Abused

I stare at the floor. My mind has suddenly gone numb. It's some kind of defence mechanism of my body. It just happens when something unpleasant happens. When something bad happens and I'm not ready take all that shit. Just when I thought that everything's fine. But no. And even worse. If something actually happens to her, it's all my fault. I left her drunk, all alone in a bar. What kind of friend am I? No need to answer that question.. A small voice in my head tries to tell that I was chased by fucking psycho rapists and I also was drunk and hurt but I refuse to listen and that voice soon quiets down. There's only one thing I can do. I have to find Laura. And I have to do it now.

I pocket my phone and rush in the bedroom as silently as possible. I stop at the door and gaze at the bed. Zak is still asleep, hugging a pillow. He looks adorable. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to crawl back next to him and nuzzle my head against his neck. As much as I'd love to do that, I'll just need to find my best friend. I sneak to my closet and open it, eyeing Zak in silence. I don't want him to wake up. For two reasons. First, I just got him back. Okay, that now sounded like pretty selfish shit. But it's true. I don't want him to worry about me, I don't want him to think anything about this at all. I don't want to drag Zak with me into this shit. And, the second thing is that if he wakes up now, I'll need to explain him everything and it'll take quite a while. And I don't have the time right now. Laura might be in serious trouble and that's when every second counts. But I really hope that she just found a friend or something. I hope not a cute guy who took her home or anything.. I sigh. It's LAURA, not some insane idiot.

I take my sweatpants and a hoodie and dress up as quickly and quietly as I can. Zak suddenly yawns loudly and I freeze. My heart skips three beats in a row. Don't wake up, don't wake up.. I look over my shoulder but fortunately he has his eyes peacefully shut. I release a silent sigh and then I just sneak outside the bedroom. I turn to shut the door and then I almost run in the kitchen.

I open all the closets and desperately look for a pen and paper. Fuck this. Really. Life's so ironic. I mean, when you don't need paper or pens, they're everywhere around you, and when you desperately need them, there are none. After a minute I manage to find some paper and two pens. My hand is shaking when I start to write. I mean to write OUT, WILL CALL ASAP, but I only manage OU and a random letter that looks like í. I get annoyed and glare at the pen. Why in the fuck would you stop working right now. I throw the shitty pen on the floor and try again. This time I manage to finish the word "OUT", but that's it. Fuck. I leave the paper on the table and tell myself to call Zak when I get outside, because I don't have the time to look for more pens. And I can't even imagine what would happen if I found another shitty pen. I'd probably brake a window or something. I sigh. Nadine, you have to find a better way to control your rage than braking stuff. It's not only weird, but it's also expensive. Maybe I should start an aggressive hobby, like boxing or something. Fuck, my mind is doing this again.

I hurry my steps and try to find shoes, any shoes. When I find a pair of old Adidas sneakers, I put them on and unlock the door. When I shut it and hear it lock I remember that I don't have a jacket, and it seems to be raining. Great. I feel my pockets, wondering if I should actually unlock the door and get an umbrella or something when I realise that I don't have keys, either. Even better. FABULOUS. Just perfect, Nadine. Just perfect. I stop being sarcastic and try to focus on finding my best friend. Where would she go?

I run at a nearby bus stop. Right, the first stop is her friend who lives in the centre. Then I'll stop by at the club we were at on Monday and then.. I don't know. The bus arrives soon and I step inside. I manage to find an empty seat and I sit down and release a worried breath. Where are you Laura, where did you go on Monday? I stare outside the window and look at all the people who are going to work or school or breakfast. And everything just feels surreal. Surely this is a dream.

I jump on the concrete and run to an old, yellow building. It's Laura's friend's place. Yeah. I never liked this girl who lives here, or, I hope she still lives here. Me and Heather, we never got along well. Maybe because Heather's life was perfect. She had a nice, loving family, rich parents and a good home. And maybe I have to admit that I may have been a slight bit jealous. But was that a reason for her to be the way she was? Yeah, she did almost everything she could to make my life feel like hell. She always kept asking how my dad was even though she somewhat KNEW. She kept asking to meet him and she kept flirting to James.. That kind of shitty girls stuff. She calls it innocent conversation and flirting, I call it war. I shake my head. Right, I am here to find Laura.

