Nothing's As It Appears

So I’m lying in my bed at the moment, I got home a little while ago and since then I've just been feeling down. I can feel the vibrations of my brother’s music through the thin wall of my room. I can’t really say why but it’s somewhat soothing in my moment of distress. Have you ever felt just empty? Like every emotion felt just a couple hours ago disappeared without a trace left behind and now you’re left with nothing?
That’s precisely how I feel right now, and I don’t like it. I want him to know how I feel for him, or maybe I just want to figure out what I feel for him… Maybe I don’t love him, maybe it’s just admiration? Maybe I’m delusional or going through a phase? Or perhaps I do love him but I’m too scared to admit it because I don’t want him to reject me…

I just want to disappear.
“…what am I even doing with my life....?” I sighed this rhetorical question to myself like the weirdo I am.
“Talking to yourself like a weirdo because you have no friends.”
My eyes flew open, shock clearly evident on my face, as I whipped my head over to see my brother’s dark silhouette in my door frame. His face illuminated by the sun leaking through my blinds making him look like a ghost.
“What the hell Dorian you scared the shit out of me!”
“ Ha, um well isn't that kind of my job being your older brother and all?”
A smirk found its way onto his smug face while a scowl found its way onto mine.
“What do you want.” I heavily breathed out not even fully caring for an answer.
“Well… you seemed a little down when you got home so I just wanted to make sure you were alright or something…” He shrugged his shoulders, not really able to look into my eyes out of embarrassment for showing his soft side.
He only shows me this side of him when he knows something is off with me, although I say he’s the devil, I know he truly cares for me deep down. I’m still a little shocked though.
He stands in the doorway just looking around, perhaps for the answer to his question. At this moment I just want to shout and tell him that I’m in love with a boy and I don’t know what to do, but something in me stops that from happening. I’m scared. I’m scared of the fact he might hate me, or even disown me, because I like a boy. I stay silent.
He glanced over at me and could tell I wasn't going to utter a word, so I guess he decided not to push me for the answer and just came and sat down on the bed next to me. After a couple of seconds of just staring at the ground he laid back onto my bed and gazed at the ceiling not saying anything. I laid back as well. We both laid still in silence for what seemed like an eternity…