Sometimes I Wish I Could Disappear

I was disgusted by that girl who came by and started getting all up on Zack. She was definitely trying to get him excited, he wasn’t very pleased by this. He seemed like he wanted her to go and get it over with by telling her yes he would go out with her sometime. I was disappointed with the fact that he had a girlfriend and I knew he wasn’t gay. He just didn’t seem or act like it. He seemed surprised when I told him I was gay. I cursed myself for admitting to it, but felt relief wash over with him now knowing. I hope he doesn’t distance himself away from me because of my sexuality. Why didn’t I think of that earlier? Frank your so stupid.

“So do you want to come back to my place or you want to go home?” he asks me unsure of what to do. We just met so I could understand the awkwardness between us. “Hey, maybe you can come to mine,” I suggest to him, a smile grew on his face and he nodded. “Sweet!” I jumped up and stretched. He laughed and stood up next to me, I smile at him and started to walk, leading him to my home.

We finally make it there in like ten minutes, I don’t live that far from the park. I lead him up stairs to an apartment building, the slum side. “Home Sweet Home,” I tell him and he chuckles at my outburst. I pull out my key and unlock the door into the dark musty room. Its still daylight outside but I like to keep everything closed, I’m a vampire in a way, I like it dark. “Sorry if you cant see, lemme open the blinds,” I walk up to a window and pull open the curtains and then the blinds. Light flooded the area and I notice Zack squinting. “You should have kept them closed,” he says to me. I laugh as he sat down rubbing his eyes like the sun is melting him. He finally adjusted to the light and his jaw dropped as he stared around my apartment. “Like it?” I ask him because of his surprised face. He smiles and nods, his eyes stopped at one particular frame. “Is that…is that…Sammy Hagar’s?” he points at the beautiful crimson guitar set on the wall. “Why yes… yes it is,” I reply. He looks at me and pulls on the biggest grin ever, “Oh my God, Jimi Hendrix!” he screams out, I laugh at his enthusiasm. “No way! No fucking way!” he screeches, I furrow my eyebrows. “Robert Plant signed this?” he asks me pointing at the Led Zepplin “Early Days and Later Days” record. “Zack whatever is in this room is expensive and real,” I tell him. He squeals and I almost melted of adorableness. “FUCK! Eddie Van Halen!” he shouts another name. I couldn’t help but smile at his super duper cuteness and excitement. Its like he’s in an amusement park, but he’s in my home where I have a lot of expensive awesome things hanging up.

“Greg Ginn!” he shouted a bit too loud. “ And he signed my favorite album!” he shouts once again. I laugh more, “No Way that’s my favorite album!” I shout back and he looks at me with the a huge smile. “Six Pack, released in 1982, oh Black Flag I love you,” he talks to the record. I chuckle and wished he meant those words to me. “Anymore for me to freak out,” I smile, “I just got the right thing for you,” I respond to him and he smiled. “Come on!” I motion him to follow me to the empty room that I turned into my music room. I walk in there and look for the light switch, I finally find it and flick it on. I hear Zack gasp and look at the room in complete awe.

“Holy Jesus Balls Frank, where in the world did I find a man like you,” he says with a chuckle and kept gazing over my frame filled walls of many records from artists who signed them. Some of them I actually met them and they signed it for me. His comment made me smile so big I just had to attack him with my lips. But that’s a no can do.

“ Steve Soto of Adolescents and Agent Orange, Dave Trenga and Matt Garabedian! Both of them are you fucking serious! Behind Enemy Lines and Aus-Rotten! Nick 13 of Tiger Army! Dave Grohl of Nirvana! Dude! And Kurt Cobain right there! Holy Fuck!” he froze in front of one of the frames. I smile at him and trying to see why he’s standing only in front of that one. I walk behind him and realized why, “Yes Zack Kerry King and Jeff Hanneman, that thing was expensive, but worth it,” I tell him. He turned around and his smile was literally stuck to his face. “You want it?” I ask him and his smile turned into disbelief. “Oh no no no I couldn’t take it! No don’t do that! I don’t want it seriously its yours!” he rambled on.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, I walked up to the frame whilst he’s still talking and took it off the wall. “Take it Zack, I know you love Slayer,” I tell him. His face faltered a little bit, almost looking like he felt bad, but again was brightened up with a smile. “Are..Are you sure?” he asks me sounding so cute right now, I’m trying my hardest not to attack him. “Zack with all my heart, for being a great first real life friend that’s breathing and not a blade and for actually not think of me as a weirdo,” I admit to him. His face was in shock and excitement. He gladly took the frame and set it down against a chair. He walked toward me and pulled me by my shoulders suffocating me in the most comforting hug ever. I wanted to stay there forever, but I pulled away and he kept thanking me.

