Believe in Me

“I’m sorry…I’m so, so sorry.” I bawled, sitting on the bed next to Patrick. We were quiet on the way back to the hotel, but as soon as we entered the room, I broke down. “I’m sorry my family is so fucked up. This is all my fault.” I cried. “I’m sorry.”

Patrick sighed, rubbing my back. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m not mad.” He said, trying to comfort me. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt like shit. I felt embarrassed. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. God, I’m so embarrassed. I know you don’t want to deal with shit like this. If you want to end it, I understand.”

“Lilly, stop.”

“I swear, you’re under enough stress already. I don’t want my fucked up family to cause anymore. I didn’t mean for this to happen. It’s all because of my dad. I don’t know why he’s back. I’m just sorry, okay? I’m so incredibly sorry. Really, if you want to end things then that’s fine.”

“Lilly, shut up.” He said bluntly. I wiped my eyes, looking up at him. “Shut up.” He repeated. “I’m sorry.” I whispered. I walked into the bathroom and began to brush my teeth. Patrick followed, leaning against the wall. “I’m not angry. I don’t want to break-up. I’m fine. Things will work out. Take it easy. You need rest. I’m not angry at you at all. Finish up with your teeth, and let’s get some sleep.” He instructed.

How did I get so lucky? What on earth did I do to deserve this amazing guy? I asked myself while I brushed my teeth. I stared at Patrick through the mirror, just thinking about how blessed I was to have him. It wasn’t fair. His family was amazing. His life was amazing. He’s perfect. Then there’s me. The young girl with a dysfunctional family who can’t even play a game of spoons without drama.

“I got something for you.” He said, opening up his duffle bag and pulling out two teal boxes. I walked over and sat on his lap. “Open them up!” He smiled.

I bit my lip and untied the white bows. “Tiffany&Co” was written on the boxes, and I blushed. “Why did you get me these?…I don’t deserve this.” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me, holding my waist tightly. “You’re my girlfriend…you deserve everything. Especially after tonight.”

I didn’t reply. Instead, I opened the boxes. The first one had a necklace inside. A typical silver necklace with a heart charm. I smiled, taking the piece of jewelry out of its box. I looked closely and saw “Patrick&Lilly” engraved on the heart. I looked at him, blushing, and planted a sweet kiss on hi slips. “Flip it over.” He told me, and I did. I saw the “88” on the back and chuckled. “I didn’t know what else to put, so in case you ever forget my number, it’s on the back.”

“You’re so lame.” I chuckled, getting off of his lap. “You’re not going to open the other one?” He asked like a little boy. I rolled my eyes, “Of course I am.”

The second piece was a matching bracelet, without an engraving on the heart. “You can wear them together!” He encouraged. “Thank you. I love them.” I told him. I grabbed the boxes and threw them in my suitcase. Patrick and I laid in bed, falling asleep together. The two of us barely had any clothes on, but that didn’t matter. We were cuddled up in bed, just laying together with our hands entwined. We weren’t tempted to have sex. That night, it was all about being with each other.
______________________________________________

I sighed, walking out of the airport. Patrick was already back, but he had some interviews to do, so I came back to the city by myself. I didn’t tell my family I left. Not even Landon. I didn’t want to speak to any of them. They didn’t care either, seeing as though they put absolutely no effort into speaking to me at all. I hadn’t called or texted them, and they hadn’t called or texted me. We were done.

I took a cab and immediately went to Rachel and Jon’s condo. Rachel called me and said she’d wanted me to come over, so I did.
I took the elevator up the huge building, waiting until it got to the top. Before I could knock on the door, it swung open. “Thank God, you’re here!” She shrieked, pulling me in. Something was up with her. She didn’t look as happy as she usually did, but she didn’t look sad or hurt.

“I need your help.” She told me as we sat down on the sofa together. I raised an eyebrow at her, nervous for what she was getting at.

“Is everything okay? Are you okay?” I asked her. She sighed, and rose from the couch. She pulled me up and led her to the bedroom her and Jonathan shared. I was beyond confused, but I continued to follow her. We walked into the (huuuuuuge) master bathroom, and stopped.

The two of us stood by her makeup counter, and then I knew.

I looked down at the two pregnancy tests in awe.

Both were positive.

“Oh my god” Was all I could say. I looked up at Rachel, who was now crying. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She cried. I wrapped my arms around her, giving my friend a warm hug. “You’ll be okay. Everything will be okay. Breathe, just breathe.” I advised. She pulled away from my arms, and grabbed some tissues for her face. I was shocked. I knew something was up when she called me, but I never expected Rachel to be pregnant. Not this soon.

