Never Stop Believing

“What you want from me, Brian?” – I put my hands on my waist and looked at him with a serious look. I was ready for hearing everything but less what he was really thinking about. He looked at me, putting his cigar between his lips, with a pervert smile on them.

“Me? You know what I want from you… Violet.” – The way we said my name I understood what he really wanted and I couldn’t believe on it. Jimmy is his best friend and I am Jimmy’s girlfriend. How could Brian say and think in that shit about me, when I am Jimmy’s girlfriend? Honest to God, I never liked Brian but I didn’t tell anything of that to Jimmy because I know how much Brian is important to him but after this scene, I couldn’t even look at Brian without feeling disgust him.

“How dare you, you son of a bitch?”

“Calm down, my dear. I’m not thinking about dirty things… come to my house, tomorrow. We need to talk.” – He got up of the couch and gave me a little card with his phone number and address. When I was about to tell him I didn’t have anything to talk with him and to forget me, Brian turned his back to me and I saw Jimmy coming down the stairs with his beautiful smile on his face. Fortunately, he didn’t hear our conversation. I hid the card between my waist and my panties and walked towards Jimmy. – “Jimmy! what’s up, man?”

“Gates! I’m great, actually!”

“Yeah, I could figure it out while I was talking with the woman of your dreams. Violet is a good girl, isn’t she?” – Sarcasm was Brian’s tone while he talked with Jimmy about me but never taking his eyes of me. I smiled to him with sarcasm too trying making Jimmy believe everything is okay between Brian and me. Jimmy put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a kiss on my forehead what made Brian’s sarcastic smile faded of his face.

“Good girl? She’s the most perfect girl in the world. Do you want a coffee or something?”

“Yeah, thanks. Actually I didn’t take breakfast already and I’m a little hungry” – Seriously? He came to Jimmy’s house, offends me and now he wanted to take breakfast with us? Okay, Vi calm down, his Jimmy’s best friend. I took a deep breath while I sat in the chair. Jimmy said Brian to take the breakfast with us and, of course, he said yes. I understand, it’s normal Brian come here and spend days with Jimmy… even don’t like him, I would try to be nice with him. Actually, all I wanted was to see Jimmy happy. But, after what happened, it would be hard and the last thing I wanted was to have Jimmy and Brian mad with each other because of me. No, I didn’t want that. So, I looked at Jimmy to come back to my normal and for a few moments, I was nice with Brian and Brian with me. They talked about the shows they would have in USA and about the new album. Jimmy also asked me to go with them on tour but it would be very difficult to me because I had dates to comply and no one makes the master for me. Of course, Brian had to say something very funny to attack me.

“Jimmy, come on! You have to understand. Violet is a future doctor and… she won’t always around when you need her.”

“Look, Brian. I don’t know what your purpose is but… I can be a person committed to my studies and my professional future but you can be sure that I never ever put anything in front of people I love, most in this case, Jimmy and my family. Whenever Jimmy needs me, you can be sure, I'll be there!”

“Oh, really? Like in the last time?”

“Enough, Brian! Fuck, what’s wrong with you? Violet is important to me. She always was. What the fuck, man? Why are you always attacking her?”

“I’m sorry, bro. I’m sorry… it’s just… I’m jealous, you know? I was used to have you all the time to me and now...”

“You have Michelle and I never attacked her for that.”

“It’s different, Sullivan. You know it’s completely different. My relation with Michelle is… something more physical and you and Violet… never mind. I’m sorry!”

“Well, I’m sorry guys. I will prepare my things.” - I said, putting the napkin on the table and taking my dishes to the dishwashing machine. Jimmy and I would have to go to my ‘house’ in the residence to get my stuff. It would be very hard to me leave Bea there alone but I’m sure she will understand.

“Don’t forget we have to go to the University.” – Jimmy said with a tone of responsibility on his voice.

“Sure. Bea will become a heartbroken.”

“Don’t worry with her. She’ll be fine.”

“But… wait. Why are you two saying that?" – Brian interrupted us. I looked at him and he was clearly confused with our conversation. I though immediately the next days he would attack me even more.