His face was then full of concern, “What do you mean not a blade? Is it what I think you mean?” he asks me. I look down embarrassed and ashamed by my words and past actions. I nod and his face was painted with hurt, “Oh Frankie, no need to do that, that’s what I’m here for, if you ever need to talk to anybody I’m here and trust me your not even close to weird. You’ve met my friends,” he chuckles and gives my shoulder a squeeze. “Your too beautiful to be harmed,” he adds and goes back to grab the frame.

My heart stopped beating for a moment, those words he had just said to me, pierced through my heart like a cupid’s arrow. No way am I falling for him, I just met him, no fucking way. His words just made me feel great and the fact he just shrugged them off like he never said them, but I could see a hint of red on his face. He avoided my gaze and threw a nervous smile at me. “Thank you,” I finally say and he smiles at me with those fucking dimples. I melt when he smiles, its amazing what his face can do to me. “You know what,” I start, he lifts his eyebrows, “Your just as beautiful,” I say to him and start heading to the door.

I smirked and stepped over the threshold and turned around, he was still standing there in shock and blushing redder than ever. “Well? Are you going to stand there or you want to follow me out?” I ask him chuckling at his reactions. He smiles and walks toward me quickly, he has a little skip to his trot and I found it quite adorable.

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“So Zack have you ever kissed a guy?” I blurt out while he was enjoying a cup of ice cream, since I‘m lactose and tolerant, I‘m drinking beer. I smirked at him, if I cant have him, there is nothing wrong with flirting with him. I never said I would give up on him.

He looked up at me with the biggest eyes ever, I laugh at his facial expression. “Well…uh…um…yeah,” he says quietly. I sat there shocked, “Really! Who?” I ask sounding a bit nosy, but I don’t care, I want to possibly know everything about him. I took a swig of my Jack Daniel’s and awaited his answer.
“Well, lets just say you already met him and he uh…flirted with you and totally was up on your sack,” he says to me. I furrow my eyebrows and then the thought came to me, I was kind of surprised, yet not really. “Brian! Wow, is he really that you know…whorish?” I ask him, not liking the way it came out. “Wait that sounded mean,” I corrected myself. He laughs, “No no its okay, yeah I get what your saying, yup…he is that whorish,” he admits. I chuckle chugging another swig. I licked my lips and laughed some more. “I’m surprised he was taken by you,” I gave him a confused face. “Usually he’s always on me, he has always wanted me, but I really, I just…its Brian for fucks sake!” he says loudly. I couldn’t help but smile, this guy is fucking hilarious. “I get it,” I say to him. He sighs and started laughing at his thoughts.

“So why were you surprised?” I ask him. He finished his ice cream and was about to take it to the sink, but I stopped him. He then sat down again and looked at me straight in the eye. “To honestly answer, I think he found you attractive like a lot, so he had to taste you in a way, not to sound nasty, but he’s always touchy feely kind of guy, to where I am don’t touch me or don’t feel me kind of guy, but I like hugs and that, but he’s too sexual, which makes me uncomfortable. He has done things to me that I am not happy with, especially when he took advantage of my drunken state, and the fact I don’t want him like that or anybody in that matter. But I’m cautious with him around you, because he will take full advantage of your vulnerability, which I doubt you have, but I’m just saying I’m surprised that he was taken by you because normally he doesn’t go to strangers. He’ll either go to me or tease poor little Mattie and he gets pissed off to, but hey its Brian,” he explains to me.

I’m starting to question his sexuality, it doesn’t fully show, but a spark of hope started to weakly light.