I'll Be Your Safety

I bounced my leg up and down impatiently as the taxi swerved through traffic. I was finally coming home from New York, where I had spent the last two months promoting the boys’ band. It had worked out well; they have an international tour planned, and a huge fan base behind them. In a nutshell, it had been a good trip. But I found myself longing to be home during the trip’s last leg. The day we planned to fly back to London couldn’t have come any sooner.

After I paid the driver and hauled my suitcase out of the trunk, I slowly walked into the elevator, and pressed level five. I was so excited to see Ethan and Olivia I found myself silently wishing the elevator would move faster. When the doors opened, I patted my back pocket to check the keys were in there. I pulled them out of my pocket, and began fumbling with the keys, trying to find which one was the right one. I turned the key in the lock, and swung open the door to find Louis sitting in the middle of the apartment, making faces at a laughing Ethan.

“Louis?” I smiled, slightly confused.

“Niall!” He jumped up and ran towards me, “I’m so glad to see you! Oh, guess what? I’m going to tell you before Liam tells you because I just can’t keep a secret in.” He bounced up and down.

“Sure, what is it?” I laughed, placing my bag down beside me.

“He’s getting married!”

“No way.” I grinned.

“He asked me you tell you when I told him I would be babysitting for you.”

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy he and Molly are tying the knot.”

“I know mate, It’s gonna be amazing. Liam said uncle Si is coming down for it.” He said as I slipped past him, and picked Ethan up.

“I missed you so much, bud.” I hugged him tight. “Where’s Liv? She’s not working today, is she?” I asked, looking around the apartment.

“Oh, she said she had to pop off to the pharmacy to pick up a few things. She should be back any moment now, she left about a half hour ago.”

“Wow, so Liam’s gonna be the first one. That’s- that’s amazing.” I smiled happily.

“I know! The wedding’s going to be out in Wolver Hampton.”

“What wedding’s going to be out in Wolver Hampton?” Liv asked as she walked in the door. She looked gorgeous. She was bundled up from head to toe in leggings, boots, a sweater, scarf and jacket. Her hair looked soft, and was slightly mussed from the blowing wind outside. She stuffed a pair of mittens into her purse, and placed it down on the counter.
“Niall.” She smiled, she walked over and wrapped her arms around my neck, inhaling deeply. “We missed you ‘round here.”

“I missed you guys.” I replied.

She stepped out of my embrace “Thanks for watching Ethan for me, Lou. Do you wanna stay for some dinner?”

“Sure, if that’s fine with you, Nialler.”

“Of course.”

“Great. We can just order something in. Your choice.” Liv said as she started cleaning up the kitchen. She had yet to take off all her layers; it was something she always did absentmindedly. She claimed that once she was all bundled up and warm, she never wanted to take them off.

“You going to take the jacket off and stay a while?” Louis teased.

“Oh, crap. I forgot I even had them on.” She smiled weakly. Slowly she unwound the scarf from around her neck, and hung her jacket up on the coat hook. By now I was seated on the couch beside Louis, watching television with Ethan in my lap. I heard Olivia bustling around the house, picking up loose toys and putting them back on the toy box.

“It’s been quite dull without you ‘round, Niall. Not very many people running in and out of this house.”

“Other than the babysitters, of course.” She added.

“Oh boy, it was the complete opposite for me. There were people in and out of that apartment like there was no tomorrow.” I groaned “Lou I don’t know how uncle Si ever put up with us.”

“We weren’t that bad.” Louis paused “Alright, maybe we were. But that was only when we started getting the tattoos.”

“When you started getting the tattoos. I’ve managed to stay tattoo free; those punk edits were never appealing to me.” I shook my head, thinking back to the plethora of pictures of me etched in tattoos, multiple metal contraptions pierced into my body.

“Damn, I looked so good in some of those.” He shook his head and stared out into the distance dramatically. I punched him in the arm, obtaining a sharp ‘ouch’ from Louis and a small laugh from Olivia, who was stationed behind me.

“I’m going to order the food. You boys want pizza?” She walked up to the windowsill beside the television where the phone cradle sat.

“Yes!” Louis and I replied in unison. We burst out into a fit of laughter, and then Louis pulled a face, causing Ethan to start giggling.

