Skeletons in My Closet

I stood up finally, dreading to go home. I needed to man up and face my mother. I made the short trip back home and walked in through the door. I see my mother on the couch watching TV while laying down on my Dad’s lap. Bitch.

“Frank! What’s wrong son?” my dad asks me, he seems concerned for me. I love my dad so much, he’s my hero. “Everything,” I answer, slowly making my way to my room. My mom was staring at me intently trying to make sure I didn’t blurt out anything. I didn’t care at the moment and my dad deserves to know.
“Frank, tell me,” my dad says to me, removing mom from his lap and started to walk towards me. I started crying and my dad ran to me and engulfed me into his arms. They were so loving and comfortable. I sobbed into his chest for the longest time. He didn’t care if I left stains on it.

I finally calmed down a little, before looking up at my dad. He was stroking my hair trying to figure out what’s wrong. “Frankie, tell me please,” my dad begs. I look at my mom and back at him. He turned his head to her, noticing my fast glances between them.
“What’s wrong honey?” my mom finally asks. You stupid bitch, you know exactly what’s wrong.
“You know exactly what’s wrong,” I snap at her. My dad gives me a confused look and stares at me and her. “Frank! Don’t give your mom attitude, we’re just trying to figure out what’s wrong,” my dad says to me. I look at him and my lip trembles. “Why don’t you ask mom,” I reply. He furrows his eyebrows and then looks at my mom. Here face was covered in fear and anger.

I stood up and waited for my mother to say something. She just looked at me and not my dad. “Frank, go to your room,” she tells me. I thanked God and quickly, almost running to my room. I shut the door and locked it. I then went to my stereo and was about to pop in a CD, but I changed my mind and turned on the radio. It was on some random rap station.

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?”

I listened to it and nodded in agreement with the lyrics. I want to seize what I want.

“His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs
But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down
The whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won’t come out
He’s choking how, everybody’s joking now
The clock’s run out, time’s up over, Blow!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
OH, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He’s so mad, but he won’t give up that easy,
No…”

I listened and studied the lyrics so closely, I felt myself being lost in it, lost in the lyrics, lost in my emotions, lost in what this rapper was saying.

“He won’t have it, he knows his whole’s back’s to these ropes
It don’t matter, he’s dope
He knows that but he’s broke
He’s so stagnant, he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that’s when it’s
Back to the lab again, yo
This whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don’t pass him.”

I felt tears in my eyes a little, I wish I was this brave, I wish I could be this man, I wish I had the courage to stand up for myself, stand up for what’s right, stand up for who I am. Who cares if I fail, I won’t give up, but I can’t

“You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
YOU only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
You better…”

The chorus just made me cry even harder, that’s my dream, to be somewhere I want, be someone who inspires people, someone just fucking somebody!

“The soul’s escaping through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom’s close to post mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he’s known as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He’s grown farther from home, he’s no father
HE goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cause here goes the cold water
His hoes don’t want him no more, he’s cold product
They moved on the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it’s old partner but the beat goes on..”

As the chorus struck I ran to go get my guitar and my lyric notebook. Everything this man is saying is building myself up. He’s trying to make me build myself up.

“No more games, Imma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfucking roof off like two dogs caged
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed
I”ve been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhyming and stepped right into the next cypher
Best believe somebody’s paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can’t get by with my 9 to 5
And I can’t provide the right type of life for my family
Cause man, these goddamm food stamps don’t buy diapers
And it’s no movie, theres no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard, and it’s getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and prima donna
Baby mama drama’s screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I’m like a snail
I’ve go to formulate a plot or I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only morhterfucking option, failures not
Mom, I love you, but this trailers got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem’s lot
So here I go its my shot
Feet fail me not, this may be the only opportunity I got…”

The chorus came on again and I felt my heart be inspired by this crazy man.

“You can do anything you set your mind to, man,” he finishes off with that line.

I replay it in my head, all those words he expressed in his songs, all those meanings to them, which inspired to write my own right now. I set my guitar in my lap and started picking random tunes.
I needed to tune my G string, it was to pitched. I finished tuning it and started strumming, until I heard screaming and yelling, and things being thrown. I flinch and quit playing, I ran to my door and peeked my head out. My dad was red in the face and he was yelling at my mom, who was crying and begging forgiveness of him. I felt bad for putting my mother in that situation, but I can’t lie. I know I’m a total hypocrite, but my mother cheated on my father. That’s a horrible thing to do, I didn’t do anything that bad, but blow up an abandoned car. What? I have a fire fetish, hence the fact I smoke a lot.

I close my door and went back to my guitar and started to make a rhythm. I closed my eyes and got lost in the music just like the rapper told me to. I kept playing and playing until words crawled its way into my head. I just kept continuing my random act of hitting the G and D pinched.
I finally let the words slip out of my head onto paper.
But I was interrupted by my raging mother and father. I flinched up and turned around seeing them glaring at me.

