What If We Don't See Each Other Again?

Two months left of the tour.

‘Sam, where the fuck is my jumper.’ I screamed. Sam walked into the bunk area, with my whit jumper on him. ‘This is the third time you taking my clothes.’ I sighed and rubbed my temple. Sam just smiled. ‘C’mon you know how hard it is for me to find clothes that fit my tiny body.’ He joked. ‘You are just jealous of my style.’ I winked. We both ended up laughing. We were in Toronto, and it was windy as hell.

I ended up stealing on of Cameron’s blue jumpers. Sam and James were playing some stupid war game in the back lounge, Ben was making food, Danny was on Skype with his girlfriend and Cameron was keeping company to Ben.

‘Hey John.’ I greeted the bus driver as he hopped into his bunk. He gave me a smile and disappeared behind the curtain. He needed his sleep, after driving many hours to this avenue. ‘Is that mine?’ Cameron scared me. I nodded and he smiled. ‘You look like a little girl in it.’ He said referring to the size of the jumper, which was probably three numbers bigger than I was. ‘Ben sent me to get you, dinner is ready.’ He took my hand, which was covered with the long sleeve.

‘I don’t need the antidepressants.’ I smiled at Ben. I didn’t mind Danny hearing about my medication, because I had told to the whole band about it few weeks back. ‘What do you mean you don’t need them?’ He raised his eyebrow in misbelieve. ‘Her little boyfriend is her antidepressant.’ Cameron laughed and pecked my cheek. ’Your new what?’ Ben asked, slightly angry. ‘Cameron.’ I punched his arm. ‘You weren’t supposed to tell him.’ I pouted. ‘But love, you two have been together for almost three months now. Ben has the right to know.’ Cameron said and looked at Ben, who for my surprise didn’t look angry, or as angry as I thought.

I sat down next to Danny and placed my hands on the table. ‘Look how happy she is.’ Danny said to the other person on the other end of the line. ‘How cute, Oliver is a lucky guy.’ Myca, Danny’s bird sang and waved at me. I joined Myca’s and Danny’s conversation for few minutes, before Ben brought me a plate full of spaghetti.

‘I don’t like the idea you dating Sykes.’ Ben sighed. ‘I mean before we left home, you had just been dumped and you fucking punched your mirror into hundreds of pieces.’ He chews his lip rings. ‘Please, don’t bring Mike into this Ben.’ I sadly whispered. ‘Mike?’ Danny turned his attention from his bird to me. ’Like that Fuentes brick?’ He asked. I nodded and Ben started to tell them the story how Mike cheated on me, fell in ’love’ with that whore and dumped me because of her.

After the story time, Oliver sent me a text saying he loves me, which made me suddenly the happiest girl in the world. Oliver had said the three magical words first time few weeks back. I quickly replied him that I loved him too.

Ben sat across from me, eating with me. I had taken my pills apart from the antidepressants before I started eating. ‘So, we are leaving to London tomorrow.’ Ben said and put a fork full of spaghetti into his mouth. I adjusted my septum and took a gulp of my vitamin juice. ‘You know I hate plane rides.’ I sighed and took a little amount of the spaghetti. ‘I know.’ Ben nodded.

‘James.’ I jumped on the drummer. ‘Dammit Bruce.’ He shoved me off. I ended up on the bus floor, on my ass. ‘Pastel pink or pastel lilac?’ I asked and got up from the floor, rubbing my now sore bottom. ‘On what?’ He asked, looking me weirdly. ‘Hair, you twat.’

‘Where are you two going?’’ Oliver asked, leaning on his bus. ‘Shopping.’ I sand and ran to give a quick kiss, before running back to James’s side. ‘Have fun.’ Oliver shouted after us. We took a taxi to a shopping center.

‘You and Oliver are really happy’ James said as we walked through the sliding doors to the shopping center. ‘I know.’ I giggled and took his hand. ‘Let the torture begin.’ I laughed and dragged James into forever 21. For my surprise James was into shopping as much as I was. We both entered a shop and exited it, carrying bags. Shop after shop I finally got everything I needed and lots of extra. We were on our way to the Starbucks when a panic attack hit me. I nervously looked around me and stopped walking. James noticed it. ‘Everything okay?’ He asked and offered me his hand. ‘No, everything is not fucking okay.’ I yelled from the top of my lungs and broke down in tears.

Almost everyone in the mall was now staring at me. Mothers were trying to cover their children’s ears as I kept hissing swore words. James took me into his arms, carrying me in bridal style with all of our bags. He carried me outside and grabbed my cigarettes from my purse, handing me one and taking one for himself. ‘Breathe.’ James kissed my temple and lights the cigarettes, putting the pack and the lighter back into my purse.

I took a long drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke out. I started to calm down, and when there was only the butt left of the cigarette, I was calm. James whipped the tears and mascara from my cheeks and smiled. ‘It’s okay.’ He took my hand.

James got a taxi for us. I swear the look on the taxi drives face was pure annoyance when he had to load our all shopping bags into the car.

James told me on the ride back to the avenue that all three bands were going to go to a club, straight from the show. They would shower at the changing rooms and take a taxi to the club and from there taxi to the airport, few hours before the flight leaves. They had already packed and the bus drivers would bring their suitcases and band stuff to the airport. Because the flight took off three in the morning everyone had decided to not bother to sleep before they got to the plane. I took that as a perfect opportunity to do the ‘surprise’ to the guys. James promised not to tell anyone what I was up to.