I hesitate a bit before walking across the big yard. Everything still looks the same. I worry my lip between my teeth as I step in front of a thick, white door. I reach my hand to ring the doorbell, but my finger wants to hesitate. What if she is just like she was? But the voice of reason tells me that I'm not doing this for myself, I am doing this for a friend. And so I ring the doorbell and wait, my body shaking slightly because of the cold, the rain, the wind and maybe a bit of anger and worry-

Someone opens the door. And that someone looks familiar. A way too familiar. Ugh. I stare at my feet. "Good morning", he says with her annoying 'I am so fabulous'- tone and looks at me. "Hi.. Heather", I mumble and in the corner of my eyes see how the expressions change on her face. It's first this 'who the hell are you'- face, then 'should I know you?'- face, which looks a slight bit alike with the worried face she does. And then. The realisation hits her and she ends up taking her 'Get the fuck off now'- face. Nice. Perfect. "Nadine?" She asks in disbelief. Right. "Look.. I'm looking for Laura", I start and her eyes widen. "Laura's here?" She asks. And that's exactly how much I need to know. "I've got to go.. Thanks for your help", I mutter and turn my back at her. I would lie if I said that I didn't mean to be rude, because I enjoyed it. I hear the door shut with and annoyed huff and I start to run.

I jog all the way back to the club. The big dark building looks abandoned in the middle of the day. There are no cars anywhere, and lights are off. I can't hear any music. I rush at the door and grab the door handle. Then I open the door roughly and step inside. It's dark everywhere, chairs are on the tables, which means that someone's cleaning the place up for evening. Damn. This place looks unnatural without all the glowing lights, dancing and drunk people and too loud music. "Hello?" I ask and my voice echoes in the large room. "Anybody here?" How annoying it sounds to hear ANYBODY HERE... ANYBODY HRE.. ANOY HEE... ANYHE.. Fuck. Shut the fuck up.

Soon I hear footsteps and a young man shows up. I recognise him. He was the bartender who was (fortunately) working here on Monday. "Hey!" He greets and walks to me. He smiles. "How can I help you? You know we're closed, right?" It causes me to roll my eyes. No, I just felt like partying all alone in an empty club on Thursday at 11 am. "I'm looking for my friend.." I start. This guy, who obviously thinks he's somewhat funny, says: "This place is empty. Your friend isn't here unless she's invisible." Right. Nice. I look for my phone and take it out. Then I look for a picture of Laura. I find one and show it to him. "This girl.. We were here on Monday.." He furrows his brows. "Oh, yeah.. Yeah.. I do recognise her!" He says and rubs his cheek with his hand. "You do? Great!" I smile. "When was the last time you saw her?" I ask and look hopeful. "I don't remember.." I give him a questioning glare. You've gotta be kidding me! "You're sure? You don't remember anything? Like anything at all?" I ask and try to prevent the worry from entering my tone. He shakes his head a no. "I just remember she's pretty, that's all." And taken. And that didn't even sound cute. Okay, I am in a bad mood. "Well, I'd best be going now.." I mumble and meet his eyes. My breath hitches in my throat. Haven't I seen those eyes before somewhere? Those.. Strong and angry eyes? "What is it?" He asks. I just shake my head. "Oh, nothing.. Thanks for your help", I mumble and turn to leave. "Bye, and it was nothing, really." You are absolutely right, IT WAS NOTHING. I have a sarcastic mind. I sigh and rush outside.

