Letters for Muscles
March 13
My Dearest Muscles,
We would have been married for a month today. Sometimes, I think the world is pushing my buttons to see how much it takes before I crack completely. You know, the straw that breaks the camel’s back…
Today’s been horrible, Muscles. It’s been such a mess. I tried to make breakfast today. I salvaged an almost burnt pancake, but I knocked a whole bottle of maple syrup on the floor I’d obsessively cleaned the night before.
Then, I took Winston for a walk (I’ve been trying to walk him a lot… it’s something to do). I passed a woman who swore like a sailor at her own children, and I could’ve slapped her.
After that, I came back to the Hangar, and everyone was buzzing about one of the lights that just refused to go on. I was the only one who could fix it, so I did. It’s alright, though. I worked out that the bulb was a dud, so I just had to replace it.
But I kept coming back to that woman on the street. The way she spoke to her children. I just kept thinking, how dare she. At least she has children. I’ll never get to have children… I just can’t imagine wanting to have to kids with anybody else. It’s funny how I’m only think about it now. Having a family wasn’t a concern, not ever. Never even thought I’d get to have one. Then, I had you, and you were enough. Now that you’re gone, all I want is a little boy that has your honey blonde hair and those gorgeous blue eyes of yours. I’ll never have that.
I think about that imaginary little boy sometimes, and he’s gorgeous. He’s just beautiful, and when I picture him in my head, everything seems lovely. We’re just a picture perfect little family, and we’re so happy, and most importantly, we’re together. When I have dreams like that, my anger dulls, and everything is complete joy. I think about the future we could have had very deeply. It brings me to tears how much I miss you.
Even then, sometimes I imagine that we have a whole family. Us, and the kids, and Winston with a big house and a beautiful yard. I’m thinking about it right now, and I’m tearing up.
Gosh, our kids are gorgeous, Muscles. You would be so proud.
You’d be such a beautiful father. I love you so much.
Love,
Blondie
We would have been married for a month today. Sometimes, I think the world is pushing my buttons to see how much it takes before I crack completely. You know, the straw that breaks the camel’s back…
Today’s been horrible, Muscles. It’s been such a mess. I tried to make breakfast today. I salvaged an almost burnt pancake, but I knocked a whole bottle of maple syrup on the floor I’d obsessively cleaned the night before.
Then, I took Winston for a walk (I’ve been trying to walk him a lot… it’s something to do). I passed a woman who swore like a sailor at her own children, and I could’ve slapped her.
After that, I came back to the Hangar, and everyone was buzzing about one of the lights that just refused to go on. I was the only one who could fix it, so I did. It’s alright, though. I worked out that the bulb was a dud, so I just had to replace it.
But I kept coming back to that woman on the street. The way she spoke to her children. I just kept thinking, how dare she. At least she has children. I’ll never get to have children… I just can’t imagine wanting to have to kids with anybody else. It’s funny how I’m only think about it now. Having a family wasn’t a concern, not ever. Never even thought I’d get to have one. Then, I had you, and you were enough. Now that you’re gone, all I want is a little boy that has your honey blonde hair and those gorgeous blue eyes of yours. I’ll never have that.
I think about that imaginary little boy sometimes, and he’s gorgeous. He’s just beautiful, and when I picture him in my head, everything seems lovely. We’re just a picture perfect little family, and we’re so happy, and most importantly, we’re together. When I have dreams like that, my anger dulls, and everything is complete joy. I think about the future we could have had very deeply. It brings me to tears how much I miss you.
Even then, sometimes I imagine that we have a whole family. Us, and the kids, and Winston with a big house and a beautiful yard. I’m thinking about it right now, and I’m tearing up.
Gosh, our kids are gorgeous, Muscles. You would be so proud.
You’d be such a beautiful father. I love you so much.
Love,
Blondie