“Violet is moving to here. Finally, we’re together.”

“Oh… congratulations!”

I went upstairs to Jimmy’s bedroom to dress me up and to get my stuff. Well, our clothes were all on the floor, I took them and when I looked up to put Jimmy’s cigarettes on the desk, something else called all my attention. It was a very big iguana! I wasn’t expecting to find an iguana in a calm Saturday morning so I screamed for letting me scared. I started walked very slowly towards the cage where the iguana was. When I was near it, I moved myself down to look at it. The iguana looked at me as well and it seemed to be smiling at me. I took a risk and take it out of the cage and put it on my arm.

“You can’t fall in love with her, Mr. Bungle. She’s mine.” – I knew it was Jimmy talking but I was a little scared to have his iguana on my arm that what I did was to jump and screaming like crazy. Jimmy started laughing while he walked toward me to take Mr. Bungles out of my arm because it was fucking scared too and it could hit me with its big and long tail. – “Don’t worry, Bungle. She will be used to you. You need to understand you’re very sexy like me and girls become nervous when they are near us.”

“So imagine how this girl here becomes having you two so near her.”

“Are you challenging me for something?”

“No… I’m just teasing you.”

“So you’re challenging. Mr. Bungle, go home and close your eyes.” – Jimmy put Mr. Bungle on its cage, and then he took his shirt off and walked towards me.

“Wow, we can’t Jimmy.”

“We what?”

“We have so many things to do…”

“Yeah, and make love is one of them! Come here, my sexy babygirl!” – Jimmy grabbed my waist and began to kiss my neck and trying to take my Ramone’s shirt off. I felt my temperature rising and the desire was also increasing. He pulled my body against him and the way he was kissing me was driving me completely crazy. But I wanted to work things out with Bea as soon as possible and then Jimmy and I were just free to make love all day. So my hands went up from his chest down to his shoulders and I started trying to push him away from me.

“Jim, did you hear me? We have lots of things to do… do you want me to live with you, or not?”

“Of course I want but now we can-”

“Now… now… now we have to go. Sooner we go to the residence, sooner we return to make love and more love... come on, we gotta go.”

“Grrr, I hate you!”

“Yeah, yeah. You hate me as much as I hate you. You’ll thank me later. Now, let me dress up.” - I gave Jimmy a deep kiss and he moved away frustrated with me, pouting. I began to pout too and quickly he changed his mind and started tickling me till I couldn't get it no longer.
Jimmy and I dressed ourselves up and some minutes later we were driving towards the residence. It was Saturday so there weren’t many people there. For sure, everybody was sleeping yet, reeling from the party on Friday. We went to my room and I open the door very careful to avoid waking up Bea. Too bad. She was already awake.

“May I?”

“Violet! Sure. It’s also your house, remember?”

“Yeah, but I’m with Jimmy so…”

“Oh God! Do wanna kill me? Come in…” – Jimmy is one of Bea’s idol and she wasn’t used to the idea I was his girlfriend since our teenage time and with all that confusion in the bar, we still hadn’t managed to talk about it. Jimmy and I came into the room and greeted her. I started to feel a little bit nervous because I didn’t know how to tell Bea I was about to leave her. She became my best friend and without her here it would be very difficult to me in the first days. Jimmy and I sat in my bed and Bea was sitting on her bed looking at us with a worry look. She understood something was wrong.

“Why do I get the impression that you have something important to tell me?”

“Bea… you know Jimmy is very important to me…”

“Yeah, I know. And, honestly, I’m very happy for you two. You deserve to be happy, Vi. And you too, Jimmy.”

“Thank you. I’m glad to know that. You know Violet and I passed many years without know a shit about each other and now being together is the best thing that could happen to us.”

“Oh my God! I can’t believe this... You’re moving to his house, aren't you?”

“I’m sorry, Bea. You know you’re very import-” – I couldn’t finish the sentence because Bea jumped through her bed and ran to us and hugged us tightly.

“I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!!! Finally, you can live what you didn’t live along these fucking years.”

“Don’t you mind, Bea? You know all I want now is to be with Jimmy.”

