Abused

I entwine our fingers gently and then squeeze his hand. He is here. Zak is here with me, at least for this short moment. He is not going to leave me, he is not going to let me fall in the awaiting darkness. I am not sure if it's even possible to need someone as much as I need him. Before I met him, I was so independent. No, more like alone. I was so alone. I had built a hard and thick shield around myself, around my own feelings. And just recently I've realised that I didn't allow myself to feel. And that is why it felt so amazing to.. To just feel. Zak made me feel something. He made me feel anger, fear, happiness, but most of all, he taught me how to love someone truly and deeply again. No, not again. This is the first time I have ever loved anyone this way. And he definitely taught me how to kiss passionately. I chuckle silently and turn to face him in the bed.

My bed is a bit too small for us both, but still there's somehow plenty of room. Maybe even too much, because I can't get enough of Zak. I can't be too close to him, I just always want to be closer. The room around us, the dim morning light makes the room feel more intimate. The atmosphere is not heavy any longer, it's not even the slightest bit awkward. It is just loving and caring. Even though just five minutes earlier everything felt unsure, one thing is and never changed. I love him. I NEED him. I want him. I couldn't live without him. I squeeze his hand tighter and hear him sigh sleepily. It sounds adorable. Cute. I smile.

I can't believe that someone can be as beautiful as he is. Outside he is gorgeous, but even more, he is beautiful in the inside. He is too good. Sometimes he makes me feel like a failure, because he is just perfect. Of course we all have our faults and flaws, but he hides his so well that they are hardly noticeable. I shut my eyes. He forgave me. He believed it wasn't me. And it makes me feel so guilty for some unknown reason. Somewhere deep inside, I blame my own self. I should have been home, I should have said no to Laura. I should have gone to bed early. But, how could I have known that there are crazy rapists behind every fucking corner?

Right now, we don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to talk about it, and neither does he. Maybe it bothers me a little bit, but after all, would remembering it make it any easier for anyone? No, I guess it wouldn't. Maybe it is just the best thing to forget and to forgive. And that's it. End of discussion. After all, it caused us to laugh. Yeah. We understood that the wall, separating us, didn't exist, but we both just kept seeing it. There was nothing.. No real problems. Just a visible lie. And I am so happy that Zak is not mad anymore. But he is worried, still. Maybe because I almost got killed, maybe because I almost got raped. It's also that we didn't see each other. Of course we don't see each other all the time during the week, but this time it was different. He was far away, in another city, in another state. It felt different. It was different.

I turn to face him and am soon greeted by two slightly sleepy, deep blue eyes. The black in his eyes is so deep, and the blue is so innocent but yet so.. There are no words to describe it. I crawl closer to him and he wraps his arm around me. I sigh loudly and crawl even closer. He is here now, he is not going to go away. He is not going to leave me. He is not going to tell me to fuck off because of something I did not do. I place my hand on his neck. We just stay there, so close to each other, resting forehead to forehead. The sound of his heart is almost audible, and I realise that I have missed every littlest detail in him.

I let go of his hand and he glares at me under his lashes. I just chuckle. God, how I missed him. "Zak..", I whisper. He tries to look for my hand in the bed, but I hide it. I can see him pout, and I smirk. Then I slide my hand down his neck and leave it on his shoulder. The shirt under my hand feels like him. It smells like him. I guess a small part of my mind still think this is a dream. That I will soon wake up alone, without him. But it can't be. He IS here. We are together. "Stay for the day and night?" I ask. For a moment I think he will say no. That he will leave me alone. My heart skips a beat. He again rests his forehead against mine and I can feel him nod. He then just smirks and kisses my lips gently. I run my hand trough his hair. This time I don't have to be afraid to do so, because he hasn't done his hair at all. His hair feels so natural under my fingers. He smiles and kisses the corner of my mouth. I let my fingers explore down his strong neck. My fingertips gently touch the soft skin. He shivers gently. "I.." I start, but then decide that I would sound like a cliche. Those words just never left my lips. They always got stuck. And I just now realise that it was because I couldn't love. "Zak.. I love you.." I manage to whisper.

"Love you too..", he returns the whisper. Three strong words. I smirk and pull him close for another kiss.

**
We went shopping. It's wonderful to be home again, because my legs are killing me. Zak wanted to visit every single store he could find, and he wanted to buy so much stuff he'll probably never even use. I roll my eyes. He bought more hair products than I've probably ever seen. I have to admit that he did buy many very nice clothes. But, I am certain that Zak looks good without clothes, too. I just smirk and close the fridge quickly. It's evening. It's soon 6 pm, already. We really slept a couple of hours earlier in the morning so it feels like midday right now. And the fact that I slept 28 hours in a row might affect, too.

We are supposed to make some food soon, and I expect Zak to help me. I grin at the idea of Zak in the kitchen, because he mainly just eats stuff like fast food or something he only needs to cook in the oven. But, I guess that's how most of the guys are. Besides, I think it's cute. I smile and lean on the table. I stare outside the window. It's beautiful. People are jogging and walking, enjoying the wonderful weather.

