I Don't Love You

Alliyson's POV;

When my eyes shot open I looked around, wondering why I woke up when it was still dark out.

Oh yeah, I had to go to the bathroom.

I felt my head rising and falling so I lifted it up slowly to find Frank asleep under me, head tilted back on the pillow and his mouth wide open. His tongue sat lazily next to his lip ring and he made sleep noises deep inside his throat and I almost laughed out loud.

You know in cartoons when the cats like snoring but not really? That's what Frank reminded me of.

I pulled myself off of him slowly, lifting his arm off of me and laying it on his stomach. He stirred slightly but only closed his mouth (not on his tongue) and kinda rolled over.

I walked into the bathroom and used it (duh) when I heard buzzing coming from my room. I quickly washed my hands and flushed the toilet and slowly crept into my room to find my jeans from the previous day lighting up.

Well duh, it was my Sidekick.

I stepped over the crap on my floor and stumbled over a couple shoes before landing on my bed and pulling the phone out of my back pocket, where I left it.

NY NJ FL TBP: Hey Alliyson, it's Gerard. Uh, yeah; gay screen name. Whatever. I know you're with Frank (it's so obvious) so it would be great if you could return him...next week? He'll be in for some severe punishment from Brian if he doesn't. Love you both, xo

I decided to IM him back, since I was already awake and I'd forget tomorrow.

final car wreck: Geeeeeeeeeee! <3
NY NJ FL TBP: Ah, the bitch speaks.
final car wreck: Listen bitch...
NY NJ FL TBP: How's it been sugar?
final car wreck: ...Interesting.
NY NJ FL TBP: Ooh, like how? Detaaaaaaaaaails.
final car wreck: ...What kind of details? =]
NY NJ FL TBP: Well whats been up, you're with Frankie right?
final car wreck: Of course, why else would Frank fly across the pond?
NY NJ FL TBP: For some other beautiful girl
final car wreck: Perhaps
NY NJ FL TBP: Hah so you are together.
final car wreck: Not 'together' in that sense.
NY NJ FL TBP: I never said that. You're with John and he's with Demesne ... Sorta.
final car wreck: Sort of.
NY NJ FL TBP: Right. So
final car wreck: That's it, I'm just gonna flat out say it ...
NY NJ FL TBP: You hooked up with him didn't you
final car wreck: ... Define 'hook up'?
NY NJ FL TBP: Anything involving tongue and touching 'like that'.
final car wreck: MOTHERFUCKER
NY NJ FL TBP: So you did.
final car wreck: Well yes Gerard, I guess I did
NY NJ FL TBP: How was it? xD
final car wreck: ...I swear to god you're Bi.
NY NJ FL TBP: Well what happened.
final car wreck: We kissed today .. like early today. He kinda pecked me. And then on our way home from the city he ... well okay maybe. Okay whatever, I grabbed his fucking nuts okay and then he started dry humping me and then we were making out or ... 'hooking up'.
NY NJ FL TBP: ... In a subway car Alliyson?!?
final car wreck: Suck my dick Gerard. Okay and well right before we went to bed, I was kinda teasing him by sucking on his finger and well we made out again but Frank stopped both of us before it got too far
NY NJ FL TBP: Uh-huh...
final car wreck: And well yeah
NY NJ FL TBP: Well you're obviously sexually attracted to him
final car wreck: I have been since the first time I was in the same room as him.
NY NJ FL TBP: And he's definitely sexually attracted to you
final car wreck: Obviously if he immediately gets hard from me grabbing his dick once.
NY NJ FL TBP: Well knowing you both, you're both just going to have it out one day. Like no joke, just get it on without any regrets. Just because thats the type of people you and Frank are
final car wreck: What types of people, horny fucks who love each other?
NY NJ FL TBP: HAH, so you guys love each other!
final car wreck: ... That's not what I meant.
NY NJ FL TBP: But that's what you saaaaaaaaaaaaaaid. Score!
final car wreck: I fucking hate you
NY NJ FL TBP: Let me know if he's a better fuck than me
final car wreck: I'm sure I will
NY NJ FL TBP: So you're going to return him next week?
final car wreck: Sure why not, hopefully we'll have figured everything out by then
NY NJ FL TBP: Sweet. Or you'll have fucked by then
final car wreck: I should jump his bones right now just to piss you the fuck off.
NY NJ FL TBP: And then I'd cut your boobs off!
final car wreck: And then I'd know who was a better fuck [:
NY NJ FL TBP: Serious time now. How do you feel about him Al?
final car wreck: Why is everyone asking me this question
NY NJ FL TBP: Inquiring minds would like to know.
final car wreck: He just .. ugh Gerard you have no idea how this kid makes me feel. And when he touches me I just want to melt and ugh as corny as this sounds ... Sometimes I just want to sit with this kid all day and just sit in those scrawny little tattooed arms and let him tell me how much he loves me just so I can hear his voice
NY NJ FL TBP: You never talked about John like that before.
final car wreck: Because John never made me feel like this
final car wreck: No ones ever made me feel so important with just looking at me before. And sometimes I just try to play it off but I can see it in his face, I can see it in his eyes Gerard
NY NJ FL TBP: Wow, thats powerful
final car wreck: Is it really?
NY NJ FL TBP: It really is and I'm happy you've found someone who's made you feel like this since I obviously never could ...
final car wreck: Gerard don't start, you know why we had to break up honey
NY NJ FL TBP: Yeah, yeah, yeah all that bull shit about how we weren't right for each other and would eventually destroy each other but .. sometimes it just makes you think 'what did I do wrong to loose such a great girl?'
final car wreck: Gerard don't think about it that way, you have someone so awesome, so perfect for you. You don't need me that way anymore, now I'm just good enough to be your friend and you mine, love
NY NJ FL TBP: Well when you put things that way it makes me love being best friends more. <3
final car wreck: See.
NY NJ FL TBP: I love you Alliyson Iero =]
final car wreck: Fuck you Gerard, you know how I am about marriage and I'm definitely not married to Frank
NY NJ FL TBP: But you will end up married to him, trust me. I can feel it already and I'm usually right about these things, right?
final car wreck: I suppose so
NY NJ FL TBP: Exactly. Look we've got a show in like ... soon and we've got to do sound check and all that good shit so I'll ttyl, Good luck with Frank
final car wreck: Thanks Gee-bear and it felt good to talk to you about this, I don't know why
NY NJ FL TBP: That's what I'm here for honey.
final car wreck: <3