“Frank! I want you out! Now you fucking twit!” my mom yells at me.
“Oh no you fucking don’t! you take back what the fuck you just said! My son is not leaving!” my dad yells at her.
I just look at both of them going at it.
“He didn’t have to open his fucking mouth! I won’t do it again I swear!” my mom says.
“I don’t fucking trust you!”
“I fell out of love with you!”
“Then why didn’t you tell me! I would do anything to have you fall in love with me again!”
“Because I don’t want you anymore!”
“Then why the fuck didn’t you tell me!”
“Because I was scared, but then this fucking punkass was in the living room and caught me!”
“and that’s his fault?!”
“YES!” my mom answers truthfully.
I felt tears creeping out of my eyes. I stared at my mom in disbelief, she just did not say that.
“How fucking dare you…blame our kid for your mistakes,” my dad hisses at mom.
“He didn’t have to be home, he should have been at school at take it like a man that people are bullying you and being homophobes!” my mom looks at me while saying that.
I’m sitting here crying my eyes out and my mom does not give one single fuck. My dad just couldn’t believe what she was saying.
“Honestly! I don’t like gay people, I hate them!” my mom yells at me now, staring straight at me. I felt myself choke on my tears and my heart was stabbed.
“I only accepted you because you’re my kid! But if I can’t have my little secret kept secret, well I guess I’ll announce to the whole world that your gay!” she yells at me.
“Go ahead! Everyone knows anyways!” I hear myself say. I was surprised at my outburst and my dad looks at me.
“Good! They should be able to make fun of you! You’ll never find anyone that loves you, you’re a boy! Boys don’t love boys!” she bellows at me.
“Fuck you mom! You’re a whore who needs a dick up your vagina every mother fucking five minutes!” I throw back at her.
Her face turned into shock at what I said and she lunged at me, attaching her hands to my throat. I seen my dad attack mom and pulled her off of me.
“You bitch! Put your hands on him again and it’ll be the end of you!” he yells at her, holding her down.
I sat there curled in a ball crying my eyes out, my dad let go of her and went straight for me. He picked me up bridal style and carried me out of the room.
“Alright! Baby him and not me! He’s the one threw the insult at me!” she yells following us out in the living room. I was crying so fucking hard, I never cried so much in my life.
“Sssh,” my dad shushes me and stroking my hair, ignoring my moms comments.
“Forget this! I’m fucking out of here!” she announces. Thank the Lord!
“Finally,” my dad sighs in relief.

We heard her throw shit around and grab suitcases, ten minutes later she was in the living room with two suitcases and had a sweater and all that on. She had her car keys in her hand ready to go.
“Here, I wont need this anymore,” she threw her wedding ring at my dad.
I hear him choke up, he was about to cry, but he just let her walk out the door. As soon as the door shut, my dad burst into tears. Now, my dad is a strong man, I have never seen him cry before.
“What have I done,” he weeps.
I start crying to, “Dad I’m sorry.. I’m sorry,” I sob, he looks at me and wipes my tears away.
“No need kiddo, she lied about this whole marriage anyways. I’m glad you had her let it out,” he tells me trying to make me more comfortable.
I do a weak smile, he smiles at me, “It’s just me and you, now lets get you to bed,” he finally says.
I nod and get off of his lap and walk to my room stopping at the hallway.
“Dad?” I say, he looks up at me and waits for me to say something.
“Do you think anyone will ever love me?” I ask him, his face fell at my question, he knew I was hurt by her words.
“Frankie, I love you, I will always love you, and of course someone will love you, I promise you that, don’t listen to that bitch over there, she’s wrong, you’re an amazing person kiddo, I know you changed my life when you were born, I was happy, you made me happy, and that will never change, no matter how much you are a pain in my ass, I love you and again that my love won’t ever change for you,” he says to me.
Tears found there way back to my eyes and my dad smiles at me.

“I love you Dad,” I say to him, he smiles, “I love you to Frankie,” he replies. I smile to myself and walk back to my room, thinking about those rapper’s lyrics again. Success is my own option, failures not.

-Time Lapse to the next day like a mother fucking boss!-

I woke up and had a huge ass headache again, I went straight into the bathroom and popped a few pills. Twenty minutes later I felt a little better. I went back to my room and looked in my closet for something to wear. I grabbed a pair of tight faded black jeans and a plain black t-shirt. After like ten minutes I finally found my Vans. I slipped those on and went to the bathroom. I looked like shit, from all the crying and harm I did to myself, I didn’t care though. My eyes were red still and puffy. I applied a line of eye liner to make my eyes a little stand outish making it looked like I wasn’t crying, more like if I was smoking pot.

I spiked the back of my head and went back to my room to grab a few wristbands to cover up some of the marks on my arm, I couldn’t find my sweater. I grabbed my black backpack and walked out the door, my dad isn’t home, he goes to work at like 4:00 am. That sucks, well to me it does, my dad is an early bird.

I walk slowly ,dragging my feet, to school. I walk in and everyone was staring at me, a lot. It was pissing me off really bad, first off I wasn’t in the mood, second my headache came back, third I spot Johnny and his fucking friends.
Some random kid was staring at me while I sat on the bench, I turned my head towards him and he just kept looking at me, didn’t even to try to turn away. “What the fuck are you staring at!?” I yell at him. He flinched and quickly left the bench, everyone else snapped there heads at me, hearing my outburst.
“Now what the fuck are you guys staring at!” I yell throwing my hands up and shaking my head while walking away. I kept my head down and stared at my feet not watching where I was walking.
I ran into someone and I look up, for fucking sakes its mother fucking Johnny Seward.
“Move out of my way!” he says to me demanding. I lost it, I threw my backpack on the floor and stood up.
“Don’t even fuck with me today!” I say and getting close to his face. God I hate him so much, I would choke him on the spot, but I didn’t I waited for his reaction.