Lost

I awoke to the beams of sunlight shining through the blinds. I rubbed my eyes, feeling how swollen they were from yet another night of crying. I lifted myself from the couch. I wondered how I ended up here, since I fell asleep on the floor. I shrugged it off, thinking maybe I had woken up in the middle of the night. I had found it difficult to sleep in my bed since the accident.
I stood up and stretched, feeling my stiff muscles loosen and my bones creek. I felt like I had aged 20 years. A cool breeze rolled in and I shivered. I walked over to the window to close it. To my surprise it was locked already. I raised an eyebrow and shrugged. Probably the air conditioner. I adjusted the settings on the ac and walked in the kitchen to make a cup of tea. I poured water into the tea pot and set it on the stove, waiting for the water to boil.
The events of yesterday replayed in my head. The funeral, the look on his mothers face as the casket lowered into the ground, sealing her son into his final resting place. Louis remarks played in my head as well. That man infuriated me. How dare he? I blamed myself enough. I rolled my eyes at the though of him. His blue eyes glaring at me with cold hatred. I sighed and looked down.
I suddenly got a whiff of Zayn’s cologne. My eyes shot up, scanning the room. I shook my head. My mind was playing tricks on me. The tea pot sounded and I took it off the burner. Just then there was a light tapping on my door. I walked over to it and opened it revealing Liam.
He smiled up at me and walked in. “I came over to check on you.”
I smiled and hugged him. “Thank you, but I’m fine. Would you like some tea?”
He nodded and smiled. I made us two cups and set them on the coffee table. I took a seat on the couch and he joined me, grabbing his mug and taking a sip of the hot liquid. I sat drifting of into space. Louis’ face flashed in my mind. Arrogant son of a bitch
“I’m sorry about Louis yesterday” Liam stated, bringing me out of my trance
I shrugged “It’s no big deal. He was right anyway”
Liam looked at me, his face turning hard. He looked angry “That is not true, and you know it. You had nothing to do with this. You weren’t the one who was drunk behind the wheel.”
“But I did miss the stop sign” I added looking at my hands.
I felt the breeze on my neck again and shuddered. I looked around. It couldn’t be the ac because I had turned the heat on. I shrugged it off and returned my gaze to Liam. He had sadness written across his face.
“Lillian, please don’t think like that. You didn’t kill Zayn. That asshole who got behind the wheel drunk did. Just because you missed a stop sign doesn’t mean this is your fault” He said taking my hand.
I looked away from him “Liam… you just don’t understand”
A tear slid down my cheek. Oh great, it’s barely 9:30 and I’m already crying. I sighed and looked down, letting more tears fall. Liam lifted my chin and cupped my cheek
“Help me understand” He whispered, his brown eyes boring into mine.
I looked at him confused. He began to lean in. I began to panic and backed up. He dropped his hand and his eyes widened. He shook his head and stood up quickly
“I’m so so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. Oh my god” He began panicking.
“Liam calm down. It’s okay. I just- You understand with Zayn… Plus I only see you as brother” I stated.
He looked down, slightly hurt but he nodded. He looked at me and hugged me.
“I’m here if you ever need me. Okay?”
I nodded and hugged him back. He quickly gathered his things, hugging me one last time and left. I sighed and took his mug putting it in the sink. I had this strange feeling , as if someone had wrapped their arms around me. It was almost comforting in a way, like if Zayn were doing it. I sighed and wiped the remainder of my tears away. I heard another knock on the door, this time louder. I walked over and answered it, expecting Liam, telling me he forgot something. I gasped at who I saw instead.
Louis’ Pov
I groaned as I reached Lillian’s flat. Why did I have to apologize for expressing my feelings. Why did I even agree to apologize? I groaned again as I stepped out my car and walked into the building. I reached her door and pounded on it, wanting to get this over as quickly as possible. She opened the door and gasped, surprise crossing her eyes.
I pushed passed her, walking in to her flat. She walked over to and stood in front of me. Her eyes were puffy and red, probably from crying. Her hair looked like she had just rolled out of bed and she had large bags under her eyes, as if she hadn’t slept in weeks. She still looked gorgeous.
“Um hi Louis. Would you like some tea” She offered, smiling a sweet smile.
I scoffed at her “No thanks, I don’t want any witch’s brew. Turns out I’m allergic to eye of newt.”
She rolled her eyes at my comment “Then what the hell do you want? I’ve got things to do.”
I laughed bitterly “Like what, kill more of my best friends.? Who’s next on your list. Harry? Liam? Niall? Hell you can use my car I’ve been looking to buy a new one”
“Louis if all you’re here for is to insult me, you can just go” She said.
I could see the tears welling up in here eyes, and for a split second I felt kind of bad.
I sighed “Look, the guys wanted me to apologize to you for yesterday, so here I am.”
She looked at me with a raised eyebrow “Ok…”
“So I’m sorry I guess” I said, rolling my eyes
“You guess? That’s the most bullshit apology ever. Come back when you mean it” She stated, peering over at me.
I glared at her. She was such a bitch. What the hell did Zayn ever see in her? She was probably a good fuck is all. I ran my hands through my hair. I turned to leave but then turned back
“I don’t know what Zayn ever saw in you. And you might want to fix yourself up. You look awful” I said bitterly before slamming the door. I walked out to my car and sat in it for a little while. Her sad eyes kept flashing through my mind. What was happening to me. I hate her, so why was I constantly thinking about her smile. I haven’t seen that since before…
I sighed to myself and started the car. I drove off, hoping that the images of her would fade away with the scenery.