For the First Time

"This is humiliating. I feel like a friggin' soccer mom," Dean spat as he pulled up to the Roadhouse.

"It's the only car Bobby had running so stop bitching for once," Sam snapped, rolling his eyes and surprising both me and Dean with his response. Wow, Sam had gotten sassy in his old age. He no longer took his older brother's crap. I was proud at him for that. I kept to myself as the guys got their stuff out of the car.

"You guys go ahead. I just need a moment to uh… reload my gun," I said.

The boys went ahead of me while I gathered myself. I couldn't believe that I was here with the Winchester boys, especially Dean. Not only had I gotten out of that life, but being here with him. The last time I had seen him had been great but when the goodbye came, it hurt so much. I kept telling myself that I didn't feel anything for him but I knew that I still did and that sucked. And just seeing him now confirmed the feelings, no matter how much he pissed me off. What made it worse is the fight we had had earlier. We hadn't said a word to each other in the car. Maybe a couple of one syllable words but that was it. I hated being mad at Dean and I also hated that he could make me feel so angry yet all those feelings I had worked so hard to get rid of. Of course he didn't want help. I should've known he'd react that way. We had been at each others' throats ever since our fight and the tension was killing me.

"Get a grip of yourself, Meredith," I said out loud.

I could here a bit of a commotion going on inside coming from the Harvelle roadhouse as I approached it. Of course. These boys always seemed to find some sort of trouble. I took a deep breath and headed into the roadhouse, only surprised when I saw both Ellen and Jo holding guns to the boys.

"Sam? Dean? Winchester?" Ellen asked, looking from one boy to the other. They hadn't noticed me yet, so I stayed off to the side.

"Yeah," they answered simultaneously.

"Mom, you know these guys?" Jo asked.

"Yeah, I think these are John Winchester's boys," Ellen said. She lowered her gun from Sam and let out a laugh. Hey, I'm Ellen. This is my daughter Jo."

Jo lowered her rifle.

"Hey," Dean said, giving her a small smile.

"Hey," Jo said back. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she found him attractive. Then again, who didn't? Why was I even noticing this anyways? Dean and I weren't together. It didn't matter anymore.

"You're not going to hit me again are you?" Dean asked Jo. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest as I leaned against the doorframe.

"Ellen, Jo," I said, greeting them. All four heads turned towards me.

"Meredith, you with these troublemakers?" Ellen asked.

"Unfortunately," I replied. She chuckled.

"Hey, Jo. Staying out of trouble, I hope," I said, acknowledging Jo.

"Maybe," she shrugged. We smiled at each other and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Wait a second, you know them?" Dean asked, confused and slightly ticked.

"Yeah," I shrugged.

"And you just failed to mention that?" Dean asked.

"I thought it'd be funny watching you two try and sneak in this place," I replied, innocently. Dean's face fell and he glared at me. I only winked at him before walking over and sat down at the bar. Dean rolled his eyes at me but that was normal. We had been at each others' throats practically since I had arrived at Bobby's. God, why had Bobby called me? Why the hell was I still even here?

"Get me a beer?" I asked.

"Sure," Jo replied.

"Thanks," I mumbled back.

Sam and Dean then began to explain their situation to Ellen.

"Ash!" Ellen called. All of us turned to the man flailing around on the pool table, just waking up from his slumber. He had on a plaid shirt with the sleeves cut off and a mullet. Ash! I had met Ash on a few occasions when stumbling upon the Roadhouse. Ash and I had ended up bonding over a couple of drinks and love for good music one night. We were just friends.

"That's Ash?" Sam asked, skeptically. He and I exchanged glances.

"Mhm. He's a genius," Jo replied. Ash came over and sat down where Dean had given him the brown case folder. He then looked over at me.

"My God. Meredith Summers. Is that you? I never thought I'd see you in this place again. I thought you gave this up," he said.

"I guess I just couldn't stay away," I said back.

"From me or this place?" he joked.

"Mostly you," I joked back.

"Well then, my pretty lady. Your wish is my command," Ash said back, taking my hand and kissing it. I chuckled and Dean seemed to be annoyed with Ash. I exchanged glances with Sam and he joking raised his eyebrows at me.

"You've got to be kidding me. This guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynard roadie," Dean scoffed.

"Just give him a chance," Jo said.

Ash rifled through John's case file and propositioned fifty one hours to work on it. Dean was talking to Jo over by the window and I could tell that he was flirting with her. Was it wrong that it bothered me so much? I hated that it bothered me so much. I tried to stop myself but there was no use. I dragged Sam over with me to see what they were talking about.

"Most hunters come through that door think they can get in my pants with some... pizza, a six pack, and side one of Zeppelin IV," I overheard Jo say.

"Well… what a bunch of scumbags," Dean said. Dean looked up as Meredith approached him with Sam. He felt guilty. He hadn't planned on hitting on Jo. The words had just kind of slipped out of his mouth. Old habits die hard?

"Not you," Jo joked.

"I guess not," Dean said. He looked over to see me and Sam standing over by the pool table which was close to the window. I looked over at him and then looked away. "I guess it's always good for a one night stand though."

"Yeah, you sure love those," Sam muttered.

"Seriously?" Dean asked, as if we were blowing his chance with Jo. I tried to contain my jealousy.

