But Loving Him Was Red...

[3 Days Later]

I blushed, accepting my HotWhiteMocha out of Seth’s hands when he placed it down in front of me. He placed his own coffee down and sat in his seat.

I was excited to be going on coffee dates with him, he was so cute and such a good father to Cruz, not to mention that he’s totally gorgeous.

I had no idea where this was going, but frankly I was afraid that he would want to be in a relationship with me, I know in my heart that I still really care about Sidney and I can’t be with someone when I know damn well, I’ll be wanting Sidney in the end. It’s not fair to Seth.

“So,” Seth cut through the silence, stealing a sip from his coffee. He was too cute. His loving green eyes peeked over the white cap to his to-go cup and he smiled at me.

I was mesmerized by this guy, but I couldn’t quit picturing Sidney. I was in love with him and I knew it in my heart that I was, but why can’t I tell him the truth? “What is this?”

“Uhm, it’s a coffee with three sugars and two creams, just the way you like it,” I smiled, pointing at his cup. I assumed that’s what he was asking me…

He chuckled lightly and sat his cup back down. “No, I mean… what are we doing? Is this legit? Like, are we…” He put his hands together.”You know…together?” He meshed his palms together in an odd manner.

I wasn’t sure how to answer him, so I remained silent and I didn’t know if he could hear it, but my heart was racing heavily under my thin black oversized sweater. He sensed it and smirked. “I’m sorry Emily, I know this is putting you on the spot, I apologize,”

“No Seth,” I smiled. “I just don’t know what to say,” I frowned. “I like you, I do… or else I wouldn’t be here, but I still care about Sidney and I can’t betray you because I feel the way I do,” I had to be honest with him, I felt it was easier than dragging him down with me.

“No, I totally understand,” Seth laughed. “I am not completely over Heather either, I mean… she’s a bitch to put it bluntly, she’d rather have her ass plastered all over the internet than plant it at home with her daughter, but I still care about her at the same time,” He let his eyes fall to his coffee. “But, I do like you too, and I’d hope that if you and Sidney don’t work out, that you’ll come to me,”

I blushed, feeling my self-esteem rise a billion miles off the ground. “I will come to you,” I planted a goonish smile on my face. “I promise,”

“I still demand coffee dates,” Seth smiled. “I don’t care, together or not, we need to make this shit regular,”

“I have a 45 minute window every Wednesday before class, because Lucia is in daycare,” I twiddled my thumbs. “Say meet here at 10:00 every Wednesday morning?”

“Sounds good,” Seth flashed his winning smile. I was amazed this guy was actually into me…

= = =
“Lucia,” I cooed, opening the door as she came running in, hugging onto my leg. “How was Daddy’s?” I knelt down, getting a proper hug from her. I was dreading the day she gets older and moves out, or gets married. This was my baby.

“Daddy made cookies,” She held up a bag of chocolate chip cookies. They looked bought, not baked. Sidney walked in behind her and sat her bag down just beside the doorway.

She took off upstairs to her room, probably to grab one of her toys. Sidney smiled at me.

“Have time for coffee?” I asked Sidney, who nodded and followed me into the kitchen. “How was Lucia?” I poured the hot coffee into the cups and placed them down on either ends of the table for us as we sat down.

I loved that we could talk freely with each other now and nothing was awkward between us. We put the sugars and creams into our cups.

“She was really good, as usual,” He smiled, sipping the coffee. “So, what did you do while she was out?”

“Another date with Seth,” I smirked, watching his eyes when he looked over at me. “We talked about us and I think we are an item,” I knew we weren’t, but I wanted to see his reaction to see if he cared or not.

At first, he was a blank slate, but then he got confused and then finally, his eyes proved he was disliking this. “Who knows, Sid, I may end up marrying this guy,”

“Emi-“ Sid started, but Lucia come bolting into the kitchen carrying her coloring book. “Hey princess,” He scooped her in his arms and put her on his lap. She brought crayons and decided she’d color at the table. “Are you really that serious with this guy? I mean… I’ve never met him. He better be nice to my daughter,”

“He is very nice with Lucia,” I assured him, patting his hand. “And you don’t really need to meet him, you should trust my judgment,” Sidney scoffed, a smirk on his lips. “What?”

