The Saints Can't Help Me Now

At the end of the meeting, I go back to my cubicle, still not knowing if Bam remembers me until I hear a voice beside me. “You know, I caught word of everyone talking about their hot new production assistant named Milly and didn’t think anything of it. I Just thought ‘hey, a new piece of ass in the office, sweet’. And then today I come in, sit down at the table, and see her. And then I’m thinking ‘wow they were right, she is hot’. AND then, as you were walking to your seat, I naturally had to check out your ass and I’d remember that ass from anywhere, even with clothes on.” Bam sits down in the chair Steve-O left and I turn to face him, not sure what kind of reaction to give so I just smile. He grabs my hand and kisses it. “How the fuck have you been, Mini?”

I laugh. “You know, I’ve been picturing how this was going to go in my head for the past month, and I think this exceeded all my expectations. I pictured you getting pissed off and not talking to me, I pictured you not remembering me, I pictured you just completely hiding from me. And you really remembered my ass, and not my face?”

He leans back in the chair. “I have a bad memory Min, but it’s not that bad. I think I’d have to remember the girl I boned for 3 years. And in my defense, I didn’t look at your face. I was looking at your boobies.” He pokes my boob and I swat him away.

“Those aren’t yours. Oh, and I LOVE how you don’t say date.”

“Because we only dated for a little more than a year.”

I smirk. “You were always mine, though.”

“Even when you weren’t mine, I was yours.”

I grin. “Whipped by a 14 year old, nice!”

“That sounds real creepy.”

“That’s because it was.”

He laughs. “Hey, let’s go out tonight. We can catch up and see who’s fucked more people in 4 years.”

“Well, I already know you win that.”

“Don’t spoil it! I’ll pick you up. I brought the Lambo with me.” He gives me that big shit eating grin that I’ve always loved so much.

I knew he wasn’t going to give it up if I said no, so I immediately gave in. “Fine.” I give him my address and phone number, and he skips away like a happy little schoolgirl.

And then we cue in Johnny, almost like clockwork. He sits down in the same spot. Apparently I just need to keep an extra chair in here. “What was that all about? Did it go okay?” By the sound of his voice, he sounds hopeful, but probably not for the best.

“It went good. He definitely remembers me, but by my ass.” I laugh.

“In his defense, it’s a nice ass. I wouldn’t forget it either. What was with the happy schoolgirl routine?”

“I think he was just being.. himself. I did agree to go out with him tonight though.”

“Oh!” Johnny says, almost surprised. “Like a date?”

“No, no. Just to catch up I think.”

“Oh, okay.” He looks away. “Well, I got shit to do. Catch you later Milly.” He gets up and walks away.

I lay back in my chair and look up at the ceiling. How have I gone this long without boys falling all over me, and then right out of the fucking sky two show up? Bam probably just wants to have sex one last time, but I know Johnny wants me. I wish so much he would make a move already, but I know he’s afraid.

My thoughts are interrupted by a ball hitting me in the face. I don’t even move. I just sit there calmly with my eyes closed as my forehead begins to throb. “I am so annoyed.” I open my eyes and turn my head to see two very scared looking grown men. I get up, and instantly sit back down because of dizziness.

Ryan and Steve-O run over to me. “Shit, I haven’t seen this girl in 4 fucking years and I just killed her!”

“You did not kill me, Ryan. I am still breathing, and talking.”

“I am sooooooooooo sorry.”

I remove my head from my throbbing forehead and they both make noises. I narrow my eyes, and it hurts. “What?”

I spin around and look in the mirror to see a very large, very purple bump on my forehead. “You fuckers, I have a date tonight!”