First Day on a Brand New Planet

15.

“Okay! I’ll be down in a second!” I yelled at Jamie. Today was his birthday and we were throwing him a small party at the house. BBQing, sitting by the pool, socializing kind of thing. I really wasn’t into it, but I overheard Emma saying that Taylor might show up. I was in my room trying to find something decent to wear. It’s been two weeks since she walked out of my house and I haven’t really kept up with my appearance, I just haven’t felt like it. Throwing on a pair of my usual black pants and boots, I looked at an old tank top and a blue t-shirt strewn across my bed. “She’s not going to care what you are wearing, Jared, you idiot.” I said mumbling to myself. After pulling the old white tank top over my head and tying my hair back at the nape of my neck, I opened my bedroom door to head down stairs when I heard Emma say excitedly, “Taylor! I’m so glad you came!” Running back into my bedroom, I quickly shut the door behind me and took off the tank top replacing it with the blue one.

_____

The image of her walking out of my house replayed over and over in my head. I wanted to run after her, but I was frozen in my doorway. I should’ve said more, I shouldn’t have let her leave, I should’ve done anything really. I mean for a guy that writes lyrics for a living, in that moment that I was watching her walk away, it seemed like no words had ever been written. But when someone tells you that they’d rather be anywhere else than be there with you, you’re pretty much screwed no matter what you say. The only words I could work up to say was “I’m sorry” but she was already out of eyesight when those words left my lips.

I tried calling her for the next couple of days, but she’d always forward my calls. Emma finally texted me later in the week and told me that she had been staying at her apartment until her roommate returned. Knowing that she was at Emma’s made me feel a little better on the inside.

So, I quit calling her. Instead, I picked up the guitar and went to work. It’s what I done best - making music. The guitar and piano became my best friends in these past couple of weeks, more than they already were.

I secretly checked up on her through Emma, but she wouldn’t really tell me anything. So I took what information I could get. I overheard that Friday that some of the girls that worked for me were all going out, plus Emma. Immediately I thought Taylor would be there if Emma was. So, I waited until they all left and Shannon and I headed to the club.

We entered through the back door and sat in the very back of the club watching everyone. I kept my eyes open for the girls, actually for one in particular. Surprisingly, it wasn’t packed that night with people. I was taking a sip of my water when I spotted her on the dance floor with the rest of the girls. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, I wanted to go dance with her - like that one night when I saved her from Mikey. That was a nice night. She kissed me that night. I felt a smile appear on my face at the memory.

I watched her dance back and forth with the rest of the girls. Guys approached her constantly but she all ignored them and honestly seeing that made me feel good. I didn’t take my eyes off of her for an entire hour and a half before I noticed she was leaving. Shannon met up with one of his friends and was in deep conversation when I approached him to tell him that I was ready to leave. He said he’d catch a cab and I made my way to my truck not giving it another thought.

I sat at the end of the alleyway in my truck watching her wait on a cab. I could tell she had a lot to drink tonight just by watching her, she talks excessively with her hands when she has too much to drink. Finally throwing herself into a cab, I turned out onto the highway and followed it. I can’t explain why I did it, but I did. I somehow felt like I was with her in a way, I can’t explain it.

I parked across the street from Emma’s house and watched her until she closed the front door behind her. For some reason I felt relief when I watched her and knew she was safe. As soon as I pulled away from the curb to head home I felt like I couldn’t breathe again. I don’t know what was wrong with me.

So during the day I’d close myself up in the studio and write and record and at night I’d drive to try to clear my head. Everytime that I would go driving at night I’d end up by Emma’s or parked across the street just to hopefully catch a glimpse of Taylor.

I would never tell anyone about my nightly excursions, they would think I’ve lost my mind, but it gave me a few moments of clarity and I cherished that. It was knowing she was close by that cleared my mind and I loved that feeling. I was sitting across the street one night when I seen her and Emma come outside. They both sat on the front steps and talked. She was so animated when she talked to Emma, unlike with me, it was like she was closed off when she was around me before. I would do anything to know that she was mine and only mine, but the only thing was…. she didn’t want me. After that night, I didn’t go back to watch her, it became too hard on me. I would have to learn to move on, it wasn’t healthy to live like that.