I don't hear Zak come in. He has very loud footsteps, so it must have been an effort not to make any sound at all. But what I do notice is the pair of strong hands on my waist. I chuckle and look over my shoulder. He just smirks innocently. "Zak..", I mumble, but he shushes me and presses his lips against mine. I kiss him gently. He tastes like mint. I grin. "Zak.. We need to make some food.." He cuts me off again with another kiss. "Fuck that", he mumbles against my lips. "You say that still when you're starving?" I ask. "I have another idea..", he whispers. His soft, hot lips gently brush my cheek and I shiver. "What do you mean?" I ask, and let his lips explore on my skin. He kisses right under my ear and chuckles. "Let's get some pizza."

"You're hopeless", I chuckle, but am soon distracted by the feel of his lips on my neck. I squeeze my eyes shut. His breathing feels warm, almost hot, against my skin. His strong body is not even centimetres away from me, and it feels just amazing to be so close to him. When I get used to this, being so close, I will get addicted. Damn, who wouldn't?

He finds a sensitive spot on my neck and I cruse silently. I gasp. "Pizza.. sounds great..", I mumble. He laughs against my skin and a small whine escapes my lips. He probably hears it, because he slides his hands down my arms and then just casually rests them on my hips. Zak is such a tease sometimes. And he's so fucking doing it on purpose.

I soon get impatient, like usually, and I turn to face him. It's not fair that he gets to touch me but I don't get to touch him. He wraps his hands back around my waist and pulls me close to himself. I place my hands on his strong neck and leave them there, when he leans closer to touch my lips with his. He doesn't kiss me, just gently brushes his lips against mine. It makes me even more impatient. I can feel his quickened breathing on my neck and I try to kiss him, but he slightly pulls back and just smirks. "Jerk..", I whisper and pout. He laughs silently. When he leans closer again, I expect him to allow me to kiss him. I really just want to kiss him until his lips are bruised, but he likes teasing. Fuck. When he tries to touch my lips with his, I just roll my eyes. "That's it", I mutter and shove him against the kitchen wall pretty roughly. But because Zak's so muscular, it really doesn't hurt him.

He leans his back on the wall and smirks. He stares at me under his lashes. I see something new in his eyes. It's not hate, it's not anger. It's not exactly love, either. It's something rougher. It's something very aggressive and very tempting. The black of his eyes seems so much darker, and the blue so much less innocent. I slowly walk to him and place my hands on either side of him. "Trapped?" I whisper. Of course I know that he could get out of my grip if he wanted to because he is so much stronger than me. He could do whatever he pleased. But he doesn't.

I run one of my hands on his neck and I feel his pulse under my fingertips. His skin feels hot, soft.. My thumb caresses over his perfect cheekbone, and he looks beautiful. He locks his eyes with mine, and something in this new, aggressive gaze makes me shiver. Maybe he even looks a slight bit frustrated and I feel pleased. That's how I feel every fucking time, Zak!

I run my fingertips over his mouth, his perfect round lips. He chuckles and smirks. He has such a perfect face and I can't get enough of touching him. I can't get enough of his skin under my fingertips. Or how this touch creates an electric feeling under my fingers, where my skin meets his. I run my free hand down his stomach and I can feel his abs trough his baggy shirt. He grins more as I look slightly amazed. I have seen him without a shirt but hell. It's a whole different thing to touch him! His eyes flicker slowly closed and he lets out a sigh. He opens his eyes and stares at me.

I place my hands on his hips and pull him close for a kiss. This kiss is different. It's not rough. It's aggressive. Passionate. Perfect. His lips move furiously against mine. My hands wander on his skin, and I just can't get enough. It's a new hunger I can't satisfy.

He kisses the corner of my mouth. I let my hands explore and my left hand finds his belt and rests on the metallic skull he has in it. He, again, smirks. And, before I even have enough time to notice it, he has already switched our spots and caged me between his strong body and the wall. I chuckle. Maybe it's better this way. It somehow felt unnatural to trap Zak like that.

I let my hand play with the hem of his grey T-shirt. The fabric feels so soft under my fingers, but it somehow burns. It sends electric shocks trough my hand. Should I? I grab the hem of his shirt and slip my hand against his skin. I caress it roughly against his stomach and he inhales sharply. I smirk and kiss his kiss-bruised lips roughly.

I rest my hand right above his belt, against his hot skin. Zak locks his eyes with me. He looks questioning, a slight bit frustrated, and, I can see the desire in his eyes. I place my hand on his belt again and break the kiss. "How about that pizza?" I ask and smirk at the pouting face Zak does before he nods.

But, I know that we still have the whole night.. And.. It's probably gonna be hard for us to keep our hands to ourselves when we share the bed. I just chuckle and walk to get the phone.