“Of course, I don’t mind. Come on! You’re dating with my idol. Are you kidding me? It’s the best news ever!”

“You can go every time you want to my… to our house. And it’ll be good because when the guys and I go in tour, you can stay there with Violet. I don’t wanna leave her there alone.”

“Really? Are you talking serious?”

“Yeah! You’re Vi’s best friend. I want her with me all the time but… I know I have to share her with some people. With you, for instance. And about the tour, yeah, I’m talking very serious. You can stay there with Violet.”

“I love you, Jimmy. Thank you!”

“You know I do everything and anything to have you happy and comfortable.”

“Fuck! You’re so fucking cute! Now, you know what you have to do?” – Bea said and I knew something bad would come out of her mouth. And I wasn’t wrong.

“What?”

“Babies!!! Lots and lots of babies!!!”

“Don’t worry with that! I’m a baby’s machine!”

“Jimmy!”

“What? It’s true!”

After minutes of conversation about the last night, Jimmy, Bea and I started to get all my stuff. All my clothes were already on my suitcases and now only missing my decorative items, makeup and, of course, the letters. Interestingly, they were found for Jimmy from under my bed. He opened the heart-box and when he saw there were all his letters, looked at me and smiled. His eyes showed me all what he was feeling at that moment. The blue of his eyes became clear and brighter and his smile... well, I was sure he was very happy and proud to know that I never stopped thinking about him for a minute. When everything was ready, I got ready to say good bye to Bea.

“I’ll miss you, Vi.”

“I’ll miss you too. Who will be here with you now?”

“I’ll talk with Lisa. She wasn’t very happy with her roommate so... but she isn’t you.” – Bea hugged me and started crying. I didn’t take too long to cry too. I’ll miss her so much. She was the one who really want to know me better, besides Jimmy.

“I know, girl. But… I’m still working with you every day, remember?”

“Thank God!!!”

“I love you, Bea.”

“I love you too. Take care of her, Jimmy. Please.”

“I will, don’t worry. Thank you to support my girl on her difficult days.”

“Thank you to make her happy.”

Jimmy and I took the suitcases and left the room. I was very worry about Bea. I know I would see her every day like before but it’s different. We live together almost six months and I was used to wake up with her madness every morning, fall asleep talking about girl stuff… but in the other hand, I was moving to Jimmy’s house and finally we could be together forever and nothing is better than that.
It was now lunch time and we went to a restaurant near the beach to eat something. We went to the Seafood Zone and coming in, we saw Johnny and Lacey there. They saw us too and we stayed in the same table as them.

When we approached to the table, Jimmy slapped Johnny's head and they started fighting like little kids. It made me remind when Jimmy did the same with my brother when we were younger. My brother was older than us but Jimmy didn’t care. He kicked my brother’s ass easily. Lacey and Johnny became very happy with the news of Jimmy and I would live together and we talked about do a party or something to celebrate. Then, we talked about the tour. Yeah, the tour. The next month, the band would do the tour around America and Jimmy and I would be far from each other once again and it was something that scared me a lot. I was afraid to lose him again. I wasn’t prepared for that. Neither now, neither never. I knew it was just two months out but I would always think he doesn’t come back for some reason. The fact of being in his house left me less worried but I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I let him go and he didn't return about seven years. I didn't want to go through all the pain again because this time I would have no hope.

After the lunch, Jimmy and I returned home. We left there my stuff and then we drove to the house of Jimmy’s house. Jimmy told them we were together again and of course they wanted to see me. I missed Jimmy’s parents a lot. We had a very strong relation since the beginning. Actually, I missed his entire family, but unfortunately, I wouldn’t see his sisters. They married already. Maybe someday we lunch together in a family lunch any Sunday.

When we arrived there, Barbara, Jimmy’s mom, and Joe, Jimmy’s dad, were on the porch sitting on two benches each, waiting for us. Barbara seeing the car parking in the front of the house got up of the chair and ran towards the car.

“My mom is as happy as me, I guess. Get ready to be crushed against her chest.” – Jimmy said, holding my hand and giving me a kiss on my cheek.