“Jon’s going to flip! What if he leaves me!?” She shrieked, laying down on the bed. I sighed, biting my lip. I didn’t know what to say. I’d never dealt with something like this. “I doubt he will leave you. Jonathan is an adult. He’ll take responsibility. His family loves you, he loves you. It’s not like you’re some one night stand.”

“Do I tell him tonight?!” She asked. I paused, thinking of what to say. “Well, first you need to see if those tests even worked.”

“I took two, Lilly. I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”

“You never know. Let’s go see a doctor.” I told her. She sat there silently for a moment, then got up and walked out of the bedroom. I followed and saw her grab her purse and throw on her boots. “Okay. Let’s go.”

The wait at the Doctor’s office was miserable. We probably waited almost two hours since we didn’t have an appointment.

“I need to know if I’m pregnant.” Rachel said immediately when we met with the doctor. She chuckled, eyeing the both of us. “Have you two been trying?” the doctor asked. What the fuck?

“Ew, no. We’re not lesbians. She’s my best friend. She’s the one who told me to come to you.” Rachel explained. I tried not to laugh. Lesbians? Really?

Rachel took a few tests and the two of us waited patiently in the room. My phone vibrated, and I saw that I had a text from Patrick.

PATRICK: What are u doing? Just finished press. Grabbing food w Jon then heading home. Come over.

I didn’t bother to reply. Patrick wasn’t my priority right now. Rachel was. I had to be there for her. I couldn’t bail just to go see my boyfriend.

The doctor walked in and sat down next to Rachel. Rachel held my hand, squeezing it tighter and tighter as the moments passed.
“Congratulations, Ms. Bower, you’re pregnant.” The doctor smiled.
__________________________________________

“I can’t believe this.” Rachel told me. We were sitting in her car and tears welled up in her eyes. “It’s hockey season. There’s still a few months left and the playoffs. Jon can’t be distracted by me. He’s going to flip. He won’t be able to focus on hockey and his game will be messed up.”

“Rachel, who fucking cares!?” I said, probably too loud and harsh. “This is your fucking baby. This is Jon’s fucking baby. Hockey doesn’t come first for him anymore. Sorry Jon, but you’re going to have a fucking family now. He better damn well be there for you, or else that’s pathetic. I understand he’s the captain, and he needs to focus, but maybe he shouldn’t have sex during season then! If he can go ahead and not wrap his dick, then this is what he gets. You’re pregnant and there’s nothing you can do. Jon better fucking man up. Hockey isn’t everything anymore.” I vented. Rachel stared at me in awe, then nodded.

I drove back to her place since she was too much of a wreck to sit behind the wheel. It was pretty quiet after I went off. I knew Rachel agreed with me, but she loved Jonathan too much to say those things out loud. I felt for her, I really did. Jonathan’s entire world is hockey. I was nervous about how he’d act when he found out.

Rachel knew she had me, in case anything were to happen. I had faith in Jonathan, but at the same time, I had this vision of him packing up and running like a little bitch. A young, hot, superstar having a baby at 24? The thought scared me. I just hoped Jonathan would do the opposite of what I imagined.

“Are you going to go see Pat?” Rachel asked, breaking the silence. “You can if you want. I’ll be okay. Jon should be home soon. I think I’m going to tell him.”

“If you need anything, call me. I swear, Rach. Call me.” I told her. I wanted to be there for her, so I had to make sure she knew that.

“Don’t tell Patrick yet, please.” She muttered. I shook my head. I knew better than to do that. I wouldn’t tell him without her permission. “I just, I just want you and Jon to know first.”

“I won’t tell him. Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” I assured.

We got to Rachel’s condo and parted ways. I felt bad leaving, but she insisted that I went. She was nervous about telling Jonathan the news, so I think she wanted some alone time. Throughout the car ride back to her place, she kept feeling and staring at her stomach. I couldn’t stop thinking about her the whole ride to Patrick’s complex. I was scared for her, but I knew she’d pull through.

I was completely oblivious to the fact that the taxi was stopped until the driver cleared his throat, giving me the sign to pay him and get out. I came back to reality, grabbed my bags, and headed to Patrick’s.

“Hey babe.” He greeted, hugging me and kissing my forehead. “Hi.” I sighed. I didn’t want to make it obvious that the Rachel situation was bothering me, so I knew I had to put on an act.

“Everything alright?” He asked, grabbing a beer and sitting on the sofa. Crap, there goes my cover.

