Between Love and Hate.

So I hadn’t bought the dress in vein. He had noticed, even if he wasn’t at the party. Even if he didn’t see me at my best, he was still treating me better. I didn’t know if I liked it thought. Somehow I craved for those crazy eyes and that mocking grin. I avoided the mirror, heading straight for the hot stream of water. It cascaded over my body and I welcomed every drop.

After I washed my feet and scrubbed my face, I stepped out. My hair had sprung into curls and hung, dripping half way down my torso. I routed through my bag and found my eyeliner. I smudged a little on to make myself look a bit more human and once I had dried enough I slipped myself back into my dress.

Felix’s room was now lit up and another band I hardly recognized seeped out of the speakers. He looked up from his own lap as I walked into the room.

“Better?” He asked and nodded to the drink on the side table. “Jack and coke” He confirmed.

I sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the drink. I felt on edge and hoped this would soften me.

“Why the sudden change of attitude?” I asked carefully as he thoughtfully sipped his own drink.

“What do you mean?” He asked and leaned backwards until he was slouched against the wall.

“You’re bing nice” I pointed out, staying where I was.

He smirked and swallowed another mouthful. “You want me to be mean?”

“I didn’t say that” I looked around at the posters and random scraps of artwork on his wall. “Just weird is all”

“What were you doing taking pills?” He spoke only after a few moments of silence.

I shrugged. “Why not?”

He laughed, seeming not believing my answer. “Why not? Because this happened” He waved me up and down. “You’re not doing that again”

I swallowed, finishing off my drink and stood up. “Another?”

“I mean it” He stood too, very close. He snatched the glass off of me and headed back downstairs.

I frowned and followed him down. “You cant tell me what to do”

“No?” He looked over his shoulder but carried on. “You wanna bet?”

“Felix I had a good time... I think”

“You think?” He poured another two drinks and handed me one, bringing the two ingredients with him as he shoved passed me and signaled for me to follow. We walked back up to his room in an uncomfortable silence.

“Lauren, you think he was just being nice to you?” He asked, taking a big gulp of his beverage. “You think he just wanted to make you smile?” His voice grew louder.

“He was a nice guy” I raised mine alongside his.

“Fuck off, he wanted to fuck you, he gave you pills to get you in bed” He spat, spilling what was left of his drink with his hasty movements.

“Not everyone wants to fuck everyone” I muttered and shuffled along the bed to the corner.

“Guys do, trust me”

“Not all guys are like you. Thank god”

That seemed to press a button. “Like me?” He leaned forward, knocking the drink out of my hand and sending it flying over the carpet. “Tell me what I’m like”

“Get away from me” I tried to push him away but his hands flew for mine, pinning them to the wall above my head.

“Tell me, you worthless little whore!” He screamed, sending a shockwave through my body.

“I’m not a whore” I spat.

“No? You let me do what ever the fuck I want to” He gripped both wrists with one hand and the other moved to my thigh. He pulled my legs this way and that until they were on either side of his.

“I don’t” I felt the confidence shrink back into its box and tried to kick him away but he was too close.

“You let me cum on you no more than a week ago” He laughed, his breath stank of whiskey. “You’re a dirty little bitch”

“I’m not” I shouted, trying to match his volume.

His hand moved up my dress and he hooked his fingers under the crotch of my panties. “Let’s see if you lost anything other than your shoes” He gritted his teeth and growled his words.

“Felix, stop!” I tried to close my legs but he was too strong. He pressed his finger into my folds and onto my opening.

“Oh Lauren” He laughed. “You’re still a little virgin” He took his finger away from my entrance but moved it onto my hard little nub of nerves. “Good girl”

“Felix, let me go home” I closed my eyes as he rested his forehead on mine, brushing his soft, perfect lips against mine.

“Why do you let me do this?!” He screamed, causing me to hold my breath in my throat until I finally let out an all mighty growl.

“You terrify me!”

I could hear his heart beating against his chest and felt his hands begin to shake as they loosened their grip on my wrists.

“No” He shook his head. “You’re not... you fucking liar” He started. His eyes were watering and his cheeks reddened. “You lying fuck!”

I covered my eyes and let the whole night pile into one sob as I let it go. He stood up and ran his hands through his hair. “You can’t” He picked up the empty glass, attempting to take a drink from it and after realizing it was never going to happen, smashed it against the wall. “Fuck!” he screamed, letting it ride out before he left the room and to my knowledge, left the house.

I didn’t know I had fallen asleep until I was been woken up with a strange, tingling tickle on my neck. “Felix?” I was half asleep but when I opened my eyes I recognized the mop of hair and the scent of him. I was laying on my front and he was laying the most delicate kisses on the sensitive skin on my neck.

“Morning” He croaked. The night had obviously gotten to him. He had dark circles around his eyes and looked exhausted.

“What?” I pushed myself up and looked at my surroundings. It all fell into place quite quickly. “Jesus” I sighed and brought my hands up to rub my sore eyes.

Without speaking, he put his hand on my shoulder and pushed be back down to the mattress. He leaned over again and kissed the bare skin on my chest. “Your turn” He mumbled against my skin and slowly climbed between my legs.

I didn’t freeze as I usually would, I let him move down my body, I let him kiss my stomach through the material of my dress. He ran his right hand all the way from my knee up to the top of my thigh and gently pulled my underwear down past my ankles. He threw them out of them bed and I watched as they balanced perfectly on the back of his desk chair.

“What are you doing?” I asked, feeling flushed.

“Shh” I felt his breath against my skin as he pushed my dress up past my hips. He kissed the skin there, then down to the most private area of my body. My breath caught in my throat as his lips kissed me again but this time on the spot that brought the most pleasure in my life.

“Felix” I gasped, sitting up and covering my face in embarrassment. “Stop, I...”

“Lauren” He hushed. “Relax” He pushed my chest until I was laying back again. I kept my hands over my face but could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke again. “You taste amazing”

His tongue moved over the little nub time and time again, circling it, flicking it and then he started sucking it lightly. My leg twitched instantly and I let out an involuntary moan.

“She likes it” His voice was muffled. His tongue moved again, this time running over my opening. I bit down on my lip, trying not to make any more sounds but as he began to get into it, so did I. His hands moved to my thighs and squeezed them, his short nails digging into my skin when my hips began to buck gently.

I closed my eyes and felt the first wave pass over me as I started to tighten inside. My toes curled and I sucked air into my lungs faster and faster, trails of moans came out on my breaths as he steadied my hips and my world slipped over the edge.

Wave after wave of the most intense orgasm I had ever had hit me and I cried out once more, whimpering his name over and over. I felt as if I was going to pass out, or die. But at least I would have died in the best. Possible. Way.