Sometimes I Wish I Could Disappear

I watched that beautiful boy leave, I felt like a creep, but I didn’t care. I wondered if he ever noticed me, he always seem to like to look at people, admire them, envy them, and smile. He has such a wonderful smile, perfect set of white teeth and a perfect set of tattoos on him, much like myself. He just seemed lonely though, almost upset about things, hurt, and foreign to a social life. I wanted to be friends with him badly, craving his personality, I wanted to know him. He seemed like a pretty cool person , I loved his eyes, which always fascinated me about him. They were bright and full of life, I could tell, but he seemed to afraid to live to the fullest. I wanted to change that, I wanted to make his life one hell of a ride, a thrill, happy, fun, and fulfilling. I was to afraid to talk to him though because of his beauty.

I knew already I wanted to be more than just friends with him, but I cant do that. I know I’m bi, I figured that out when I kissed my best buddy Brian. It was lust filled though, but I like it. I sighed to myself and started to walk slowly back toward home after spying on that poor boy. He just seemed so…broken.

As I made my way down the busy streets of New York, I realized how much I needed toothpaste. So I made my way to the thrift store and walked down the aisles of the dental care shit and stood in front of the shelf for like an hour.
Colgate or Crest?
Seriously, I’m debating about toothpaste, I just shrug, I have nothing better to do anyway besides stalk a wondrously good looking boy. More like a man, I should say, boy sounds to much like a pedophile. My mind finally wanders back to the toothpaste and I finally chose Colgate, it whitens teeth! I chuckle to myself and made my way to the cash register when I ducked into an aisle.

He was there, standing and waiting to pay for his purchases. I peeked out from behind the shelf, watching him, genuinely moving to the back of his pants pocket and pulling out his Misfits wallet. I squealed inside, he likes Misfits! He then paid for his stuff and slowly made his way out the door. I watched him contently, he hangs his head low and keeps his eyes on the floor. What has happened to him that makes him look like that? He always looks so sad.

I finally made my way to the cash register and bought my toothpaste, before I quickly almost ran out the door. I must find him before he’s gone. I’m going to go talk to him.
Wait! I’m going to talk to him? No I cant! Its to complicated, I start spitting out word things that have nothing to do with life. Shit! I cant do it, why must I get so nervous quickly? Darn you butterflies!

I slow down my pace and I spot him ahead of me, like about a few feet. My stomach did a flip and I can’t believe he’s this close to me. I’ve never gotten this close to him, I know that sounds weird, but I always stalked him at the park, there’s the full explanation. I make my way casually following behind him. He’s staring at the buildings and his surroundings, taking in every detail. He’s so darn observant, well who cares. I stare at the back of his head, hoping he wouldn’t turn around, luckily he didn’t. I started to observe him and nothing else. I noticed how small he is, although he’s very well built for such a little man. I noticed the muscles straining against his tight shirt. Zack! Stop being a creep! I cant help it though. I notice how he has such slight curves that I could wrap my arms around. The way his hips sway while he walks and smiles to himself every few seconds. Dude I’m so going to hell for this.

I felt my phone suddenly vibrate, Gah! Good way to ruin my checking out of a hot guy! I pull out my beat up iPhone and notice its just Matt who texted me.

‘Hey! Band practice Fri.’ it read.

I sigh and smile, at least that’s one thing that keeps my mind busy. Music is in my veins, what’s more to say? I texted him back telling him okay, until I realized I wasn’t paying attention and ran into somebody rather small. “Oh!” I hear someone say, before I regain my balance. “Dude I’m so sorry!” I say without paying attention much to the person more rather I’m worried about my phone. Selfish.
I finally look up and realize I ran into the beautiful boy. He looked at me with wide eyes, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to stop in the middle,” he rambles. I just smile, “Its okay, Its my fault I wasn’t paying attention,” I reply taking the blame. He just smiles and I swear I felt my face flush, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. “uh…I’ll be walking away now,” I say and with that , I went as fast as the walking pace would let me. God his eyes! They were so beautiful! The color swirling inside them, making my knees weak.

I take one quick look behind me and realize he was staring at me. He was staring at ME! Was I dreaming? Is this happening? Did I just imagine that? No! he was staring at me, I pretended that I needed to take the bus and sat on the bench, close enough range to see him. I narrowed my eyes a little, so it wouldn’t look like I was looking at him. He still stood there in the middle of the sidewalk looking at me. I felt my heart flutter, he wouldn’t stop looking at me. I started to feel self conscious, I don’t like the way I look, I’m fat and just ugh. But Matt, Brian, Jimmy, and Johnny insist I’m one sexy mother fucker and anybody would be at my feet. I didn’t believe them of course, I don’t believe I’m rather beautiful.

My phone vibrated once again, I groaned and seen it was Jimmy who texted me.

‘Hey! I see you from my window you turd!’ it said.

I rolled my eyes and snorted, I turned around and looked at the apartment building he lives in. Of course I see his fat head staring at me and he was waving frantically. I chuckled and waved back at him.

‘You fucking retard, stop stalking me!’ I reply.

Just then I felt guilt slash through me, I was stalking someone else. I see him look down, at his phone I guess. Just then my phone vibrated again.

‘Cant keep my eyes off your sexy ass’ he responds.

I felt my face blush and I just smiled at the stupid words. Fucking Jimmy, never fails at making you feel better about yourself.

‘Hey, you’d tap this’ I say back to him.

My phone vibrated again, Johnny Christ! Boy! Does he type fast!

‘No shit’ it said.

I just laughed and shook my head. I turned back to the window and what do you know, he’s still staring at me. I throw up my middle finger and he returns the favor. I turn back around pulling out my phone and act like I was playing games, I then narrowed my eyes back to where the beautiful man was, he was gone. Of course he was gone, he probably go tired looking at my ugly ass. I sigh and stand up. I then pat my pants pocket. Where’s my wallet? I look frantically around the bench. What in the hell?! I started panicking and realized it probably fell when I ran into the beautiful boy. I need to stop calling him that! Its annoying me, maybe I’ll call him hazel eyes. They’re so pretty to stare at.

I slowly make my way back to where I ran into him and it was lying right there in the middle for someone to grab. I sighed and picked it up, checking to make sure everything was in there.
Credit card…. check, 20 bucks…check, condom…check, Hot Topic gift card…check, Sam Ash membership card…check. Okay, everything is in here. I slid my wallet back in my pocket and looked up.
I see hazel eyes staring at me again, he was in the comic book store pretending to read a comic I guess. I did a small wave and walked away.

He was staring at me again, what was his problem? Then again what was my problem for staring at him all the time?