Dirty Little Secret

Liz, Steve and I flew to South Carolina in the early morning hours before Tate's graduation from marine boot camp. The morning sickness and the nervous feeling that sent shocks throughout my body made the flight almost unbearable. I was excited to see Tate, but then again it's been easy without him being home. I didn't want to fall back into the depression that I kept denying that I was in.

Now I was here, sitting in uncomfortable theater seats, watching proud parents wave at their child and take a few snapshots before returning to their seats. Liz was one of these proud parents. These parents annoyed me. I knew that it was just hormones mixing with the plane flight that was making me feel like this but all I wanted to do was smash all of the flashing cameras into the ground and call it a day.

"God, it's like four billion degrees in here," I complain as I shrug out of my jean jacket. "Are you hot? I feel like I'm going to melt."

Steve shook his head quietly as a small smile played on his lips. This made me mad too, it wasn't funny. I bit my tongue as the parents were asked to take their seats. Finally the graduation was starting.

One by one the names of different graduates were called, Tate being one of them. But I wasn't paying attention, my blood was beginning to boil and sweat was starting to slip down my face. I was happy that we were finally able to make it outside where the graduates would be waiting.

I spotted Tate immediately. He was the tallest in his unit. Liz immediately rushed to her son and threw her arms around her. "We are so proud of you."

Steve pulled him into a hug after Liz finally let go. Steve's embrace was nothing like his wife's. He instead hugged him lightly, thumping him once on the back before breaking away. Now the attention was on me and Tate. I didn't know what to do, we hadn't talked to each other since the night of prom.

"Hi," I say awkwardly.

"Hey," he says after a moment, the goofy grin I once loved so much was etched into his face.

Thankfully the silence we had been enduring wasn't for long. "Daniels," a girl with light blonde hair that was wrapped in a tight bun approached up.

Tate's goofy grin turned into a giant smile as he gave her a small hug then introduced her to his parents.

"This is Melissa. Mel this is my mom and dad Liz and Steve, and this is Cori."

"Are you the sister?" she asked in an overly sweet voice.

"No, actually I'm having his baby," I blurted out without thinking twice.

"Oh yeah that's right. Tate's told me all about you. I'm glad that you and your father are on good terms now, for that baby's sake and all," Melissa smiled an evil little smile.

I look at Tate. I had written to him talking about the difference in my dad. I wondered what else he has told her, or what she's read on her own. He avoids my eye contact by continuing the conversation with Melissa and his parents.

Coming here was a bad idea. Tate and I were supposed to catch up and talk out all of the details of what's going to happen in the future. But here we are, an hour after the ending of graduation still talking to the same girl and her family in a small, local diner.

I was sitting in between Steve and Melissa's younger brothers who were messy eaters and managed to get ketchup on my dress. Steve sat at one end of the table and Melissa's dad took the other end. Tate, Melissa and her mom sat across from us.

"Tate made boot camp fun. After a really hard day, I'd always look forward eating dinner with him. You have an amazing son," she said, putting her hand on Tate's thigh as she leaned over him to talk to Liz and Steve.

Tate leaned back, putting an arm over her chair, which he kept there most of the dinner. Tate and Melissa shared other innocent touches throughout the dinner. No one probably took notice in them but I did, and Melissa knew that.

Eventually I got up from the table causing everyone to stop and look at me. "I'm not feeling well, excuse me."

As I walk away I can hear Melissa muttering loudly, "Are you sure she's pregnant? She looks anorexic to me."

I let my tears fall freely once I'm in the bathroom. I couldn't believe that I was letting some girl get to me. I hated the thought of her and Tate together. I hating thinking that if I couldn't have him then nobody could. I wasn't that type of person.

The bathroom door opened and I quickly blotched my tears off my cheeks before anyone could see.

Tate stood behind me, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I studied him closely. He wasn't the same person that I saw at graduation. Tate aged a lot in just a few short months. His hair was no longer long, thick and wavy but short and buzzed like most people in the military. He seemed taller but that might have been caused by the amount of muscle he had put on. Tate was intimidating before but now I found him slightly terrifying.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a soft and inviting voice.

I shake my head, "Nothing. I'm just a bit nauseous. The baby probably doesn't like what I ate."

"You barely touched your burger, and you love burgers. Tell me what's wrong."

"Fine, it's a little hard to see you and that girl being all touchy-feely. I didn't think you'd move on so fast and it's silly of me to get jealous when I have no reason to."

"We weren't 'touchy-feely'."

"Bullshit. She had her hand on your thigh like most of dinner and there were a few times when you would rub her back."

