Lost

The funeral ended just as the rain began to fall. I wiped the remainder of my tears away and began walking away. The crisp air smelled like rain, and the cool droplets fell against my skin. I breathed in slowly, trying to calm my nerves. I had always hated funerals.
I walked out of the cemetery and reached in my purse fishing for my cell phone. I sighed and began dialing the number to the cab service My hands were trembling, partially from the cold and partially from the fact that I just buried the man I love. I whipped around at the sound of my name being called. Liam, one of Zayn’s band mates came running over to me. I canceled the call and threw my phone back into my purse.
He embraced me in a warm comforting hug “I’m so sorry Lilly”
I sighed into him and felt more tears prick my eyes. Out of all of Zayn’s friends, I was closest to Liam. I had known him for quite some time. He’s the reason I met Zayn. I wiped away the tears threatening to spill and pulled away from Liam.
“Thank you.” I said, kissing his cheek quickly.
He smiled at me and looked back. The rest of Zayn’s band mates were making their way over to me.
“Do you need a ride home? Plus the guys and I were wondering if we could stop by. We don’t want you alone today” He said, smiling sweetly.
I sighed. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I just wanted to sit in our my flat, and cry by myself. Is that too much to ask.
I simply nodded “yeah sure”.
If I were to argue, Liam would bug me until I said yes. Persistent little bastard he was. He smiled right as the others approached us. Niall and Harry both hugged me and gave their apologies. Louis on the other hand stood with his arms crossed, glaring at me. His black suit clung to him. His tie was loosened and his hair was wet from the rain. Louis had always hated me. I was never sure why. Zayn always said it was just Louis being Louis. I felt it was something more, but I never pushed further.
“Hi Louis. Thanks for coming” I said, trying to be civil
He laughed bitterly “Of course I’d come to my best friends funeral, you slag”
I stared blankly at him. If it were a normal day I would have called him a twat, and been done with it. It wasn’t a normal day though. I just had to bury the love of my life, and now I had to put up with his asshole friend.
“Louis, stop being a cunt” Niall said
Louis rolled his eyes and began walking toward Liam’s car. I sighed and began walking with Liam, Niall, and Harry toward the car. Harry pulled me into a side hug and kissed my temple. Harry was the second person I was closest too. He was like a big brother to me.
“Don’t mind Lou. We’re all a bit off today” Harry said, trying to comfort me.
I just nodded and walked to the car. Just my luck, I was stuck sitting next to Louis. I stared out the window, memories of the accident flashing through my mind. The shattering glass, the crunching of metal, Zayn’s screams all echoed in my head. I squeezed my eye shut, trying to get the horrid sounds to stop. I could feel Louis’ eyes boring into my skull. I glanced over him, earning a scowl.
We reached my flat finally, and everyone piled out of Liam’s death trap of a car We walked up the stairs and reached my flat. I fished for my keys and unlocked the door and everyone followed me in.
I threw my purse down. “Can I offer anyone something to drink”
“No thanks. It’s probably poisoned.” Louis said, smirking.
I rolled my eyes and sat next to Liam on the sofa. Liam reached for the photo album of Zayn and I on the table. He began looking through it.
“Wow. You guys looked great” He said pointing to the picture of Zayn and I last Christmas.
I smiled and looked through the pictures with him. After a while we began telling stories about him.
“Remember the time Zayn told Harry he was leaving the band on the 30th of February” Niall stated, laughing.
“Yeah, Harry cried for hours before he realized there was no 30th in February” Liam added.
We all laughed at Harry’s expense. Harry just frowned and looked away. Things quieted down into an awkward silence.
Harry broke the silence after a while and whispered “I really miss him.”
I noticed a tear slide down his cheek, his emerald eyes shining as tears brimmed the edges. I sighed a fought back my own tears that were threatening to spill.
Niall side hugged me. “He really loved you”
I smiled at Niall “And I loved him”
“Yeah, That’s why you got him killed” Louis stated bitterly.
It seemed as if all movement stopped when he said that. I turned my head slowly to face him. My eyes wide with sadness, confusion, and overall pure anger.
“Louis William Tomlinson, that was uncalled for and completely false” Harry stated, anger crossing his face
Louis scoffed “Why are we denying this?. It’s obvious that Zayn would still be alive if it wasn’t for her.”
I looked in complete shock. I walked over to him and slapped him as hard as I could.
“You fucking prick. It’s enough I blame myself for this, I don’t need to hear it from you of all people. I know it’s my fault, you don’t have to keep reminding me!” I shouted in anger, and pure heart ache.
The tears flowed rapidly as Louis stood up and glared at me “It should be you in that coffin in the ground, not Zayn. I wish it were you”
Louis stormed out of the flat slamming the door. The rest of the guys looked at me sympathetically and left. I sank to the floor and cried harder. He was right. That should be me. I should be dead.