“I’m fine. Just tired. I haven’t been home since I landed. I visited Rachel and now I’m here.” I semi-lied. I wasn’t really tired. I slept on the plane so I was fine. I was just stressed. “Go take a nap.” He encouraged. “I’m gonna make some dinner and watch the Bulls game. Go sleep in my bed.”

I thought about staying up and watching basketball with him, but I went into his room instead. I laid there staring at my phone, waiting for a call from Rachel.
________________________________________________

Rachel's POV

I felt nauseous. Nauseous because I’m pregnant, and nauseous because I was about to tell Jon I was. I sat alone on the couch when I heard the door open. “Rach, you home?” Jon called out. I took a deep breath, and stood. “Yeah, I’m here.” I smiled. Fake it, Rachel. Act like nothing is wrong.

“How was your day, babe?” He asked me, setting down his duffle bag and kissing me.

Oh, the usual. Just found out I'm pregnant. “It was good.”

Jon walked to the bedroom and took off his clothes. I knew his routine. Come home, shower, eat, a little bit of TV, sex, sleep. I let him shower without saying a word to him. I acted like I was in the kitchen preparing dinner when he came out. “What’re we eating?” He asked, propping open the fridge and grabbing a water.

“I made fish, green beans, mashed potatoes, and I have rolls.” I told him, preparing his plate. He smiled, sitting down at the table. My heart was pounding and I thought it would burst out of my chest. Stay calm, Rachel. Everything will be okay. Do it for the baby.

“Here you go.” I told Jon, handing him his plate. I grabbed mine and sat across from him. “Ducks game is on. I need to watch it. I’m curious to see how Getzlaf is doing.” He told me, taking a bite of green beans. Hockey, hockey, hockey. That’s all it ever is. “We play them soon so I need to check out how they’re doing. You know Crosby is hurt?” He asked me.

I barely heard him. I was too busy staring blankly at my plate. I felt like I was going to be sick. Without saying a word, I ran to the bathroom and puked. Why is this happening?

I washed my mouth with mouthwash, and went back to try and eat.

“Are you alri- OH, WHERE WAS THE WHISTLE FOR THAT! Come on!” He screamed. He didn’t even finish his question. All he cared about was the game.

“I can’t believe its tied 3-3. Lumbus is really workin’ Anaheim. 3rd period should be exciting.” He chuckled, eating his food. “Do you have plans for tomorrow?” Oh, would you look at that. He knows I exist. Awesome.

“Nope.” I said, popping the P. “Do you?”

“Open practice at Johnny’s. Sharpie’s back so we gotta work with him. Saad’s back on my line with Hoss, so we’ll be working with that.” He told me. I nodded, acting like I cared. I loved hockey and I loved the team, but I didn’t give a shit about it right now. The only thing on my mind was the baby. The two of us finished dinner, and Jon went to go watch the game while I cleaned the kitchen.

“What’s the score now?” I asked, wiping my hands and walking toward the couch. “4-3 Lumbus.” He told me, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Nice save by Ryan. Kicked the puck outta the way.” Jon told himself, chuckling.

“Jon.” I said. He held up a finger, telling me to hold on. He wanted to see what Anaheim would do with their Power Play. “I’m pregnant.” I said, without thinking. His head immediately turned in my direction and his jaw dropped. “What?”

“I’m pregnant.” I said louder. I tried to hold back my tears. Here we go. Here comes the ‘I can’t do this’.

“What? My god…how? When…when did you find out?” He asked in awe. I stared at the floor, “I found out today.”

“The tests are wrong. I used a condom.” He argued. I rolled my eyes, “No, Jon. The tests aren't wrong. I went to the damn doctor. And no, you didn’t use a condom. You rarely use them.”

“Oh my god…wow. You’re…you’re pregnant. I’m going to be a father.” He whispered to himself in disbelief. He took a deep breath and planted his face is his hands. “Wow.”

A tear rolled down my face and I quickly wiped it away. I didn’t want to be emotional in front of Jonathan. He looked up at me and I saw tears in his eyes. I guess I’m not the only emotional one.

“Are you okay? How are you feeling?” He asked me. I shrugged, unsure of how I should answer. I feel like shit. I’m happy I have the gift of life inside of me but I’m fucking scared. “I’m okay.”

“Okay….wow. Wow. This is pretty shocking.” He said, standing up. I looked up at him and his face was red like a tomato. He left for a moment, then came back fully clothed. “Where are you going?” I asked. I tried not to sound worried, but I was beyond that. Here it is, I told myself. He’s going to leave you.

“I just need some fresh air, okay? Can I go get a fucking breath of fresh air?!” He shrieked.

I was taken aback by his anger, but I let him walk out.