"I didn't even realize. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, I knew that you'd end up with someone else but I wasn't expecting such a raging bitch."

"Mel and I aren't together."

"Again, bullshit."

"Fine but it’s not anything. She was just someone to talk to," Tate tells me.

"You had to talk to her about me and my personal stuff? I don't want people to know that my mom kicked me out because I wouldn't have an abortion or that my dad and I are finally having full conversations. Why would you tell her things about my family? My family, Tate."

"I let her read a letter or two; I forgot that all of that was in there."

"Even worse! Those were my letters to you and only to you! I didn't let my friends or even your parents read your letters to me because I respect your privacy. You know what? I'm just going to call a cab and go back to the hotel."

"I'll come with you," Tate offers.

"No, you stay and have a good time with your girlfriend."

"Cori, don't be like that."

"I'm not being like anything. I'm tired and want to go to bed and I want you to stay here and have a good time with your parents. They've missed you."

I pull out my phone and dial information so I could have a taxi come pick me up.

"At least come back and say good bye," Tate said after I got off the phone.

I nodded my head and he took my hand. It was odd feeling our fingers intertwined, a welcoming yet uncomfortable sensation went up my arm but I held tight, all the way back to the table.

"How are you feeling, Cori?" Liz asked after wiping her mouth with a napkin.

I rest my hand on my stomach; Tate places his hand on top of mine as he stands behind me. "I'm not feeling well, I think the flight and the heat is getting to me so I called a cab to take me back to the hotel."

"We'll see you both at the hotel then," Steve said and Melissa's eyes go wide.

"I want Tate to stay here. You need to catch up and I just want to go to bed. It was nice meeting you," I smile bitterly to Melissa.

"Want me to walk you out?" Tate asked.

I shake my head no. Tate bends to kiss the top of my head then pulls me into a tight hug. I couldn't help myself to steal a glance at Melissa and watch her jealously rage.

"I'll come check on as soon as we get back."

**

I had my tank top pulled up over my stomach. I was on the verge over stripping entirely because I was so hot but I didn't have the energy to move. I listened to the beat of Heart Shaped Box coming through the portable speakers that rested near my belly.

I hadn't even realized that Tate had unlocked the door using the spare key card until he was standing over me. "Good job, teach them to love the good stuff before it's born."

my eyes shoot open and I feel my heart skip several beats. "Holy shit you scared me."

Tate laughed lightly as he took a seat the edge of the bed. "Are you hot?"

"God yes, I feel like I'm on fire. I don't think the air conditioner works properly."

"Actually it does. It's pretty cold in here."

"Oh god, fuck being pregnant."

Tate laughed and I glared at him evilly. "Sorry, it's funny because your shirt says fuck."

"It reflects my mood."

"Gotcha, don't go anywhere. I'll be right back."

I rolled my eyes again, like I'd go anywhere. Tate returned and went straight to the bathroom where I heard him turn on the bathtub. He later returned and immediately picked me up.

"Tate, put me down!" I shout.

"I will hold on."

He sets me down in the bathroom; the tub was being filled with water. Ice cubes were floating on top. In one swoop Tate had my tank top off of my body and was bending down to pull my underwear down my legs.

"Tate! What has gotten into you?" I shout trying to cover my body.

"I've seen it all before, how do you think this got there?" he pointed to my stomach.

Tate helped me into the tub. It was cold but refreshing. The water wasn't nearly as cold as I would have liked it but Tate didn't want me to get hypothermia. Tate sat on the tiled floor while I got comfortable.

"Your body is changing," Tate murmurs.

"I know, my nipples are getting darker," My move my arm to cover my breasts so Tate would stop looking.

"What's it like, being pregnant?"

"I'm more emotional, your parents probably really hate me and I'm always sweating so that's gross. But there's something about being pregnant that makes me happy so it's not all bad."

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. When you told me, that night I went to my drill instructor and told him that you were pregnant and I needed to go be with you but he just laughed and told me to do pushups."

"I would have been so pissed if you came back."

"Why?"

"You joined the marines because you wanted to do something for yourself because if we hadn't of broken up you would have followed me anywhere. If you came back then that would have meant that you're still putting your life on hold for me. I couldn't have lived with that."

"True but I needed to be there for you and I needed to take care of you, I still do."

"Tate, we aren't together. You have no obligations, at all. You could go all the way to the moon if you wanted to."

"I know that we aren't together but that's still my kid. I don't want it to grow up and resent me because I wasn't there in the beginning."

"I think it'll understand. You're fine."

I stayed in the bathtub until all of the ice cubes were melted. Tate helped me get dressed again as if I was helpless but it was cute the way he was so protective over something that was only the size of a grape.