I shrugged, "I don't know. Sometimes one night stands are nice. No strings attached and you can just leave in the morning. You don't have to deal with whiny, 'I love you' relationship stuff. Or you could always say when you think the person's not listening and then up and run the next morning, right Dean?"

Sam looked over at me with a furrowed brow. Even I was surprised that I had said that. I could see Dean tense up. I hadn't meant to hurt him by saying that. It had just sort of come out. I knew he'd have a retort and I was anxiously awaiting this one.

"I don't know. As much as I like a no strings attached hook up as the rest of us guys do, sleeping with someone you already know is kind of nice. You care about them, you know who they are, where to touch, kiss… what makes them scream…" Dean said, raising his eyebrows challengingly and looking over at me.

Jo and Sam both shifted uncomfortably. They knew they had gotten themselves caught in the middle of yet another one of me and Dean's cross fires.

I knew exactly what would push his buttons so I said this, "Really? Coming from you, it's a little surprise. What is it they call you again? One night Winchester?"

"Whatever," Dean said, getting up and beginning to storm away.

"Is that all?" I asked, through gritted teeth, stopping him.

"Yeah," Dean spat, stopping in his tracks and whipping around to look at me.

"Good," I replied, a satisfied smirk on my face.

"Fine," Dean said back.

"Fine!" I said. He was not going to get the last word. Dean took one, hard look at me, letting the silence previal.

"Can I borrow you for a second?" he asked, although it did not sound like a question. He marched right over to me and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me after him. As soon as the two of us got out of the Roadhouse I jerked away from him.

"Don't touch me!" I demanded, angrily.

"What, baby? You used to love it when I touched you," Dean teased. Dean stood behind me and got closer. I could feel his lips on my ear as he whispered, "If I recall correctly you would scream my name." No matter how much I hated him at the moment, I was still greatly physically attracted to him.

"Fuck you, Dean," I said, shaking my head. I then felt his hands a pair of hands on my hips as he pulled me into him.

He wishpered into my ear, "I mean, if you want me to..." I could heard that cocky smirk in his voice so I violently pivoted around, pushing him off of me.

"Jesus, what's your problem, Meredith?" Dean asked, jolted by what I had done as he was forced to take a few steps backwards.

"What's my problem? What is my problem? You are my problem, Dean Winchester. You are such a, God, forget about it," I said, rolling my eyes.

"No, tell me," Dean demanded, glaring at me. Given any other circumstances, I would've jumped his bones right then and there.

"Ever since I got here you've been pushing me away. And then you start flirting with Jo?! You hit on practically every woman we've seen so far. Do you want to drive me insane? Do you think I like being here? No, but Bobby called me because he's been worried about you. For just one second if you could think about someone but yourself!" I screamed.

"Oh right, what a martyr," Dean said, sarcastically.

"Fuck you, Dean," I spat. There was this fire burning in my belly. I just couldn't stop saying the hurtful the words that were coming out of my mouth.

"Really? I'm being selfish here?" Dean asked.

"Yes! Ughh! You'd think that after two times in a row that I'd learn my lesson but here I am, Dean. Obviously you don't see that I care about you still and you know what? I hate caring about you, Dean. I hate fucking caring about you because it only screws me over. And I wish I didn't. I really wish that I didn't but I do and you're making it worse with all the shit you've been pulling!" I ranted.

"Wow, they're really mad at each other," Jo said, from inside the Roadhouse.

"Yeah…" Sam trailed off. "That is a very, very long story."

"I have time," Jo said, straightening up in her seat by the window.

"You're the one who came over," Dean argued.

"Oh right, this is all my fault now. Just because I wanted to see what you guys were talking about-, yes, I was curious okay?" I said, defensively.

"Curiosity killed the cat," Dean shrugged.

Instead of responding with words, I slapped him across the face.

"What the hell?!" Dean screamed.

"Well, I didn't have anything else to say," I shrugged, angrily.

"Look, sure, I've been out of line but you don't think I'm going through shit too?" Dean asked.

"Oh please, I know you're going through shit but that doesn't give you an excuse to be such a dick. At least you could do is talk about it but wait, I forgot you too manly to talk about it. I should've never come here in the first place," I said, walking away.

"Then fine. Go," Dean growled.

"Fine," I replied, storming off. Although it felt good to get away from Dean it also hurt that he didn't follow me. He didn't even try to stop me.

"Meredith, get your ass back here!" Dean yelled. I kept walking. He had to ask nicely.

"Meredith, wait," Dean said, sincerely this time. I stopped in my tracks. God, as much as I hated him, he still had me I the palm of his hands. I didn't say anything. I just stood there. "How are you going to get back?"

"I'll walk if I have to," I yelled. I kept walking away as I heard quick footsteps behind me. Dean grabbed me by the wrist and I tried to pull away from him. "God, Dean leave me the fuck alone, just get off of me!"

Instead of doing what I asked, Dean just pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. I struggled against him and then when I knew it was no use, gave in. I just stood there and he held me to him. I could hear his heart beat, a sound that I used to love and was too ashamed and proud to admit that I still did. I stood there, my arms dangling at my sides. I did not want him to know that this meant anything. My face was squished against his chest. So what? He thought that this was going to make everything better?

"Please, stay with me. We could really use your help," Dean said. I pulled away from him gently and looked up into his eyes. This was one of those rare, emotionally vulnerable moments that Dean had had.

I swallowed, knowing that I would regret this later, "Okay."