Sometimes I Wish I Could Disappear

“Well. Mr. Zack that’s how I start off,” Frank says to me in the most seductive voice I have ever heard. It turned me on quite quickly. I was immediately uncomfortable with the tent forming in my sweats.

“Well, if that’s how you start off, this is how I’ll end it,” I say to him, with a nervous smile. His face quickly falters and a look of disappointment washed over it, but quickly leaving after a few moments.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, I chuckle, “It’s okay,” my heart was pounding so fast, I couldn’t comprehend the fact that he was flirting with me or he was just playing around for real.
As much as I want to believe the first choice, I went with the second. “What did ya wanna do now?” I ask him, still bored. Outta outta outta my mind…outta outta outta my mind! B.O.B suddenly pops in my head. What the fuck?

“Um…” Frank’s voice jerks me back into reality. “Wanna go for a walk?” he asks smiling. I pull on a grin, “Yeah, that sounds good,” I reply. “Lemme get dressed,” I quickly add before I walk into my room. I closed the door behind me and felt all nervous inside. This guy makes me feel nervous and get butterflies to easily. How does he do it?!

I quickly walk to my closet and look over my clothes. I settle on a pair of Dickies, Down To Nothing tee (A/N my fav hardcore punk band ever!!) , and Converse. I look in the mirror and stare at my hair. How the hell did I not notice it was disheveled!? How embarrassing! I walked out without looking at myself and Frank seen me! HE SEEN ME! Bare chest and everything!! Oh god he’s going to think I’m a slob now, doesn’t matter if I look nice right now anymore.

I quickly shook those thoughts out of my head, no need to worry, he’s just a great friend. Well, that’s what I think at least, unless he wants something more, Zack! Really? He’s not even gay! Or Bi! What is wrong with you.
I shake my head again with the stupid battle I had inside. I really need to stop that.

I finish fixing my hair and sprayed on some cologne, not too much so it wont seem like I’m trying, but enough to smell good and impress, not that he seen the worst of me already.

I check in the mirror once again and am satisfied with how I look. I walk back out and stood at the doorway, Frank looks up at gapes at me, I blush. I feel like I’m missing something. I get lost in my own thoughts and lifted my hand to touch my lips. “Fuck,” I hiss and run back into my room. I went to my dresser and found my snakebites laying on it. I smile and quickly put them threw the skin of my lips and tighten the ball at the end. I sigh and walk back out of the room and notice Frank standing up and fixing himself. How cute.

“Ready?” I ask him. He looks back up at me, “Forgot to put my snakebites on,” I tell him. He smiles, “Oh, and yeah I’m ready,” he answers. He shoots me another cute toothy grin. I give him the same expression and I grab my keys from the table and we start walking to the door.

-10 Minutes Later-

“Wow! No Way!” Frank shrieks. “Dude I’m serious! I was like totally suffocating in there man! I was like YO GET OFF MY SAC! And the stupid whore was like all up on me! I was so pissed and uncomfortable,” I explain again to him. He rolled his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. “Man, I would hate to be in a strip joint,” he admits. I chuckle and he just continuously shook his head. “I’m glad I’m gay,” he says laughing. My breath got hitched in my throat. He’s gay…he’s gay…he’s gay…HE’S GAY!
“Really?” I ask him, he looks up at me blushing and nods. I thought it was the cutest thing ever. “That’s cool,” is all is say, “My friend Brian is bi,” I say to him. “Yeah I kinda figured,” he says to me. I laugh and shifted to get comfortable on the bench. I gulp and wanted to tell him that I was gay to or bi. I just couldn’t bring myself to it. Here’s the thing, I was always ashamed or scared of being gay, the only ones who know are obviously my four best friends. Nobody but them and I want to keep it that way.