“Nothing…” He waved his hand through the air. “Not a damn thing,” He looked down at Lucia. “What are you coloring?”

“Horsie,” Lucia giggled, coloring the horse a shade of green. Leave it up to kids’ imaginations. “Daddy color too?” She held up the red crayon. Sid took it without skipping a beat. “You color the fishy,” She pointed on the opposite page to the dolphin in a flipping position. Sid began coloring the dolphin the red color.

I couldn’t let that go. What was his deal? “You don’t trust my judgment?” I hated bringing up things that seemed petty, but I wanted to know he truly felt.

“Emily please…” Sidney looked up from the coloring book. “Let’s not talk about this in front of Lucia, okay,”

“I want to know how you feel…” I showed a stern expression. He was dating what Tyler called a she-bat and I didn’t care as long as she was good to Lucia.

But from that outburst at his parents, I wasn’t so sure they were back together.

“Fine,” Sidney laughed. “I don’t trust your judgment, because you dated Claude and I know how much of an asshole he was to you and he better have watched it around my daughter, so I don’t doubt for a second that Seth is the same way,”

“He was never an asshole to Lucia, because I wouldn’t have put up with that and Seth is not the same way, he’s nice and he has a daughter of his own,” I growled, sitting back in my chair and crossing my arms angrily over my chest.

Sidney dropped his crayon and covered Lucia’s ears. She didn’t even notice. “And since he’s around my daughter and you think you’re going to marry him, then I have every fucking right to meet him,” He whispered harshly. “Because if he is ignorant to my daughter, I will bury him,” I had to fight the smile that was trying to escape. He was so protective of Lucia, it was kind of hot.

“He is not, trust me,” I lowered my tone. We weren’t having an argument; we were two parents talking about their child and her well-being. “DO you think I’d marry some guy who treated my daughter like crap?” He didn’t answer me, he just stared. “Sidney, you know I’d never do that,” I had to laugh, he was so serious.

“Why? Is Carly a bitch to Lucia?” Sidney remained quiet. Ohmygod, she was. I instantly tightened my features up. “If she is, then I will knock that bitch the fuck out, mark my words,”

He finally spoke, but frowned. “No, she never talks to her to or does anything with her, like I said many times before, she hates kids,”

“Then why are you with her? You have a kid,” I pointed Lucia out like it should’ve been obvious.

“I didn’t know I had a kid when we got together,” Sidney grumbled. That one hit me hard and I sat back, trying to fight the tears. “You should’ve heard the things she said when I told her I had a kid,” He looked at Lucia. “Hey sweetie, can you go up to your room and grab Daddy your blue elephant,” Lucia nodded and slipped off his lap and like a bullet she took off to her room. Once she was up the stairs, he looked at me. “She called you really mean names,”

“She did?” I asked, running my bang out of my eyes. “I can just imagine, I mean… look who you are and some girl comes and says she has your kid,” I heard it a lot that some girls will fake that they have the kid of some famous guy for the publicity and the money.

“She called you a money-grubbing whore,” Sidney frowned. “I mean, I never doubted you for a second and when I saw her picture in the magazine, I will admit, I cried because I had a daughter that I never knew,” His eyes filled and he sighed. “I can’t believe some guys will take off when their girlfriend gets pregnant,”

“Some guys just don’t care,” I sighed. “I’m glad that you do and wanted to be a part of her life,”

“She’s my little girl and I can’t believe how childish I was,” He put his hands on his face. “If I wasn’t such a fucking ass, we wouldn’t be having this conversation and I would’ve known her as a baby,”

“Stop blaming yourself,” I huffed, watching him take his hands off his face and look me in the eyes. He had tears in the corners.

“Look, I left… I chose to leave and I chose not to tell you, I am the bad guy in this, not you…”

“But Emily…”

“No buts, I am the asshole, not you,” I pointed at him. “If you ever speak of this, call me the bitch who fucked up your life,” I stood from the table. He abruptly stood up and stepped in front of me.

“You did not fuck up my life,” He said angrily before turning and storming out of the house. I dropped in the arm chair and let the tears roll down my face.