After that...refreshing conversation with Gerard I set my phone down and wandered aimlessly back into the living room, now feeling more tired then when I slept before.

I crawled back on top of Frank (who was sleeping on his back again) and snuggled up into his arms, immediately having his warmth send shivers down my spine and I yawned.

"Where'd you go?" Frank mumbled from above my head and I turned to glance up at him, his eyes still closed but his mouth moved into a smirk.

"Bathroom but I'm here now," I replied and he nodded, pulling my body up so my head was directly under his and he planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Good, I had bad dreams when you were gone," He said and he wrapped his little tattooed arm around my body so I planted his hand under mine and kissed the 'w-e-e-n' part of Halloween on his knuckles.

"No more bad dreams for you, go back to sleep," I ordered and he fell back into sleep and I sat there in the dark, wondering about my situation.

I didn't agree with Gerard saying that Frank and I were just going to 'have it out' one day. What was that supposed to mean? And what the hell am I supposed to expect? I'm not the type of person where if I know somethings gonna happen to me, I wanna know what type of blow I am to expect.

Getting any closer with Frank didn't seem too...bad, in my eyes. But I was also kind of afraid, afraid of the future and what might necessarily happen between us. Was it gonna be good, or be bad?

Frank and I...we were pretty close. He almost seemed like my best friend, a best friend I was extremely attracted to and have hooked up with. And in my lifetime of best friends-that-I-like, they never really end up well.

Did I really know what I was even doing? Where I was going with any of this? No, not at all. I was just going with the flow, acting on impulse. And it felt pretty good, no schedule, no timed appearances and no setting up dates.

This was different than with John. I was barely ever with John and anytime I was, it was so short lived.

I hated living a 'short lived' life.