“I don’t mind. I miss her!” – I smiled to him and we got out of the car. Barbara took her hand to her chest and showed me a huge smile. Her eyes were full of tears as mines. I walked towards her, without saying a word, and she hugged me, pushing my body against her, giving me lots of kisses on my face. That hug was so good. Bit by bit, I was realizing everything what was happening wasn’t a dream. It was real. My real life.

“Oh, my dear! I’m so happy to see you again!”

“And I’m so happy to be with all of you after all these years. My God! I can’t believe this!” – I hugged her again and then I looked up and Joe was approaching us with a beautiful smile on his face. Jimmy is very similar as his father. Since the day I met them, every time I look at Joe, I imagine Jimmy when he becomes older. I pulled me away from Barbara and Joe hugged me too giving me a kiss on my forehead.

“The happiness of my son is back. I’m so glad you two are together again.”

“True love overcomes all, Joe.”

“It’s true, Vi. It’s true.”

Jimmy greeted his parents with a hug and then we came into the house. I couldn’t control myself when I went to the living room and saw one picture that means so much to me. A picture of Jimmy and I in the last day we had been together. I stopped walking for a few moments and silent tears rolled down my face. Jimmy understood why I was crying and he just turned me to him to face me and gave me a passionate kiss.

“Neither me, neither my family forgot you. And when my dad said my happiness is back, he knows exactly what he’s saying.”

“I love you so much.”

“I know. I love you more. Let’s sit.”

Jimmy held my hand and we walked towards the couch and sat there joining with Barbara and Joe. Every time our eyes crossed, Barbara began to cry with happiness. Her hands didn't leave her chest as if she was trying to calm down her heart. As if she thought his son was safe now. Now he had everything that made him happy and now he was complete. She was right. Jimmy couldn’t stop smiling and he was always kissing me and caressing me like he did in the past. Nothing changed. Just our love that becomes stronger every day. Jimmy’s parents asked me about my parents and brother. When I said Barbara I has a little sister with her name, she became very proud. It was me who chose my sister’s name. I always loved the name Barbara but when I met Jimmy’s mom, and seeing she is one of the most sweet and nice people in the world, I wished my sister would be like her. We talked a little bit more about my family and what bring me to LA and then the hard question: what happened between Jimmy and I. Actually, we didn’t have an answer to that question. Maybe we lost each other when we moved to another house, or maybe another thing happened. We don’t know and maybe we’ll never know. Jimmy and I ended up spending the afternoon with his parents and stayed for dinner. Kelly, a sister of Jimmy, appeared there and stayed to dinner with us too. Jimmy and I felt very happy being together. That moment was like a step back in time to those days we lived in a love pure and innocent.

Some hours later, we came back home. We were very exhausted. I had no patience to pack my things and Jimmy and I still have much love to make. I went up to the bedroom while Jimmy went to the bathroom. I was putting my dressnight on thinking on that nice time I had with Jimmy's family. About 3 days I didn't talk with my mom so I decided to call her. I took my phone from my bag, and I sat on the bed. I was looking for the number and when I was about to call, I saw a card on the floor near the edge of the bed. It was the card that Brian had given me. I got up quickly from the bed and ran to pick it up before Jimmy saw it. I hate having to lie and hide things to Jimmy moreover now that we were beginning a new stage of our life but I wanted to understand what Brian wanted from me before saying something to Jimmy and, mainly, I wanted them to continue friends.

“Violet! Oh my God, it’s so good to hear your voice.”

“Hey mom! How have you been?”

“Great! Your sister is becoming a smarter girl and your dear brother is moving with Stephanie.”

“Really? Finally! I’m so happy for him!”

“Your brother grew up since he met Stephanie. I’m sure she’s the one. The hardest part is… now Baba and I are alone here…”

“Oh, please mom. Don’t say that. Someday I’ll visit you. In Christmas time!”

“We miss you so much!”

“I miss you too, mom. Listen, is Baba awake?”

“No. it’s 6am, Vi. I’m awake because I’ll have a meeting this morning.”