“Zack?!” someone says my name very loudly. Frank and I turn around and my eyes bulge. “Oh my God! Zacky!” my ex-girlfriend shouts. I felt my stomach drop, she ruined the most perfect moment in my life. She ran up to our bench and practically jumped on my lap. “Uh…hi to you,” I say to her. She giggles and hugs me tightly. “I missed you Zacky,” she says like a little kid. “Uh…yeah, me to,” I say awkwardly. “Who’s your friend?” she says disgusted at Frank‘s presence. I clench my right hand, but held my nerve. “This is Frank,” I say to her smiling as his name rolled off my tongue. I love it. Frank Frank Frank Frank Frank.

“Oh,” she says sounding like she doesn’t care. “Hey!” she shrieks making both of us jump. “Can we hang out sometime? You know make up for lost time,” she says flirtatiously. I felt my stomach knot up and ready to gag out a hairball or something. “Uh…sure?” I say sounding more like a question. I harshly curse myself for allowing it to come out. “Yay!” she squeals and hugs me tightly again and kisses my cheek. “I want you to be mine again,” she whispers in my ear. My skin prickles with disgust and hatred toward her. “uh…I don’t know about that,” I reply to her and her smile falters a little, but still a sign of hope in her eyes. “Well, I hope we become great friends,” she says loud enough and narrows her eyes at Frank who honestly is trying to ignore us and looks somewhere else. He’s so cute.

“Well, I hope we’re friends to,” I say, leaving out the great part, I’m suppose to be Frank’s best friend or great friend, like that’s going to last forever. I snort at my thoughts and she looks at me weird. “What?” she says sounding angry. “Oh nothing, just thinking, nothing,” I reply quickly. She lifts an eyebrow and smirks at me. “See you around you sexy piece of ass,” and with that she kisses me and I flinch, she giggles and squishes my cheeks before walking away, swaying her hips. I sat there in utter disbelief.

“Who was that?” Frank’s voice sounds irritated. I look at him, “My ex-girlfriend,” I say disgusted. I look at him and he nods his head, looking disappointed. “You still love her?” he asks out of nowhere. I look at him wide eyed. “What! Oh hell no!” I nearly shout at the world. He laughs and I pull a smile on my lips. “Well honestly it doesn’t look like she’s over you,” he states. I roll my eyes and snort in agreement. “Trust me, she’ll never get over me, we went out like years ago and she always manages to find me, I don’t know why or how, but she is definitely in love with me, a little too obsessive, you should’ve seen the way she acted when we were together, she showed me off like if I was some intricate ornament hanging onto her,” I explain to him. He nods and listens to everything I say.

“Wow…girls,” he says quietly. “Yeah…girls,” I agree and we both laugh. He’s so easy to talk to…well…at least for most things. It’s like I’m having an internal battle with my emotions and thoughts right now because I’m debating if I should tell him or not. Am I ready or not? I’m not ready, I’m definitely not ready. Its killing me! He needs to know. Maybe I could lie to him for a while and see if he takes any interest in me. Yeah, I could do that. Just try to keep Brian off of him, but he obviously doesn’t like Brian, takes no interest whatsoever. I’m not so worried about it anymore anyways.

Plan A is in action.
1) Lie to Frank and say your straight
2) Take notes of him as in body language and word wise to see if interested in me
3) Ask Matt to help out or Jimmy, most definitely Jimmy, but Johnny’s very easy to talk to, so Johnny and Matt it is!
4) If he does, I’ll come out.
5) If he doesn’t, well…you know…I’m great at keeping secrets…most of the time

I nod my head and smile at my stupid, but harsh plan. Sorry Frank, but I’m too chicken and well, its not easy when every girl that lays eyes on you, practically drools. I’m not that hot or I think I’m not hot, I don’t know, I’m fat and a slob. But I did notice the hint of jealousy in Frank’s voice, like he wanted to be my ex-girlfriend in a way. No way! I want him to be my first boyfriend. But whatever. I will work my way around my lies before coming clean to him. Besides that’s the only thing that I will lie to him about. Not cool, but I’ll be a great friend to him. A best friend.

I hope not.