Sometimes I Wish I Could Disappear

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Zack was on my mind. He’s just so so so freaking perfect! Gah! I just wanted to lunge at him and make out with him right there and then. But honestly I don’t even think he’s gay. He just doesn’t look the type.

Why cant I stop swooning over him? He likes the same shit I do, he does the same shit I do. Just not a big fan of video games, but is more than willing to play them. He can draw, I cant, he’s in a band, I’m not, his eyes are beautiful, mine are eh, his hair is godly, mine is okay, his body is sex on legs, mine is repellent.

There is no way he’d be interested in me, especially someone like me who keeps their life in a shell all the time. I still can’t believe I managed to walk up to him and tap him on his perfect shoulder. My heart speeds up every time he smiled at me. His laugh is contagious, he also wore glasses that made him look so freaking cute! They were Ray Ban’s, yes I even know the brand of his god damn glasses. I’m freaking myself out with my little obsession with him. How do I ask him If he’s gay? How do I tell him that I want to try something new with him? How how how?

So many questions running through my mind, I cant even process my thinking straight. Its already 3:33 AM and I’m still up. I want to text him, but that makes me sound needy and desperate. But I want to talk to him, I need to talk to him. He’s the first guy who actually wanted to be friends with me. I opened up myself to him. He has to be friends with me. But I wanted to be more than that. I want him badly. I want to feel him, I want him inside me, I want him all over me, wanting me, begging for me, needing me.
Whoa! Frank what the hell? You just met the guy and you’re already dreaming of how you want him?

Why yes I am. Yes I am dreaming of what I want from him. Like that’s ever going to happen, that’s why they call them fantasies and dreams. They never come true. I don’t know where Disney came up with that shit. “All your dreams come true,” my ass.

I snorted and my hurtful yet hilarious thoughts. I sigh and decided to text him. I know I sound a bit obsessive, but I have to, he’s now my drug. So cheesy.

‘Hey! I cant sleep, I want someone to talk to :/’ I send.

I put my phone down and wait for about five minutes. Then that five minutes stretches to ten, then stretches to twenty and at last expands to an hour before he replies.

‘ oh hey! Something wrong? Sorry I didn’t answer fast enough I fell asleep on the couch with a bagful of Skittles in my hand, I’m gross huh? Ha-ha what’s up Frankie?’

I squealed when he called me ‘Frankie’ and no you are not gross! I love Skittles and you are perfect. I smiled at the text for about five minutes before I answered him.

‘ha-ha you aren’t gross and how did you know I love Skittles? Do you plan to share? Hm? JK! I’m just bored and I don’t wanna go to work L BOOOO! Screw life. Nothings wrong, just need to be gradually entertained, :D ‘ I answered.

I read it like twenty times. I sound like a creep. Eh. SEND! I waited for about two minutes.

‘Oh! *offers you skittles* happy?
Um. Idk how to entertain you, maybe porn can help? Ha-ha jk gross ew yuck ack gah! I tried watching it, didn’t work, I just ended up falling asleep. I cant believe I just told you that. I’m such a creepy fuck. Oh well, hey! Did you know? That my remote control just died on me. Like a bitch Ikr! It was like:
Uh…Zack I’m not working for you anymore! You dirty whore! No jk, I just don’t have batteries and I am too lazy to get up and change the TV and to go to the store and buy batteries. Yeah, a little fact about me. I’m lazy. don’t like it, oh well ha-ha!’

I started laughing, he’s pretty entertaining all right. I should just call him. My heart started beating faster, should I? should I call him? I can ask him?

‘Dude your so fucking hilarious! Your entertaining all right. Do you want to talk on the phone instead? Sounds better to me.
I seen porn, I’m a weakling.’

I laughed at the last comment and I sent it. I felt my phone vibrate.