'Are you sure you don’t want to see our set.’ Oliver asked, kissing me between every word he said. I giggled and nodded. ‘I need my beauty sleep. Do you think this-I giggled and pointed to my face-is easy to keep up?’ Oliver laughed and kissed me one more time. ‘Sometimes you are just like your brother.’ He smiled and waved me goodbye.

I ran back to our bus. ‘Is everyone gone?’ I asked John, who was gathering all the suitcases to the front lounge. ‘They left just five minutes ago. Oh and James asked me to help you with your surprise.’ Of course I had to tell to John about this. I wouldn’t be able to see him for the next forty-six days, because he needed to stay in states like the other two drivers, and get our busses into California, cleaned and fixed, before we came back from the Europe-Asia-Australia part of the world tour.

‘Did you mix it well?’ John asked and I handed him the color removal. ‘Yup, let’s just hope this works.’
We covered my whole head with the stuff. ‘Thirty minutes and you need to wash it off.’ John said, checking his clock. ‘It burns.’ I whined. My scalp was on fire. John laughed ‘it’s working then.’ I walked out of the bus, John right behind me. Cold breeze hit my skin. It was July and fucking cold.

I light a cigarette, watching from lighting my hair in fire. John light one too. ‘You know, I didn’t start smoking till I became their bus driver.’ He laughed pointing at the bus with Asking Alexandria painted on the side. ‘One time, I was just driving as the boys were partying and Danny had this great idea to get naked and come to show his dick to me. So he stood there, next to me shaking his ass and dick into my face, while I was driving.’ He laughed for the memory. ‘Of course Ben did the same and if I remember right, so did James.’ I started to laugh with him.

We finished out cigarettes and returned back inside.

‘I remember when Ben was little; he used to sneak into my room while I was sleeping. And when I woke up in the morning he was sleeping next to me his arms around me, like he was protecting me from something.’ I smiled. ‘He once said he was protecting me from the monsters from his nightmares.’ I looked at John who was smiling too. ‘I miss that. He still protects me but it’s not the same.’ I sighed. ‘He has changed so much from that.’ John laughed and I nodded as an agreement.

I kept pushing my fingers through my newly blonde hair. I had washed it with silver shampoo few times straight after the color removal so it was pretty much white now. John said that I would destroy my hair but I didn’t see nor feel any changes on it. ‘Bruce genetics.’ I answered when John asked how my hair would still be alive.

I was mixing bright pink color into large amount of conditioner, when I heard a knock on the bus door. Panic hit me like a shovel in to face. ‘It’s James.’ He yelled from the door and walked in.
Huge grin hit his face when he saw my white-blond curls. ‘Ben was coming to check on you, but I volunteered.’ He smiled. I kept mixing the color, till it was the tone I wanted it to be. James watched as I applied the color into my hair and he kept me company as I waited for twenty minutes, before I had to rinse it off.

‘I need to go, Bring just ended their show and the lads are starting to leave.’ He knocked on the bathroom door. ‘Okay, tell everyone to have fun, and keep those sluts off of my boyfriend, and if you won’t mind also from Ben.’ I yelled, still washing the color off. ‘Sure thing cupcake.’ James said, laughing and left.

Airport. 1.00 In the morning

I was nervous. The crew, John, Bring’s driver Roy and Mice’s driver Jack all tried to assure me that the guys would love the new look and that I looked beautiful. But I was afraid that they were wrong. I was standing in front of a full body mirror in the ladies room, staring at myself. Floral three inch heels, black pantyhose’s with black high waist shorts, gray t-shirt tucked into them and a dark gray, long cardigan over the shirt. Cross necklace, floral plugs in ears, black septum ring. Simple makeup with winged eyes and mascara. I had straightened my hair and teased it a bit, letting it fall over my shoulders.

I almost had an heart attack when my phone went off, informing about new message from Oliver.

-Hey love, we just passed the security check and we are heading to the gate.

I walked out of the bathroom, sighing from relief that the security check was located on the other end of the airport, giving me few more minutes’ time to panic. I kept walking circles, until I saw pack of guys walking towards the gate. Pack of my guys.

‘Your hair.’ Oliver cried from the distance and ran to me. I blushed, making my cheeks match my hair. ‘I love it.’ He kissed me. I head gasping sounds behind us. ‘You are so beautiful.’ Most of them cried. Everyone looked happy, except Austin. Bloody hell, even Ben looked happy and his the one I was afraid the most.

‘Hey Austin.’ I greeted him. He gave me a smile. ‘You really are the most beautiful creature on this planet.’ He whispered, so only I was capable to hear what he said. I blushed. ‘Then why didn’t you smile when you saw me?’ I stared at my feet. ‘Because I don’t like to see you kissing him.’ Austin sighed. ‘He is going to hurt you.’ And then utter silence between us.

While most of the guys decided to spend the waiting time sleeping, I took off with Lee, Danny, Phil and Alan, to find a Starbucks. ‘Where the idea of your transformation?’ Phil asked as we waited to our names to be called. ‘I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to try something new.’ I smiled. ‘Or you just grow up.’ Alan laughed and I smacked his arm playfully. ‘Well I think you are pretty.’ Lee smiled and everyone nodded as an agreement. ‘I swear, if I hear the word pretty, one more time I’m going to rip my clothes off and ran through the airport naked.’ I rubbed my temple. ‘Pretty.’ Danny whispered, seductively into my ear. ‘You wish.’ I sighed.