Sometimes I Wish I Could Disappear

As soon as I got home, the first thing I did was hang up the Slayer frame that Frank had given to me. I put it on the plain white wall and for the first time it didn’t looks so plain anymore. I smiled at it for the longest time. Frank…Frank had given it to me, knowing how expensive it was, he had given it to ME! He was the sweetest guy ever. I was quite jealous of his things, he had so many bands and inspirations I had on his walls. He collected them and cherished what he had. I noticed he had guitars, drums, and other instruments in the room, but I didn’t bother to ask, maybe another time. I was too engrossed in the frames that I didn’t care about his musical talents. Selfish I know.

For like about ten minutes I had been staring at the frame until a knock slashed the silence. I sigh and happily skip to the door. That was pretty gay.

“Hey!” my ex-girlfriend shrieked. I froze and stared wide eyed at her. She didn’t seem to notice my reaction and so she jumped on me, kissing my face. I pushed her off of me, quite distraught and angry at this moment. She had to ruin my perfect day.

“What are you doing here?” I hiss at her. She raised her hands in surrender, “ I didn’t know it was bad to come and see my friend,” she threw back at me. “How the fuck do you know where I live?” I ask her another. “I followed you home,” she confesses directly. My face fell and I glared at her with threatening eyes. “You followed me home,” I hiss at her once again, clenching my fists. “Yeah,” she says like its not a problem at all. “Well aren’t you going to invite me in or are you just going to glare at me?” she asks in a smartass tone. This girl is pissing me off and I just needed to rip her face off. “You know what…no,” I tell her and her face formed into anger. “Why not?” she demands. She has no right.

“I don’t love you, I never did, to let you know and I don’t care if you do, I like somebody else and this person will be mine, now go away and leave me alone, once a whore, you’re nothing more,” I finish and slam the door in her face. (A/N Paramore lyrics!)

I sigh and felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think I should tell Frank I’m gay, the guilt is eating me alive, but I must know if he likes me. That will only be if I tell the truth. Fortunately, I haven’t lied to him about anything, just kept it away from him. He’ll probably understand that I’m shy to let it out. Who knows? He seems to be a very understanding guy. Reasons why I so don’t deserve him.

I drink and party a lot, doesn’t seem like it, but I do. Lately I’ve been a lazy fuck and just want rest, nothing wrong with that though. Wanting rest and to lay off a little bit of the band, the guys don’t seem to mind. They actually love the fact that I’m hanging with Frank, they know he’s a lonely guy and he needs someone. Just not me.

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“Zack!” Jimmy’s voice bellows in my apartment. I groggily open my eyes and noticed I was laying on the couch. Hm? Must have dozed off then.

“Zee wake up!” I felt a large amount of weight drop onto me. “Fuck!” I scream out as Jimmy jumped on top of me. “Get off of me you ass hat!” I tried to push Jimmy off of me, but he wouldn’t move. “Nope, not until you fully wake up,” he tells me. “I’m up! I’m up!” I whine. He finally gets off of me and I feel the air fill up my lungs once again. I groan and sit up rubbing my eyes and stretching.

“What do you want?” I say rudely. Hey, I just woke up okay?

“Your coming with us tonight!” he yells at me. Johnny Christ! I’m just right here!
“Do you have to yell?” I tell him. He chuckles and slaps my head.
“Your half asleep…sooo…yes,” he answers.
“Tonight for what?” I ask him still confused, I don’t know what he’s talking about.
“Party Zack! Party! You’ve been living in this room for weeks now, I think your lazy ass faze is done. Now get up, get dressed, call Frank, and lets go!” he says happily and runs to my kitchen to raid my refrigerator. I roll my eyes and slowly walked to my room. I decided to call Frank first, since Jimmy obviously wanted him to come.
I grab my phone and look in my contacts for ‘Frank’ and click on it. His phone was ringing and on the fourth ring he answered.

“Hey Zack!” he said cheerfully. Boy am I glad to hear his voice.
“Hey Frankie,” I reply and I hear him giggle.
“What?” I ask him confused.
“You sound tired, did you wake up?” how did he know?!
“Uh…yeah,” I answer and he laughed. His laugh is the cutest, his laughs are like little short laughs.
“Let me guess Jimmy?” he asks again and my mind was trying to process how did he know.
“Uh…yeah,” I answer again, but this time both of us laugh.
“So…what did you want?” he curiously asks.
“Um…did you want to go to a party that I have no idea I was going to?” he laughs again.
“Sure, what time?” Fuck. “Hold on,” I tell him.

