It's Not All What It Seems...

I woke up to the sound of ringing. What could be ringing? Maybe the phone? I rub my eyes and reach over to my cellphone. I squint at the bright caller ID; it's an unknown number. I shrug it off, put my phone back and close my eyes. The second I get back into my thoughts, my phone rings again. I grunt and reach over for my phone. I squint at the yet brighter caller ID; it's the same unknown number. I slide the lock screen and put my phone to my ear.

"...Hello?"
"Lindsey."
"Who is this?"
"It's Gerard."
"OH! Gerard.. I'm sorry I didn't answer. Hi Gerard. What's up?" I asked as I got up and started to get dressed. I'm a perfected multi-tasker.
"I need you here. Now."
"What's up?" I asked as I sat down on my bed.
"I need you. Now."
"Why?"
"Please!" Gerard cried
"Okay..I'm on my way. But, tell me if someone's hurting you."
"It's... I need to talk."
"I'll be there in 5 minutes, Gee."
"Okay.. Hurry." Gerard said before he hung up.

I wonder why he wanted to talk. I was off today. Well.. I was going to go in and help Bert out later on but... Gerard seemed so upset. I went into the bathroom and quickly did what I had to do. You know, girly things. Brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, makeup... I had to look good. I ran to my car and got in as quickly as I could. I was anxious for two reasons. 1. Hearing what Gerard has to tell me. 2. Seeing Bert.

I walked into Greystone and went down the dim-lit basement.
"Hey, Lindsey! I got the ultrasound of our baby" Quinn said as he smiled.
"Oh you did?" I asked as I caught my breath. "Can I see?"
"Why did you run here?" Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you off?"
"Gerard called."
"Oh.. You were his call?"
"Yes." I nodded as I took the ultrasound from his hand. "Boy or girl?"
"Boy." Quinn said with pride and one of his famous grins.
"Congratulations." I said as I smiled. Just seeing that picture made me miss Astrid more.. and being a mom. I loved it. I would love to settle down soon and have a family.
"Thank you, Lindsey." Quinn said as he smiled. He ran his key card through the reader until it beeped. "Go on."
"Thank you." I said as I smiled and walked in.

I walked in to see Gerard sitting on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest.
"Lindsey... I hurt you?"
"You didn't hurt me.."
"Quinn said I tried to have sex with you."
"You weren't yourself." I said as I shut the door behind me, pulled the chair closer to his bed and sat down.
"...You want to be close to me?" Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes... Of course I do, Gerard"
"Lindsey... I don't remember. I'm sorry."
"Gerard, I know your condition. I know." I said as I put my hand over his lightly. I looked at him and he smiled at my gesture. "I accept your apology. I think you're a very sweet, kind man."
"...I think you're a very kind, beautiful....honest...." Gerard said as he held my hand.
I blushed. I couldn't help it. "Thank you, Gerard. Now... What did you want to talk about?"
"Lindsey.. You read my file?"
"I know it like the back of my hand."
"...It says I murdered someone..."
"I know..."
"I didn't do it."
I looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.
"Lindsey, I might not have the best memory.. But the cops wouldn't let me talk."
"Talk to me." I said as I sat on his bed and held his hands.
He smiled and faced me.

"The night my father died... My brother and I were home. Mikey. My dad was an abusive fuck. He would always come after me. Beating me if he didn't do good at work or when mom found out he was cheating... He was especially mean to my mom. I love my mom but now she thinks I'm a murderer." Gerard said at the verge of tears. "That night... I did plan to kill him. But, I didn't go through with it. I went to a party instead and did some coke. Mikey... followed through. I came home, coked out of my mind, and... was left with the blame because of my mental disease."
"....Is he in jail? Was he questioned?"
"No one was questioned. I was held in jail until court... Then I took the plea... Then I got put in these fuckin' hospitals." Gerard said as he wiped his eyes. "But it's too late! I'm here! He's fuckin' married with kids! Living my lifestyle! Where am I?! I'm here! I haven't had a girlfriend in years! I wanted kids... Who the fuck wants kids with me?!"
"Gerard.. You're a beautiful person" I said as I moved his hair. "Shhhhh."
He looked at me. "Beautiful?"
"Beautiful."
"Would you marry and have kids with someone like me?"
"...Yes."
"The accused murderer part or the mental disease part."
"Gerard, you know I don't judge. I never have."

Gerard sighed then looked at me. He sat up then put his hand on my cheek.
"I could kill you at any second and you... would be with someone like me?"
"Yes because I love someone like you."
"Someone like me... Needs someone like you." he said softly as he looked in my eyes. "Whoever snatches you up... is a lucky fella."
"I doubt that... I'm married to the job."
"I'm kinda your job..." Gerard whispered as he got closer.
"My job as of right now.." I said as I smiled.
"I apologize if I'm.. being a little too...outgoing. I haven't been with this pretty of a woman in a while." He said as he ran his hand up my thigh.
I took a deep breath, trying to contain myself which made him run his hand up further to my panties.
"Gerard.."
"Yes?" he said in the middle of kissing my neck. He ran his fingers past my panties to finger me. I couldn't help but to moan. "Ugh, yes baby."
"Gerard!"
"Yes?"
"No!" I said as I stood up. "We can't do this. I'm sorry I fed you into this... We can't... No. Sorry." I said as I picked up my stuff.
"Lindsey... Don't deny what we have." Gerard said as he stood.
"Gerard. You're my patient."
"Lindsey.. No one loves me. No one has showed me this much emotion! I know its been a day or two but.. Ugh Lindsey, I love you!"
"Gerard... I..." I couldn't come up with a coherent sentence. I grabbed my purse and went for the door to avoid conversation.
"Lindsey.." Gerard said as he grabbed me. "Don't leave.."
"Gerard. Let go of me."
"Lindsey. I need your love."
"I don't feel the same.. I'm sorry."
Gerard let me go and he went back to his bed. He was muttering to himself. I just wanted to leave.

I walked out and went back to the elevator. Every experience I have with Gerard takes away a piece from this puzzle I have of him. I just don't understand. If I can't fix this puzzle... I'll have to find someone who can.