‘definitely’ it read. I squealed and went straight to my contacts and pressed on Zack’s name.
Beep…Beep….Beep….
“Hello?”
I start breathing heavily in the phone, I held back a giggle, even though I needed to let it out so bad.
“Um…hello? Dude I know its you Frank!” I hear Zack’s voice sounding kind of frantic.
“Whose Frank?” I ask in a creepy voice.
“Um…I don’t know you tell me Frank,” he answers. I start busting up.
“I so knew it was you,” he adds.
“I know,” I answer.
“So what’s up short stuff,” he asks me.
“Um…nothing really, just staring at my fan and scratching my thigh, you?” I say.
I hear him giggling, oh god so cute, “I’m fighting with my fridge, and cooking a baked potato,” he answers. I laugh and hear some noises in the background.
“ZACK! Its Jimmy!” I hear someone yell in the background. Jimmy? Who the hell would be at his house at 4:00 in the morning.
“Jimmy! Oh sorry Frank!” he apologizes, I laugh. “Its okay,” I answer.
“Who you talking to Zee?” I almost gushed at his little nickname. Zee…it just sounds so cute.
“Some cool ass guy named Frank,” he answers. I smile and can’t help but blush.
“OH! Zacky moving on already!” Jimmy yells.
Huh? Moving on? What the hell is he talking about?
“Jimmy shut up, no I’m not!” he yells at him. “Sorry Frank, my giraffe friend is being a total douche,” he says to me.
“I can hear everything,” I tell him.
“What!?” he says sounding scared. “Jimmy shut up he can hear us!” he shouts at him.
Well if you keep yelling yeah!
“Sorry,” I hear him mutter.
“Can you hold on Frank, I’m so sorry,” he says, “Yeah sure,” I reply.
I wait for about ten minutes until I hear his beautiful voice again, yeah I’m cheesy.
“So so sorry! God I keep apologizing. Ah! My potato!” I hear him yell and I start cracking up.
I hear slamming and throwing things in the background.
“Uh…Frank can I put you on speaker?” he asks me. “of course,” I answer.
“Alright on speaker my dear friend,” I hear him shout.
“HELLO!” I hear someone holler. “Frank that’s Jimmy saying hi, you’ll meet him someday,” he tells me.
“Oh uh…hi,” I say.
“Zack he sounds so cute,” Jimmy says. What the hell?!
“Um…thanks I guess,” I don’t know what to say.
“Your Welcome, HEY!” I pull the phone away from my ear, Jesus Christ this guy can talk loud.
“Can you come over like right now?” he asks me. I look at the time, Its almost time for me to get up. Maybe I can call in sick today.
“Uh…hell yeah! Let me call in sick,” I say, “I’ll hang up, real quick and call you back,” I say.
“Okay,” Zack says.

I hang up and call my work.
“uh…hey,” I say sounding congested. “I cant come in today man…yeah…okay…thanks,” I hang up and squeal in excitement. I call Zack again and it only rang once when I hear the loud Jimmy.
“Hey there person I cant wait to meet!” he yells into my ear. Ouch!
“Hey! I can come over,” I say and then Jimmy starts giving me directions. “Cant wait to meet you,” he finishes and hangs up.
I squeal in glee and start heading toward my closet. I pull on black jeans with ripped knees and a Black Flag t-shirt. I throw on some Vans and my aviators before walking out of my house to Zack’s apartment. I’m so excited I made it there in twenty minutes.

I knock on the door feeling more nervous than ever. Someone opened it and I see the most tallest person ever. I’m guessing its Jimmy, he had glasses and had a piercing under his bottom lip, he had dazzling blue eyes and his hair, whew! His hair was epic.
“So your Frank?” he says with a lisp I didn’t notice before. I nod and he tells me to come in.
“Your cuter than how Zack explained you,” I felt a flush of red come upon my face. “Jimmy! Shut the fuck up!” I hear Zack yell. I giggle and see him come out with just a pair of sweats. Oh my god I’m so glad I didn’t come with tight ass pants or he would see my bulge. His chest was bare and I can see all his tattoos and dude he’s got a pack.