______

Opening my bedroom door I made my way downstairs, my heart sped up with every step I took. I stopped at the bottom step and took a deep breath and stepped around the corner into the living room.

“Jared!” Jamie slurred as he hung on me. I just laughed and gave him a hug. He was a great friend, a really drunk friend, but nonetheless great. I made my way around the house, greeting people, secretly searching for her. I walked outside to the pool to get a little air. I still didn’t see her.

Leaning on the wall that separated myself from the world, I looked at the LA skyline. The sun was setting. It was beautiful.

“Hey.” a soft voice said behind me. I spun around to come face to face with her. She looked beautiful. She had on a dress that fit her in all the right places, heels that made her legs look like they could go on for days, and her hair fell around her perfectly shaped face in loose curls.

“Hey.” I said sounding more eager than I wanted to. She giggled to herself.

“It’s good to see you.” she said placing a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. I could tell her emotions matched my own. It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest and do an Olympic style dive into my pool.

“It’s good to see you too. Umm…. do you wanna….. go somewhere…. and maybe talk or something?” I asked. It felt like I had a huge knot in my throat. She didn’t seem to mind though, she agreed to talk to me.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked. I would’ve went anywhere at that point with her. Shrugging her shoulders, she said, “It doesn’t matter, wherever.” I leaned over to grab her hand in mine, but she pulled away. Looking up at me through her long lashes she mouthed an “I’m sorry” and softly smiled. I smiled back at her, feeling defeated, and led the way into the house.

I led her to my bedroom. It was the only place in the house I knew we wouldn’t be interrupted. She came in and sat in the chair in the corner of my room. I watched her as she pulled her dress down, trying to cover herself, from what - I don’t know. I sat on the edge of my bed, grabbing a pillow to shield myself. We both have our nervous habits.

“How have you been?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“I’ve been good. What about yourself?” she replied back. I’m sure she could’ve cared less how I have been doing.

“Eh, trying to keep busy I guess.” I said messing with the corner of the pillowcase.

“I got a new job. I don’t like it, but it’s money.” she said.

“Oh that’s great! Where at?” I asked.

“A bar downtown. I guess that will have to do until I can find something else more permanent.” she had a look of disgust on her face.

“Well, if that’s what you want to do. You know you always have a job here waiting on you.” I said truthfully.

“It’s not what I WANT to do. It’s what I HAVE to do Jared. And I told you I can’t work here.” she said sounding agitated.

“Well if you ever change your mind, it will be here.” I have never felt so rejected in my entire life. I wanted this moment to happen for two weeks now, and here it is, and it’s not going the way I thought it would.

“Jared…. do.not.do.that.” she said, I could tell she was holding back tears. I went to comfort her but she stood up and walked across the room away from me.

“What? I just said that if you…” my words were immediately cut off by her own.

“I know what you were trying to say. I shouldn’t have came here. It’s too soon!” she cried out. I started to walk towards her again but she started pacing the room. All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and she wouldn’t let me.

“What can I do to make it alright with us?” I asked, pleading for some kind of reconciliation. She didn’t say anything, my room was filled with silence. “I’m sorry Taylor! GOD! What can I do?” I yelled at her.

“I don’t know Jared! Can you take back me flying all the way to LA from Louisiana to interview for that job?! Can you take back all of the back and forth with me and you?! Can you take back that night in the hotel?! Can you take back you sleeping with that girl?! Can you take back my feelings for you?!” she screamed. She screamed with every inch of energy she had in her body and I let her.

I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her, she tried to pull away at first, but she eventually gave in. She cried into my chest, I felt her tears seeping through my shirt.

She pulled back and looked up at me with red, puffy, tear filled eyes and said with a raspy voice, “Can you take back everything? Please? Take it all back, before I met you.” I tried to wipe a few tears away from her face, but they never stopped falling. “If I never had met you, I wouldn’t be hurting this bad.” she finished laying her head back on my chest. I felt tears building in my eyes at the harshness of her words, but they never fell.