“Jimmy!” I shout and I hear him answer. “What time!” I ask him.
“Ten!” he answers and so I put the phone back to my ear.
“Ten,” I tell Frank.
“Okay, be at yours at nine something,” I chuckle.
“Sure, wait!” I say.
“Jimmy!” I shout once again.
“What!” he sounded annoyed.
“What kind of party!” I waited for his answer. Instead I see him come to my door and lean on the frame.
“What do you think?” he smirks at me. “Oh,” I say.

“Drunk party okay,” I tell Frank and he laughs again.
“Alright, I’ll be ready by then, gotta go to work now bye!” I can hear a smile in his voice.
“Bye,” we both then hang up.

“You are so into him,” he says to me.
“No shit,” I reply and begin to get dressed and hope tonight I wont regret.

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“Sup!” Frank stands at my door sporting some real tight black skinny jeans, Smashing Pumpkins shirt, a pair of Vans, and not a lot of make up, but it brings out his swirling green-brown eyes. I was trying not to gawk at this man, but he’s just to fucking immaculate.

“Sup!” I reply with just as much cheerfulness. I move out of the way to let him in. He walks in and notices the frame right away. “You hung it!” he says happily. “Of course,” I state the obvious. He chuckles and stares at it, like it belongs there. “So where’s the party?” he asks me. “Um…we’re going to Matt’s first then he’ll drive us.” He nods and smiles at me with his perfect teeth. “Wanna go now? I mean like fuck my home is bothering me now,” he laughs and we walk out to set towards Matt’s house.

“Destination Matthew Sanders please,” I say out of nowhere. Frank cracks up and slaps my back. I smile really big knowing he has a nice sense of humor.

“So uh…read any good books lately?” I ask him. He looks at the sky lost in thought for the moment. “I read the Ellen DeGeneres shit,” he tells me. (A/N I forgot how to spell her name)

I laugh at his answer. “What?’ he asks sounding like it’s a normal thing. “What did you think of it?” I ask him, trying not to laugh. “It um…made me lesbian,” he answers. I look at him and we both crack up. “Oh my gosh your so fucking stupid!” both of us turning red in the face. I wipe my face like there’s a tear in my eye. “Good times Good times,” I say. “Definitely,” he adds.

“You know what,” I say, “What?” he asks. “You cant spell bass without ass,” I say. I don’t even know why that was even in my thoughts. He laughs, “You got that right!” he laughs more.

“If you had to choose to have one superpower, what would it be?” he asks me. I clear my throat, “Jesus,” and put my hands on my hips standing triumphantly. He starts busting up so hard, he started wheezing. Watching him laugh like that made me laugh. “Zack you’re the most rad guy ever,” he says to me and still trying to get over his laughing fits. I look at him quirking an eyebrow, “Don’t you think I know that?” I say in a white girl voice and walk away swaying my hips harshly and holding one hand up. He starts laughing hard once again.

“Vagina Fudge!” I scream out of nowhere. “What the fuck?” Frank says. “YOU NASTY SON OF A BITCH!” some lady yelled back at me. Frank and I start laughing. “MILF!” I throw back at her. That’s when Frank lost it, he fell on the floor laughing. I couldn’t help it, but to laugh. My stomach was cramping and hurting so bad and my eyes were crying. “Zack we better…we better..” he couldn’t even talk. “Fuck lets go man,” he says holding onto his stomach and wiping tears.

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“Why you guys out of breath?” Matt asks Frank and I because we were recovering from laughing. “We were laughing too hard man, I never laughed this hard,” Frank answers. He chuckles at our immaturity.
“Zack your something else,” he tells me. I felt a blush rise on my face. Matt eyed me and lifted an eyebrow, I shoot him a glare. He smiles and shakes his head. “MILF!” Frank imitates me, I start laughing again. “That was epic,” he adds. The guys look at us with what the fuck faces.

“We were being stupid, ya’know, you guys should already know me,” I tell them. That’s when their faces looked like they understood. “Let me guess, being a dick?” Johnny asks me. I smile a creepy grin, “I thought so,” he laughs.

“ABC easy as 123, ABC 123!” I start singing Michael Jackson. “Zack you okay?” Brian asks me. “Yeah I’m fine why?” he gives a puzzled look and shakes his head no. I furrow my eyebrows and shrug. Nothing is going to ruin my moment, I’m perfectly happy right now.

“Guys lets go,” Matt says. We all start filing out the door and into our tour van, there’s a lot of us so of course we got to take it. “Ready to party!” Jimmy shouts and jumps in the passenger seat while Matt in the drivers. Johnny, Brian in the middle seats and Frank and I in the back.

“Start the party bus Mattie!” Jimmy shouts. I think he’s already drunk.

“The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus go round and round on to the club!” the guys sing. Frank looks at me excited and happy.

I cant wait for tonight to get started.