Colours

Red is a colour that is often misinterpreted. Some people say that red is the colour of anger and anguish. I think it's the colour of love, and the colour of passion. It's the colour of her nails and her lips, it's colour of the scratches over my back, it's the colour of the dress that dips low in the back. It's all I see when I look at her.

We are out of control and our judgement is clouded by passion, and I wouldn't have it any other way. When we love each other, you couldn't put a crowbar between us. When we're angry with each other, Hiroshima looks like fireworks on the fourth of July.

I have never known anything like what Adrienne and I have. I have had relationships before, but nothing to this magnitude. I see her and I am overcome with a feeling that if I don't kiss her, or touch her that my stomach will fly up and burst out of my chest. It's that moment when you're so overcome with love and joy when you see someone, and you know that nothing in this world could feel like that. You know you could never love anyone else the way you love her.

I watched her as she got ready for our two year anniversary date. Two years? It certainly felt longer. It felt like I had known this girl my entire life. It felt like if I were blindfolded I could pick her out of a crowd of one hundred women. She would be the person I looked for, I knew her that well.

I walked up behind her while she stood in front of the full length mirror in our bedroom. She was just putting the finishing touches of her make up on. I ran my hand down from the back of her neck, down to her backside. I smiled as she shivered a little beneath my hands. I don't know if it was the contrast of my rough fingertips over her silk dress, or if it was me, but I liked it.

Adrienne turned around and smiled, her body fitting perfectly against mine. She ran her fingertips over my face, her bottom lip jutting out softly when she felt the smoothness of my skin.

"You shaved," She stated softly, her fingertips pressing into my jawline.

"It'll be back in three hours," I replied with a small smile, fighting the urge to close my eyes. If I closed my eyes then it was all over, we would never make it to the restaurant in time.

"Not the same," She smirked, kissing the bottom of my chin before turning back to the mirror.

"What do you say we just stay here tonight?" I asked, grabbing her hips and pulling her back against me. Adrienne turned around and pressed her chest to mine.

Adrienne smiled up at me and I was winded. I could remember a time when that smile was broken and filled with sadness. Now when I looked at my beautiful girlfriend all I saw was passion, happiness and beauty.

Adrienne wrapped her arms around my neck and I smiled, looking at the pale skin of her forearms. I remembered when her arms were red and covered with self-inflicted wounds and scratches. I pressed my thumb to her wrist and exhaled the memory. She wasn't that person anymore. Depression wasn't who she was, it didn't control her anymore.

I remember her words to me on the worst night of our relationship. I had come home to her sitting in the bathtub and the water up to her chest, almost spilling out of the tub. She wasn't crying, but she was breathing like she would break down at any moment.

"I can't do this anymore, Jay."

I knew she was about to leave me. She had been pushing me away for months. She would shut me out and not speak. It was okay. I understood. I was doing everything I could to understand her. If I could stop loving Adrienne, I don't think I would. There are these moments between us when it all comes to me and everything makes sense.

"Jay?" She asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I shook my head and looked down at her. I pressed my forehead to hers and closed my eyes.

"I love you," I breathed out, barely above a whisper.

"I love you, too." She replied, her hands on my face. She pressed her fingertips to the skin of my face and brought me to open my eyes again.

"Thank you," Adrienne stated softly, her eyes speaking more sincerity than her words.

"For what?" I asked, adjusting my hands on her body. I was thankful for her healthy body now. I was petrified of hurting her before.

"For staying," Adrienne smiled, playing with the collar of my dress shirt. "For never leaving and never giving up on me. Thank you for not getting frustrated with me and my recovery. I'm so lucky to have you and I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have your support."

I shook my head as I smiled. I took her hands off my shoulders and held them both in one hand, kissing her fingertips.

"We should get going," I smiled, kissing her forehead. Adrienne grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to her.

"We just went out the other day," She smiled, turning around and moving her hair off her back showing me her zipper. "Let's just stay here tonight. Unzip me, love?"

I smirked and rolled my head back looking up at the ceiling. There's a reason we fight for the people we love, the people we truly love. It's for moments like this when your girlfriend who was looking forward to your anniversary dinner for weeks gives you what you want and lets you stay home. It's moments when you come home and your girlfriend is having a complete mental breakdown and you keep your ground.

Love is when your girlfriend doesn't back down when you challenge each other. When you're with someone it's not supposed to be easy, it's not supposed to be impossible either. You need that perfect balance, and somewhere along the way I found the strength to find that balance.

I unzipped Adrienne's dress and watched as it fell off of her body. If my eyes were suctioned into my head I'm almost certain they would have fallen out.

"You were going to go out in that dress with nothing on underneath?" I asked slowly, trying to remember how to speak. I reached for her warm body, pulling her naked body against my clothed on.

"Maybe," Adrienne smiled, pushing my jacket off of my shoulders then switched to unbuttoning my dress shirt. I bent down a little and pressed my forehead to hers as I grabbed her thighs and lifted her up.

I carried her to our bed and laid us down. I held my girlfriend close to me as we laid on our sides, facing one another. I grabbed her left leg and pulled it over my waist. We took a break from our heated kissing, both of us gasping for breath. Adrienne rubbed her nose against mine, telling me she wanted to kiss again. I felt her fingertips run over my abs and down to my belt.

Adrienne knelt on the bed and I followed, my hands grabbing at her body and my mouth desperate to be on hers. I knelt with her on the bed and pulled her as close as I could while she unbuckled my belt. I rang the tip of my index finger down her spine making her arch her back and shiver in my hands.

There are tiny things you will love about a person. Physical traits and not physical traits. I'm not sure if you'd call it a physical trait or not, but I love when Adrienne pushes her body against mine. It's like she's trying to make us one person, and I love it.

I held Adrienne's face in my hands and smiled at her. I moved my hands to her back and laid her down again. I kissed along her body, admiring it as always.

"You'll never hurt again," I mumbled against her skin.

"I'll never leave like that again," Adrienne replied, her hands in my hair and her eyes on me.

"You'll never be alone," I stated firmly, pulling my face to hers. "I'm always going to love you."

Red is a colour that is often misinterpreted. Some people see red and think of anger. I see the colour red and I think of her swollen, and well loved lips after we've made love until the early morning hours. Red is passion, and red is Adrienne.