I feel like running. My feet want to run. They want to find Laura. I have to find Laura. My mind wants to escape the situation. But, there's no way to escape this. I have to face it. I don't know where she'd go. Vegas is a huge place. And as much as I'd like to, I can't just knock on every door to see if she's there. That would take too long. My body shivers in the rain and I stare at the sky. I've gotta find her, but I have no clue. Where would she go? It's been two days, 48 hours.. I release a sobbing breath. The world feels hopeless. The guilt in my chest hurts. Why did I leave her like that?

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I grab it and press it against my ear. I don't bother to check the caller ID, because it has to be Zak who's worried. Shit. I forgot to call him. "Hey..", I start. Instead of a hey I hear something.. different. "Lost?" A familiar voice asks. I also hear an evil laughter. I just can't remember where I've heard it before. When realisation hits me, the phone hits the ground. NO. NOT NOW. My heart beats too fast and I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll just go insane.

I stare in confusion. The world has become a cold, cruel mess inside my head. It's confusing. Everything is confusing. How did this happen? Most of all, WHY did this happen? What is that bad thing I've done to deserve all this? I don't know. My body is frozen, until I pick up my phone from the wet concrete. It doesn't seem to be broken, actually it seems just fine, despite a few cracks on the screen. My body shakes as I press it against my ear again. Maybe he.. Did he hang up?

I can still hear breathing and it scares me. It sounds evil. Maybe I should hang up. Hell. It's creepy. "Don't hang up. I know you are there", says the voice. How? How is it possible that this person has MY number? "Look at the caller ID, will you?" He says and I can do nothing but obey. I am careful not to drop the phone again. I squeeze my eyes painfully shut. Please, Zak, please be alright. The ID on the screen.. says Laura. And that's when I almost drop the phone again.

"What the hell?" My voice sounds like a desperate, angry whisper. Nothing more. I feel drained. This just doesn't happen. This just is not true. They can't. They couldn't. I hear him laugh in the other end of the line. "We have your pretty little friend." My heart shutters into pieces. How did they get her? Has she.. Has she been there for the whole time? I have been such a bad friend. It's just not even possible. She needed me and I abandoned her. I had to save my own ass, though.

"What do you want?" I mumble and prevent a sob. Even though I know the answer. It's just.. Horrible. If there was word that meant awful, wrong, scary, painful, confusing, hateful, abusive and horrifying, I'd use it now. His breathing is audible. Disgusting. That's a good word. This is just disgusting. How can someone be sick enough to do this? "Listen carefully.. You may have thought that you were wise and escaped", he starts. I hear coughing. Sounds like he's smoking or something. "But for your information.. We let you go.." What? I furrow my brows. No. I escaped. I ESCAPED. "Because we were busy with your friend.." I would just like to kick him so hard right now. I would just like to KILL him right now. This is an uncontrollable rage.

"Is she.. Is she alive?" I manage to breathe out those words, but I am not sure if I want to hear the answer. "That depends on you." My vision gets blurry as I fight against the tears. I hear someone whisper 'God she's gorgeous' on the back round. "Let her go!" I shout and they just laugh. There's no way that's going to do any good.. Because they know what they want. But.. Why me? Was it all just a coincidence? Perhaps. Shit, world is such a weird place sometimes.

He shushes me and I curse inside my head. What should I do? I don't know.. I might still have time to figure out a good trap or something. Probably not. I try to think but he too soon brakes the silence. "Listen.. You have to do as we say if you want to see your friend alive.." He says and my heart brakes. It can't be this way. Can it? This has to be a pretty weird fucking dream. Nadine, you have a sick mind. Now wake up. I pinch myself in the arm but nothing happens. Shit. Am I really awake? Is this all really happening?

"And what if I don't?" Those words just slip from my mouth. I slap a hand over my mouth, but it's too late. "I guess you know." I know. I just hoped that I was wrong. But.. If I could hang up and call the cops, somehow.. Maybe they could track the phonecall or something. It's so weird. I have never thought about calling the cops in my whole life, but here I'm now. "You can't tell anyone. Is that a deal?" He says and I nod. He takes my silence as a yes. "So... We'll let her go if we get you in exchange". In exchange. Like an old piece of clothing. As if I wasn't even alive. Am I really doing this? "And don't hang up. I can see you all the time".

