The Shortest Story Cuts the Deepest

Everything seems pointless today. Like there is never going to be any happiness for me again. Like I'm never going to feel the way I did last summer. Happy, fulfilled and complete. Now I feel empty, pointless and worthless like I shouldn't even be living on this dull, depressing Earth. Might not seem like that to others around me but to me, every time I breathe I feel like I shouldn't. That I belong to this empty, worthless soul which is going to rip my past up right in front of my own eyes. Music, it used to be my savoir, my escape from this hell they call living but now I don't see the point in it. What used to be a beautiful chime has turned to dust in my ears. I hate this new person. The one who doesn't give a fuck about any thing or anyone because they feel so fucking shit inside and they have no fucking idea why. I've thought about killing myself if I'm honest but I tell myself no because there are people out there with real problems in life, not just feeling shit for no fucking reason. Everything in life just seems pointless and nothing seems worth doing any more. I have quit my music lesson as I cant be bothered with it any more. I just want to hide in my room and run away from how I'm feeling but it never goes. Maybe that's why I'd rather be dead. Maybe, not knowing why I feel so fucking useless is the reason I don't want to live because I feel like there is nothing good about staying alive but I cant actually do it as I care too much about my family and I know deep down I cant do it. I just cant...