He’s eating a baked potato. So funny. “Sup Frankie?” he says and smiles at me. I melted and felt my knees go weak. “Hey, just came over and now I met your friend person thing here,” I say feeling like a total dumb ass. I feel so embarrassed. He laughs and I swear I see Jimmy pout, oops.

“Yup, but he’s my friend person thing,” he says while giggling. He’s the cutest thing. We all laugh at my dumb comment. “So Frank?” Jimmy says looking down at me. I swear man, my face is at his waist. Not literally, but that gives you a hint of his height. “Sit down man,” Zack offers to me. I gladly do because I cant stand here with my boner and my wobbly legs anymore. I sit on his comfy couch that feels like a cloud. “You seeing anyone?” Jimmy asks me. I gave a confused face and I watch Zack punch him.
“Dude really?” he says sounding angry. Jimmy is laughing his ass off. I’m starting to think he’s trying to make him embarrassed as much as possible and I think its cute. Poor Zee.

“Just kidding!” he says and I start laughing. “To answer your question , No,” I reply. He smiles and I see him wiggle his eyebrows at Zack. Zack shoots a death glare at him. What the hell?
“Sorry,” Zack mutters to me, “he’s a giant kid,” he says laughing. “Fuck you!” Jimmy yells and I start laughing at their stupidness. This is what it feels to have friends I guess. Zack hollers with laughter and I couldn’t help but smile. “So? Uh…what you want wanna do Frank?” Zack asks me. I shrug and wait for someone to suggest something, but I thought about music. “Um…can I see your guitar?” I ask him, feeling nervous. Zack smile and nods. He quickly gets up and runs to his room to grab his guitar. I’m here alone for a brief moment with the bold Jimmy. “So?” he asks, smirking at me. What was his problem?
“You like him,” he states. My heart stopped beating and I stared at him in awe. How did he notice?
“Haha got you!” he bursts. He threw his head back and let out an evil laugh. I can see why Zack always yells at him, he is a giant kid. I felt my heart beating normal again. Zack came out with a beautiful looking guitar. It was red and it had the numbers ‘1999’ on the head. Its glow glistened in the light. I smiled and stared at it. “You wanna hold her?” Zack asks. Her? I nod frantically and he hands it to me. I felt the weight of it, it was heavy, but light at the same time. I don’t even understand myself, just perfect I guess. I placed it on my lap and positioned it for me to play. I start strumming a tune and got lost in the music. I closed my eyes and tapped my foot on the floor. I felt silence around me as I made the noise. I quickly opened my eyes and see both of them gawking at me.

“Dude, I like you,” Jimmy finally says. I blush and realize I had showed them my passion. “Man, your good,” Zack finally says to. I felt my face turn into a tomato and they both laugh at my embarrassment.
“Don’t be embarrassed!” Zack tells me. He smiles and sits down on the couch next to Jimmy. “Here,” I say holding out his beautiful guitar to him. He gets up and grabs it from me. He starts playing a tune himself, sounds like Iron Maiden. All of a sudden Jimmy starts tapping away on his knees, two pens catch his eye on the table between us, he grabs for them and starts tapping on the wood table. Making a fast rhythm and using anything that makes sounds. I watched and envied them. They both smiled at each other making music. They were like the coolest best friends ever. I sat there grinning like crazy until they stopped. I was disappointed, I didn’t want them to stop.

“Dude!” Jimmy outbursts, making me and Zack flinch. “He has gotta meet the guys!” he yells again. Then Zack’s face lit up. “Oh my Jesus yes!” he yells back. I stare at them wide eyed, they turned their grinning faces on me.
“Do you want to?” Zack asks me, knowing my nervousness of a lot of people around me. He’s so considerate. I nod and smile.
“Good, because I don’t take no for an answer,” Jimmy adds.