That's what I did NOT expect. Fuck, how is that possible? I test and bring my another hand to my phone and try to see them. "Didn't you hear what I said? Don't hang up." I sigh and give up. I guess this is it now. The fight is over.

"We're coming over", he finally says. 'she agreed?' says a voice on the back round. A familiar voice. Fuck. Shit. Shit. I then remember something. This is a new phone. It has to have.. Yes.. The same thing.. I gently tilt my head and try to look like I'm still listening. My hands are shaking madly as I try to open the phone camera. The glass is cracked and slippery, but I succeed. And that's when I hear footsteps right behind me.

I turn quickly around. My hand wants to beat the fuck out of him, but my mind tells me not to because that might cost Laura her life. There's no way I could be that selfish. I already saved my own ass once, leaving her in trouble. This time I owe her. I can't do it again. So I just stare at him. And then I recognise him. I recognise the voice. The bartender. THE BARTENDER.

"What the fuck?" I shout but he shushes me down. "Didn't recognise me earlier?" He asks and smirks. I am trapped, again. Deja vu. I shake my head a no, shame colouring my cheeks. I should have known. But.. "Where's Laura?" I ask firmly. He shakes his head and laughs. "What about her? Now we have you.."

"We had a deal." I try to sound as threatening as I can, but it's not working well at all. "And we broke the deal", he smirks. "I am disappointed in you, you know?" I furrow my brows. "Where's Laura?" I keep asking and fight against bitter, painful tears. I realised it too late. Is this how the story ends? Is this how I.. Is this how I die? I never thought that I would die so young.. I feel bad, because I.. I had a good life. Most of it was hell, but all that was forgotten when I met Zak.

"We don't have her." That's all it took to make me cry. I am hurt. I am full of hate. And aggression. I should have known. It was this bartender. He followed me somehow outside. He put up a nice little show. And he created a trap when he heard that Laura is missing. Impressive, impressive indeed. But now I know I am probably going to die. "How do you.. have her phone?" I whisper, trying to look for any signs that I did not do this for no reason. "It wasn't so hard to steal it from her.. She was drunk, obviously having a good time.. Without you.." He laughs and then takes out Laura's phone and tosses it on the ground. Then he steps on it with his fucking giant foot. "Oops", he says sarcastically. I hear the sound of glass shattering.

I squeeze my eyes shut. "Why me?" I can't help it. I just blurt it out. Just like that. He laughs. "You still don't know?" he says. I shake my head. "What do you have against me? Why do you hate me so much?" I stare at his eyes. They seem.. He seems to be a reasonable guy. But of course his actions have given me a bit different image. For a small moment, the confusion is written in his eyes. But then, everything quiets down. He looks angry, but still slightly hesitant.

I move my phone on my shoulder and secretly manage to snap a picture that shows clearly me, my captors and the place. I then pocket my phone silently and choose Zak's number. And send him that picture. And then I just pray that he wakes up. And notices that before I am dead.

My captor steps closer and cages me between his body and a wall. "I'm doing this for James. You asshole killed him. He depressed because of YOU." I furrow my eyes. "For James?" My breath hitches in my throat. "Have you ever heard.." He starts and huffs then amusedly. Tears burn my face. How did this all shit now happen? When finally something good happened, all shit from the past returned. "It was an equal decision!" I say but he shushes me. "You killed him." James is.. dead? "I didn't!" I scream in frustration, trying to win some extra time. Some extra minutes for Zak to wake up and get here.

My captor smiles devilishly and takes something from his pocket. My body responds with fear. A knife. "An eye for an eye.." He hums and brings it close to my left eye. I squeeze my eyes shut and release a whimper. I feel the sharp blade against the skin of my cheek. It moves down and stops on my stomach. "A life for a life."