“Too bad. I miss her. Give her a kiss from me.”

“Don’t worry. So, what happened to you along these 3 days?”

“Mom… I have something important to tell you!”

“Aren’t you pregnant, are you?” – In that moment, Jimmy came into the room, jumped to the bed and started kissing me and biting my neck, trying to tease me. He was getting it.

“Jesus, mom. No! But… it’s here someone who wants to talk to you.”

“Who?”

“You’ll recognize the voice.” – I gave the phone to Jimmy and he started smiling like a kid. He took the phone and told me almost whispering how he was too nervous to talk with my mom but he did it.

“Mary! Congratulations to have a wonderful and gorgeous daughter!” – With that, of course my mom would recognize who was talking with her. Jimmy was always saying that to her when we started dating. I could imagine my mom face when Jimmy said this now.

“Oh God! JIMMY?”

“MARY!”

“Oh God bless you!!! I can’t believe this. How are you? Jesus Christ! How did you find each other? Oh dear Jimmy…”

“Calm down, Mary! Everything’s okay. Vi and I still together. I mean, she moved to my house today. We’re living together.”

“OH MY GOD! You have no idea how much happy I am today. It’s the best news my daughter could give me. Jimmy, I’m so happy for you two. You two was made to each other and the fact you found each other again it’s a sight God really exists.”

“Thank you for all, Mary. You have to come here. My house is open for you and your daughter and son. By the way, how's Phil?”

“Almost married. He moved with Stephanie.”

“Really? Big boy! I miss him and I’m very excited to meet Barbara.”

“And she’s very excited to know you. She was always asking Violet who was Jimmy Sullivan of the letters. My girls spent days in Vi’s bedroom reading your letters. You’re very important to Vi, you know that?”

“I know Mary. And believe me… she’s my life!”

“I’m sure she is. Thank you for all Jimmy. Thank you to make my girl happy.”

“It’s a pleasure. I’ll pass to Vi, okay?”

“Okay! Take care, Jimmy!”

I talked a little more with my mom, or rather, I tried to calm her down because she was so excited with the news and began crying and it was hard to relax her again. It was good to see my mom was happy because of us. After all, my brother, sister and I are the important thing she has in life. I hang up the call and Jimmy was already lain down on the bed. I put my phone and the Brian’s card on my bag and went to bed. I lay next to him and began to kiss his chest and his neck. He pushed me to him grabbing my arm and kissed me very slowly in his own way, while I bite his lips very gently. He pushed me to over him, also taking my nightdress, leaving me just with my panties, sitting over him. He was just in boxers so quickly I could feel his upright member near my hot hideout. He grabbed my wrists, making me hold the top of the bed. He started licking my breasts, his hands was travelling to my back from my legs while I moan without stopping. He pulled away my panties and I felt him taking his boxers off. He was still kissing and licking my breast but then his lips travelled down and down. Now I was feeling his tongue licking my sensitive area. My body started shuddering and moans were constant this time. He was really teasing me and all I wanted in that moment was feeling him inside of me.

“Jimmy, come inside of me deep in my passion… come on!”

He didn’t say a word but a few moments later he began by threading his middle finger very slowly, while his tongue was moving slowly too. He realized I was becoming crazy, then after increasing the speed of his movements, he came out from under me and stood behind me. He kissed my neck, shoulders and back. I began to feel his big member coming inside me. We two started moaning. All his body was stuck to my back. One of his hands were caressing my breasts and my belly while the other was near mine, holding the top of the bed. My body was asking for more and more. He started with slow movements making me feel his entire member coming inside. He took it back and put it there again and that was driving me crazy. I was in his hands and couldn't do anything; I mean I didn't want to do anything. His movements began to be stronger and faster and his touch was becoming more intense and passionate.

“Can I coming inside of you?”

“Do it, Jim… I wanna feel you explode inside of me.”

