Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine - Unknown

Chapter 5

The ride back to camp was silent. Daryl and Glenn both slept. It took just under four hours to get back to camp, by the time I pulled up I was beyond exhausted. Mentally and physically. I still couldn’t get over Micah, it just wasn’t right to me. After seeing him like that...that's something that would always stick with me. And as much as I wanted to deny it...every fiber of my being was telling me that Ryan was like that too. He was either totally one hundred percent dead, or a zombie or walker or whatever everyone was calling it. Lord knows I didn't want to believe it, but it was true. I knew it in my heart.

I sighed and turned the car off once I collected my thoughts. I turned to look at Glenn. He looked...I don't know, peaceful? If peaceful was something you could be in the zombie apocalypse, I guess. Then again, sleep was probably the only time any of us would ever feel any type of peace again.

"Glenn," I said quietly, shaking his shoulder.

He opened his eyes wide and grabbed his gun from beside him; he had it aimed before I could blink.

I flinched away from him, "Glenn! It's just me, we're at camp!" I said in a whisper-yell.

His eyes finally seemed to focus on me; he put the gun down quickly, "Holy hell, Emerson. I, literally, almost made your brain mush."

I let out a really uncomfortable laugh, "Well, I’m glad you didn't."

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked out the windshield, "Home again, home again," he muttered, "Open the trunk, I’ll start grabbing stuff. Wake up Daryl," he said looking over at me with tired eyes.

I nodded silently as Glenn got out of the car, closing the door gingerly behind him. I hit the button beside the driver’s seats to unlock the trunk for him.

I sighed and turned my head to look at Daryl, "Daryl," I called, not bothering to be quiet now that it was only him still sleeping.

Nothing didn't even move.

I adjusted myself so that I was fully facing the backseat; Daryl was sprawled out over the backseat. He had his boot covered feet up against the window; his head was on a duffle bag he was using as a pillow. He didn't look as peaceful as Glenn did. He had a slight grimace on his face, and I noticed, even in the little light in the car, that his eyes were darting back and forth quickly.

I cleared my throat, "Daryl," I called louder. Nothing.

I reached for his knee behind my seat, "Daryl," I called shaking his knee. He jumped awake.

"Wha?" he asked sitting up, I saw him reach for his crossbow.

"We're at camp," I said quickly.

He looked out the window and lowered his crossbow, "Christ, coulda shot ya through yer head. Don't wake me up like that again, sweetheart."

And obviously when he said 'sweetheart,' that wasn't an endearing term, he said it sarcastically with venom.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Don't worry, dick, I don't plan on waking you up again."

He chuckled to himself, "Well, got some fight in ya after all, don't ya? Couldn't use that to kill yer friend, huh?"

My eyes prickled, and my chest instantly felt heavy, I was going to start bawling my eyes out if I didn't get away from him, "Fuck off," I said quietly.

I left the car quickly so he wouldn’t have a chance to say anything back to me. I went around to the trunk to help Glenn; I grabbed a couple of duffle bags just as Daryl got out of the car. I walked away from both of them, back to the driver’s door, opened it up and grabbed my gun from the middle console; I stuck the gun and knife in my back pockets, closed the door behind me and started towards the fire pit where there were still burning embers.

Rick stood up when he saw me, "I’ll take those," he said walking quickly to me and taking the bags from me.

"Thank-you," I said with a small smile.

He nodded at me just as the other two came walking up with the rest of the stuff, "Daryl, looks like y'all made it back."

Daryl dropped the bags, "One of her friends was still there, 'cept he was a walker. Sweetheart over here couldn't take care of him."

I recoiled like he had hit me, and the tears started prickling my eyes again, "We're alive, aren’t we?" Glenn asked putting his bags with the rest.

Daryl shrugged, "Don't mean nothing. Jus' proved we're gonna havta look after this one too. Can't defend herself for shit," he spat.

Rick walked up to him, "Listen to me, Daryl. Get over whatever animosity you have right now. Ya hear me? Emerson is part of this group now, whether you like it or not. Get over it, understand?"

Daryl looked over to me then back to Rick, “Whatever, I’m jus' lettin' you know; somehow she’s gunna fuck this group up.”

I looked down at the ground and let the tears fall openly. What did I do? I hadn’t been officially part of their group for a full day, or even half a day! And Daryl hated me. For a few minutes when we were at the cabin, I thought he really was warming up to me, because I helped in some way. Obviously not.

“Not cool, man,” I heard Glenn say, most likely to Daryl.

“That’s enough. Alright? She doesn’t need that from you, of all people. Just relax, okay? You never know, Daryl, she might save your life or somethin’,” Rick said to him.

I couldn't help but smile, Glenn and Rick had my back, which I appreciated immensely.

“Whatever, I’m goin' to bed,” Daryl said, I heard him stomp away.

I looked back up at the others and wiped my face, “Don’t worry about it, no one else thinks that stuff, okay?” Glenn told me.

I nodded sadly, “I just don’t understand is all.”

Rick sighed, “I don’t think any of us really understand Daryl. Don’t worry about it, Emerson. Really. Come on, I’ll show you your tent, Glenn and I will put everythin’ away.”

I smiled sadly at him, “Thanks.”

He started walking, and I followed, “Night, Emerson,” Glenn said behind me.

I turned my head, “Night, Glenn,” I said back to him.

I kept up with Rick until he stopped in front of the tent, “This one is yours, Glenn’s is right here,” he said pointing to the one on the left side of mine, “And Andrea’s is here,” he said pointing to the one on the right.

I nodded, “Thank-you,” I said quietly.

“Hey,” Rick said putting a hand on my shoulder, “Don’t worry about him, you’re a part of this group, right here, okay? Don’t let him tell you any different, okay? Daryl...he’s a dick,” he said with a small laugh, “But he’s helpful around here, he doesn’t owe us nothing, but he’s chose to stay here for whatever reason. And I appreciate that he’s done that for us, he does help the group a lot. I’m not defendin' what he’s said to you,” he added to me, “He’s not the boss here, we want you here, and I’m not going to let Daryl make you feel uncomfortable being here with us.”

I smiled, an actual honest to God smile, “Thank-you, Rick. I really do appreciate it.”

He smiled, “Any time, Emerson. I’m just gonna need to take your gun, you know...since we’re on Hershel’s land and all.”

I nodded, remembering what he told me earlier about that, I grabbed my gun, extra clips and knife from my back pockets, “Here,” I said handing everything to him.

He took with a small nod, “Thanks. Get some rest. And thank-you for taking them to your old camp, I’m sure it must have been difficult.”

I looked at the ground, “Happy to help,” I said quietly.

“Night, Emerson,” he said before turning to walk away.

I sighed deeply looking up at my tent, I picked up my duffle bag and unzipped the door of the tent, I crawled in threw my bag to the right side, and zipped the door back up. I was too tired to even attempt to change into pyjamas; I kicked my shoes off and laid on my back on top of the sleeping bag that was in there.

It was the first night in almost a week that I didn’t have to look over my shoulder, or sleep in a tree or a cave or anything. I was going to be able to sleep longer than a few hours, and I was going to savour it.

I felt so empty, though. I wanted Ryan next to me; I would have done anything for him to be next to me. He was gone. Just...gone.