sleeping the day away."

Dad stared at me with a peculiar look in his eyes before he turned away and sat up, "Yeah. Yeah, okay. We are going over to Zacky's place anyway. Supposed to be there at One, but that's not happening." Dad stood up and I followed him as he walked to the bathroom. "Go get ready." He turned to look at me and my eyes immediately caught the bruises that should have been covered by his tattoos. He followed my gaze down to his arm and immediately retreated into the bathroom.

I sat there for a few seconds wondering what the bruises could be from. I shook my heads from the thoughts and went back to my room to get ready.

~

We'd just shown up at Zacky's, 45 minutes later than we were supposed to be here.

Dad had already gone in, but I remained in the car to work up the nerve to go in. I was so nervous, I could throw up. I know McKenna and Aleia would be in there, but that didn't placate my nerves. If anything, it made them twist up and pinch in the most painful way I could imagine. I could feel my anxiety levels spiking.

The burning, the overwhelming sense of 'Oh my God... I'm dying,' and the feeling of needing to escape.

I was prone to anxiety attacks. It came with your family all being famous and having masses of fangirling hordes surrounding you during an outing. At this point in my life, I was used to it.

That didn't make it any easier.

I took several calming breaths to try and level out my anxiety. It didn't help, but really it was the thought that counts.

I flew out of my thoughts when the passenger side door flew open. I was met with the face of Jimmy Sullivan and I felt my body, which was tense seconds before, relax. I allowed myself to be pulled into a hug by him as he shushed me.

"You should know by now to come and get me when you have one." Jimmy whispered in my ear, his warm breath tickling my skin. I could feel the beginnings of goose flesh started to spread with it starting at my neck.

"You can't always be here to help, Jimmy." I told him with a sad smile adorning my face.

"Well, I'm here right now, Meagan Sanders," he paused and pulled back from the hug, "as far as I'm concerned... I'll always be here. Even if you can't see me."

Those words alone had my heart squeezing and me curling into his arms. "I'm sorry." I told him.

"You don't have anything you need to be sorry about."

"But I do. Or things I should be sorry for."

Loving you was one of them. I could fight it, I had since I discovered it, but it was pointless. It was a thing that I could never be sorry for. In a way, it pains me to love a man that will never love me back.

'That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.'