The Saints Can't Help Me Now

After I finish puking, I take a deep breath and try to clean myself up, hoping no one will realize what I just did. Stress does crazy things to me, one of them being puking. I go back out to see Johnny sitting where I was sitting, grilling Frieda about her life.

“How long have you been in America?”

“I traveled to America when I became 18 years.” Her voice was soft, like she was being shy. I could only imagine what was going on inside her head. She loves these guys. I bet she was fangirling in German.

I sit down on the stool next to Johnny, since he had stolen mine. “You all good Mini?”

I feel nauseous again just hearing that name. “It’s Milly.”

He chuckles. “Aw, but you’ve always been Mini to me!”

“It’s not Mini anymore.”

His smile fades. “Well, okay Milly. I heard you got a new job today.”

“I haven’t agreed to anything yet, and I don’t know if I want to.”

Steve-o butts in. “Why not! It’s fuuuuun.” He pinches my cheeks.

I just stare at him while his hands are still on my cheeks. “For you. I don’t know if it’s the kind of environment I could get used to.”

“You don’t like fun, adventure, excitement?” Steve-o advertises.

“Along with booze, sex appeal, and drugs?” Pontius adds while grabbing his junk.

I scoff and grab Johnny’s drink, taking a very large sip. It burns my throat after what had just happened, but I manage to get it down. “You sound like your advertising a vacation.”

Johnny shrugs. “I mean, you would get to go to some sweet places.

I sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Johnny pats me on the shoulder. “Just come by tomorrow afternoon and see what you think, and then you can decide then, cool?”

I nod my head in agreement. “Yeah, cool.”

He squeezes my shoulder and grins. “Now let’s get to drinking, we have to celebrate!”

“What are we celebrating?” I ask in wonder.

“You returning, of course!”

__________________________________________________________________________________

My life has turned into late nights and hangovers, and I’ve only been reacquainted with the Jackass boys for a week. I went back to Dickhouse and accepted the offer the next morning after the bar after a few of the boys literally got on their knees and begged me. I feel like Johnny put them up to it. I don’t know why, but for some reason he seems to really want me to hang around. I only spent a few months with him before, but we connected quickly. Bam always hated it so I tried not to talk to him much. Bam was always so protective over me, sometimes treating me more like a sibling than a girlfriend.

Speaking of Bam, I hadn’t ran into him yet but I had a feeling it was coming. Jeff told him he had a new member of the team, but didn’t tell him it was me. For right now, he’s still in West Chester working on new episodes of his reality show with his own bits with his friend in Pennsylvania. I was nervous of when the time was going to come, and what would happen when it did. Will he be excited, or mad, or sad? Who knows with him. Or will he even remember me?

My first task was to help plan trips for the new Wildboyz season with Chris Pontius and Steve-o. I had to plan trips to India, Africa, and other random places in the United States. All I have to do is coordinate staying arrangements, plane tickets, and transportation. Everything else is planned by the stars themselves. They get to contact whoever the fuck they want and do whatever stunts they find would please the audience.

I sit at a desk in the main office area with cubicles, typing away on my new laptop Jeff gave me for work. I feel hands on my shoulders and I jump. I turn around to see a grinning Johnny.

“Hey Min-uhhh Milly.”

I smile. “Thanks for trying. What’re you up to?”

“I am trying to develop Jackass 2. Almost ready to bring the cast in. You, my dear?”

My dear? Is he serious? I must have started staring off into space, because before I answer he asks again.

“Milly? Did you hear me?” He chuckles.

I shake myself out and snap back into reality. “Oh, yeah, sorry. I am booking Wildboyz trips for the upcoming season. Almost have their schedule finished.”

“Sounds fun, but I have something to show you.”

I shrug, thinking nothing of it really. I get up and follow Johnny as he frolicks through the office like an abnormally tall leprechaun.

We enter a room with posters of movies and bands cluttering every inch of the walls. It must be his office. He tucks his hand inside a desk drawer and pulls out a picture. He wipes it off and then hands it to me. I look at the picture to see, at 18 years old along with Bam, Johnny, Jeff, Ryan, Raab, Novak, and Dico. They are holding me over their heads and I’m screaming. I smile for a minute studying the picture, and then frown.

Johnny looks at me and frowns as well. “I thought this would bring back good memories.”

“It does, don’t get me wrong, but this is also the day before everyone left, and the last day Bam and I were happy together.”

“I specifically remember walking in on you two-“

I stop him by covering his mouth and I laugh as my cheeks turn red. “Oh, we did. But after we got in a fight because you were coming to say goodbye to me. He always thought there was something going on between us. I don’t understand why, I was too young and I barely even saw you.”

“Bammy’s always been possessive.”

“Oh yeah, I know. Why do you have that picture, anyway?”

He looks embarrassed, like he doesn’t even know the answer himself. “Oh, uh I don’t know. I like keepsakes of fun times I guess.”

I smile and give the picture back. “I’m gonna get back to work.”

“Oh, oh me too.”

I walk out of the office and as I’m walking back to my cubicle I hear “Come back anytime!”

My dear, showing me his office, trying to bring up old memories, What the fuck are you up to, Knoxville?