He leaned his head next to mine and began moaning near my ear what made me feel even more exciting with him. I felt shivers along the spine and his movement was growing fast. Our breaths were getting heavier. I began to feel my body shuddering slowly until suddenly felt a huge pleasure that made me cry and scream for a few seconds. His penetrations were becoming slower but his kisses were increasingly passionate. Jimmy lay down beside me and I lay over him, kissing him. His hands were caressing my face and he kept telling me how much he loved me and how happy he was to have me with him. Past few minutes, we fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up very early. I took a shower, got dressed and got ready to go to Brian's house to find out what he really wanted from me. I took one of my notebooks and tore one of it sheets.

‘I went to buy something sweet as you to our breakfast. I won’t be long. I love you so fucking much, Jimmy. Till the end.
Violet.’

I put the sheet over my pillow, took my bag and left the room. I called a taxi and some minutes later, it was there. I left the house, came into car and while the trip; I call Brian saying I was arriving to his house. Less than 10 minutes, I was there. I left the car and walked towards the door and rang the doorbell. Quickly, he opened the door to me.

“Come in.”

“Good morning to you too.”

“Morning.”

“So, what you want from me?”

“Take it easy, baby. I woke up now.”

“I don’t care. What the fuck you want from me.”

“Do you want a coffee or something?”

“Brian… I’m not here to drink coffee or tea or some shit with you.”

“Okay. You can sit on the couch of the living room. I go just feed my dog.”

“Feed yourself too.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.” – Brian called his little dog Pinkly and went to the kitchen. A few moments later, he came back to the living room and sat next to me. I pulled myself away from him and he started laughing.

“I don’t bite.”

“You don’t bite but you try. What your problem with me? Please tell me because I’m freaking out with that. I don’t know you, you don’t know me. I never did anything to you, so please tell me what’s going on.”

“Talk me about… Paul!” – okay, now seriously. I didn’t understand where he wanted to go but for some moments my vision turned black. I didn’t want to believe he knew.

“Paul? I do not… I don’t know nobody calls Paul.” - I said stuttering, taking me off the couch and turning my back to him. Brian got up of the couch too and approached me. He grabbed my arm and pushing me to him. He was really near me and he was scaring me as hell.

“I know everything about you, Violet. Who’s Paul? WHO IS PAUL?” – He started hurting me and the fact he was yelling at me and talking about Paul left me very nervous. He was referring to a past I tried to forget but it never will erase from my memory. My eyes filled with tears and Brian left me, pulling himself away from me.

“Paul was a drug dealer... he used me to sell drugs. I also got in drugs for two years. But now I'm completely clean.”

“And Jimmy knows that?”

“No…”

“But you’ll tell him.”

“How did you know about Paul?”

“Well, Niko is a friend of mine. Niko is also a cousin of Paul. You should know that. When you stopped to answer to Jimmy’s letters, I started to look for something about you. Niko was in London too so… I tried. Some months later, he told me a girl calls Violet joined to the group. It was you. How could you?”

“I was lost… my life was a piece of shit. I started to not receive any single letters from Jimmy. I thought the worst things about him. Maybe he’s dead. Maybe he found someone. Maybe he hates me for some reason… you have no idea how much difficult was to live without Jimmy. Live with many fucking questions tormenting your mind every day. Miss him every single second. Miss his love, his friendship…”

“You can tell me all the fucking shit you want. You won’t convince me. I don’t trust you.”

“Why? Why, Brian? I’m clean now. I’m happy now. Jimmy is happy now. What you want more?”

“What I want? I told you already what I want. First of all, you’ll tell him this entire story. Then, you’ll get out of his house and of his life! You suck, Violet.”

“Fuck you, Brian. Who hear you talking believes you never touch in a piece of drug… everybody have a dark past. I have mine, you have yours. Yeah, I’ll tell the truth to Jimmy. I don’t have secrets with him.”

“You’re a digger.”

“A digger? What about you, Brian? Where’s Michelle? You’re using her. She loves you and you’re just using her for all your needs. Shame yourself.”

“Don’t talk about you don’t know about!”

“So, you do not talk about what you don’t know about. I love Jimmy with all my heart and soul. I waited for him all this years and I’ll never ever leave you, are you hear me?”

“Don’t think you have my support on it.”

“I’m seeing you’re a great friend of Jimmy. Congratulations.”