We were standing in the middle of my room when I heard a loud noise come from downstairs. “Taylor. You stay in here okay! I’m going to see what that was.” I said.

“No I’m coming to.” she spat back wiping some tears away with the back of her hand. I didn’t have the energy to fight her on that, I was worn out when it came to her.

We both ran downstairs to see someone had thrown a lawn chair through the sliding glass door that led to the pool. I looked up and seen a group of people in my studio yelling at one another. Taylor and I made our way into the room to see what was going on.

My stomach dropped when I seen the girl holding one of my most treasured guitars. “AHNA! Put that guitar down right now!” I screamed at her. She simply looked at me and laughed.

Jamie had passed out in the sound booth with the door closed. Everyone else was trying to get this crazy bitch to put down the guitar. I felt a hand grab ahold of my shoulder. Turning around, I seen it was Taylor.

“Ahna?” she asked. I didn’t know if she was asking me or herself. I shook my head in agreement.

“Ahna? What are you even doing here?” I asked. I didn’t invite her, if I found someone in this house invited her, I am going to kill them.

“I have my sources. I want to know why you left me in Miami Jared?!” she yelled. This was the last place I wanted to air out my dirty laundry.

Before I could say anything Taylor had came around in front of me and laid in on Ahna. “What are you doing here you crazy bitch?” she said making small steps towards Ahna.

“Don’t talk to me, you little whore. Go back to work or something.” she said to Taylor.

“Whore? Whore? Really, you did NOT just say that! I think you have me mixed up with yourself doll!” Taylor was now face to face with her.

“Get away from me and get out of my face.” Ahna said pushing Taylor, almost knocking Taylor to the floor.

I helped Taylor back up and she looked at me under her lashes. I should’ve gotten in between the girls, but I didn’t. Taylor needed to lash out at someone and Ahna was the perfect person for it.

Taylor turned back around and snatched the guitar out of her hand and handed it to me. “Hey bitch! Who in the FU…..” Ahna’s words halted suddenly. Taylor grabbed her by her hair and they both went flying through the sound booth glass door. Glass shattered and they were fighting on top of Jamie. Ahna didn’t have a chance in that fight, Taylor had so much built up rage if she could’ve killed her, she would’ve.

Before I knew it the cops had shown up and was pulling the two girls apart. We all three got arrested. I got arrested because it was my residence. Ahna wasn’t in there but 5 minutes and she bailed herself out. Taylor and I were in a cell next to one another.

“That was crazy huh? You really did a number on her?” I asked making us both laugh hysterically.

“She deserved it.” she said trying to contain her laughter.

“She did that’s for sure. Poor Jamie. Oh, well he didn’t have a clue what was going on.” I said turning around to face her. She laughed again.

“Taylor?” I asked.

“Yeah?” she replied looking up at me through the black iron bars.

“If I could take it back, you know, to make you not hurt anymore I would. But… I wouldn’t take it back for me.” I said.

“Why?” she asked. Tears looked like they were threatening to fall again.

“Because, I know we weren’t “together”, but I had hopes that we could be someday and I went and messed that up. So, I wouldn’t take it back, because my moments with you, were the best I’ve ever had.” Her tears started falling then. It hurt to see her this way, because of me. I’ve never been so affected by someone other than her.

She put her head down and let her tears fall. I reached through the bar as far as I could and rubbed her knee.

“Leto?” the guard said making me jump up to meet him on the other side of the cell. “You’re cleared to bail yourself out.” I nodded my head in agreement. Looking back over at her she was looking at me with her dark eyes. She smiled softly at me and lowered her head back down. I sighed to myself and walked out of the cell.

After I had gathered my things with the clerk, I leaned down and asked the lady at the desk, “How much to bail her out?”

The lady looked at me and said, “$800.” I pulled out my credit card and handed it to her. “You pay at the entrance of the jail. I let them out of their cell.” she said. I nodded in agreement.

I started heading out of the room when I walked back, taking a last look at Taylor. Leaning down, I asked the lady, “Will you do me a favor?” she nodded in agreement. I continued, “Will you wait until I’m gone before you let her out?” She agreed and I left, not looking back.