Louis left after dinner, claiming he had to meet up with a friend for drinks. Soon after Niall put Ethan to bed, while I cleaned up the kitchen, loading the dishwasher and putting the leftovers in the fridge. He trudged back over to the sofa, collapsing beside me and propping his feet up on the coffee table. I nervously inhaled a breath, trying to get myself to cough up the words “we need to talk” but chickening out every time I opened my mouth.

“So, anything exciting happen ‘round here when I was gone?” He asked, averting his eyes from the television and over to me.

“I- uh. Nope. Nothing much.” Great Olivia, it was the perfect Segway and you fucked it up.

“Ethan was all good?”

“Yeah, he was having play dates with a few friends he met in the park. The parents are really nice, and their daughter gets well with him.”

“What’s her name? Do they live ‘round here?”

“I believe the little girl’s name is Maisie. They live on the opposite side of the park.”

“Well that’s nice. I’m glad he’s got a bunch of little friends to romp about with.”

“Niall-“ I said suddenly, my gut twisting in anticipation. Or maybe that was the baby, I couldn’t tell.

“Yeah?” He smiled. His blue eyes twinkled happily, giving me even more dread.

“I need to tell you something. It’s not great news, but then again; I don’t know how you’ll take it, so I just wanna spit it out and get over all the bullshit working up to it.”

There. No turning back now.

His brow furrowed with concern, and worry was imminent in his face.

“Uh- nevermind.” I squeaked, snapping my head forward to divert his gaze.

“What’s wrong?” His genuinely worried tone caused me to break down and slip it out.

“I’m pregnant.”

“Pardon?” He leaned forward ever so slightly, probably thinking he misheard my statement.

“I’m pregnant.” I stayed staring straight ahead, trying not to look at his expression. After a few seconds I broke down and glanced to my left, where Niall wore an unreadable expression, his mouth hanging open slightly. While his mouth was still ajar, he turned the other way and ran a hand through his messy brown hair.

“I don’t know whether to say I’m excited or scared.”

“Me neither.”

There was a very pregnant pause until I spoke up again. “Ni- I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Don’t be sorry, Liv. This is alright, we can- we can work with this.”

“No, it’s not okay. Every single day since I found out I’ve been beating myself up about this. I mean, if only I had known earlier so I could have done something about it-” My voice progressively lowered in volume, so the last words came out as more of a whisper.

“Done something about it? What do you mean, get rid of her?”

“Well, yeah. Niall, be completely honest with me and tell me you want another baby. I know you couldn’t do it. It’s because we don’t. I don’t want another baby. Not right now.”

“Hold up hold up. You’re telling me that if you had known about her earlier you would have gotten an abortion.”

“Why are you calling it her anyways? You don’t even know it’s gender.” I sneered.

“Because it makes me feel a hell of a lot better that calling my child an ‘it’.” He was starting to get angry now.

“What does it matter to you, anyways? It’s too late now, were stuck with it.” I purposefully used the word it to push his buttons.

“What does it matter to me?” He laughed, clenching his jaw and looking around for a brief moment as to calm himself. “It’s my kid, too! I mean, I’m sorry if your not exactly thrilled were having another baby, but you can’t just make all the decisions for it.”

“Goddammit Niall, we’re having another baby. Can we just stop this fighting and deal with it?”

“Deal with it? How am I supposed to deal with it when I’m in constant worry the mother of my child just doesn’t care? What does that tell me? How am I supposed to fucking deal with it?”

“I don’t know; what else do you want me to do?” I was standing now, my arms crossed against my chest defensively.

“I don’t know, care a little? Give me some reassurance that you’ll care about her?”

“Again with the her! Just call the baby it. It. Is that so hard to say?”

“Calling her ‘it’ makes her more of an inanimate object that make you realize she’s actually a living human being, which you obviously haven’t done yet.”

“What are you saying?”

“That maybe just maybe you’re stuck wishing she never happened, when in reality you should just accept it and embrace it.” He shot back, copying my actions and crossing his arms. I scoffed and started out of the room. “Where are you going?”

“Out of here. I can’t talk about this anymore.” I reached my bedroom door and swung it open, slipping inside and collapsing down on my bed. Immediately I regretted all the things I said to Niall, but it was too late now. He already thought I was a big shitface.