Cute Is What the Gods Aim For

I moved quietly from homeroom to my first class. It had newly been introduced to our school. It was called Health and Physical Education, since contraceptives and such things aren't very Christian, the class was eliminated from the original setup of the high school. However, since the increase of obesity in America and the popularity of sex among young people lets just say that our community was freaking out.
My first experience of this new class was PE. I straightened my shirt, fixed my tie and smoothed my hair down before entering the indoor basketball court. I was a few minutes late so I had to impress the new teacher. Boys and girls were idly running around in shorts and t-shirts. My brow furrowed. Why weren't they in uniform? I walked over to a large burly man who appeared to be in charge. He was barking out orders to the ones who weren't doing anything. As he saw me approaching he frowned.
"Why are you so late, kid?" His voice was gruff and deep.
I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. "I-I had to stay back in class."
Which was entirely true; a teacher had asked me to chat with her for a moment before proceeding to my next class. The mans mouth twisted into a sneer.
"Trouble maker eh?"
I shook my head and was about to explain to him, he however turned around abruptly and barked at Joshua who was tenderly holding his arm. "Move it, stop being a pussy and cradling your arm. You're pathetic."
Joshua narrowed his eyes and walked over to the man. "My hand is broken."
The man laughed. "So? You don't run on your hand do you? And where's your cast?"
My eyes widened. What were they thinking when they employed him? The man spun towards me. "What are you staring at puny little wimp?"
My eyes widened and I looked down at my shiny shoes. I hated being to submissive, so weak, but whenever some one called me names or made themselves intimidating I seemed to crawl into some place unknown and stay there. Joshua's eyes narrowed even further. "Kevin is no wimp."
I looked up. I was shocked. I thought Joshua was angry with me? Didn't he hate me? Joshua looked at my startled expression and a smile twitched on his lips. He, however, kept his composure and stared the PE teacher down. The PE teacher scoffed. "Double detention for both of you; cleaning the locker rooms."
I whimpered softly. I couldn't get detentions! I closed my eyes and nodded. Joshua was looking at me strangely. I turned my face away from Joshua and looked at the man who was surveying my body.
I shrunk away. He seemed to do calculations in his head. He looked me up and down once more before nodding. "You're medium height though very skinny. Um Joshua, since 'your hand is broken' go and help Kevin find sports clothes. Don't take too long faggots."
When he called us faggots I felt something twinge in my heart and a I felt a rush of nausea. Joshua seemed to take notice this and grabbed my arm and pulled me along into the locker rooms, wincing occasionally. The locker rooms seemed new. I wrinkled my brow and wrenched my arm out of Joshua's grasp; every time he touched me I felt electric currents shoot through out my body and my stomach did flip flops. I ran my hand along the cool metal. Joshua stood and stared at me.
I didn't want to face him. Now that I knew that it was all my fault that Joshua had a bloody and broken hand. I felt his hand on my wrist. He gently ran his thumb across my wrist. I shivered yet held my ground because it felt so good.
He moved so that he was standing directly behind me. I could feel his chest lightly against my back. He continued to hold my wrist as if he never wanted to let go. Without looking at me he spoke softly, "Don't believe anything Raven said."
I felt my heart drop. So he wasn't angry at me? I wasn't at fault? My gut seemed to drop further because; I didn't believe it. I knew I was at fault. How could any one else be? Raven made it perfectly clear that I was at fault. I shook my head. He stopped stroking my wrist. He moved away from behind me and tugged me to sit on a bench across from the one he was starting to sit on. I stared into his pretty green eyes. I quickly cast my eyes downward and tugged my shirt sleeves down over my wrists. He took his hand and lifted my chin up carefully. The motion was sweet; but for some reason it confused me.
He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry for whatever I've done to you. Don't tell me that I don't mean it because I do. I'm so fucking sorry Kevin. And then when I saw what my dad was doing-" I winced. He noticed this and bit his lip. "I know you don't want to talk about it Kevin; and I won't rush you. I know you're with Susan, I know you probably hate me; I know you don't want to talk to me or anything. I don't know why all of a sudden our relationship is reversed and I am trying to be your friend instead of the other way around." But He trailed off and seemed to loose his nerve. He anxiously fiddled with his belt loops. His tight jeans hugged his body perfectly and this wasn't the first time I felt myself loving him.
I mentally slapped myself. I couldn't let this happen, I was ruining myself. He seemed to take note of the expression of disgust on my face. He cocked his head to the side. "Are you either disgusted in yourself or in me?"
I looked down at my shoes. I wanted so badly to fall headfirst for him, but I was so scared of the fall. So scared of ruining my perfection. I was just so scared. Suddenly he jumped up on the bench and looked down at me. I looked up. He smiled widely and whined, "Can we stop being such girls?"
I felt a small giggle emit from my lips. When he heard the small noise he jumped to my bench and pulled me up beside him. He looked down and I followed his gaze. He grabbed onto my hand and that confused me even more. Wasn't Joshua supposed to be cold and hateful? "We're giants Kevin."
I suddenly understood that childlike behavior ran in Joshua's family. I realized suddenly that we were holding hands and that we were close and that I was enjoying it too. I pulled my hand from his and inched away from him. He sighed and slumped his shoulders. "Why do you do this?"
I felt guilt run throughout my body. "I'm sorry."
He suddenly screamed in frustration. I jumped and backed away from him. He looked at me with a pained expression. "What are we doing?!"
His body shook and he seemed to melt onto the bench. I watched with wide eyes as he dug his nails into the palm of his hand. I bit my lip. It was all my fault. His body continued to shake. I dropped down to my knees and crawled over to him. It was my fault. I didn't have to become involved but I could fix this. I could stay detached. I could fix this. Attachment and making Joshua happy didn't have to be involved. No matter how much I wanted to let myself love Joshua, no matter how much I loved Joshua; I couldn't let myself do that. I hadn't seen the reverend but I knew he was somewhere, I knew I still had to be perfect. I dreamt about it. I lived it. I lived perfection.
I sat back on my legs in front of his quaking body. He turned his face up to look at me. He was pale and his eyes were vibrantly green. He looked down at his lap. "I'm sorry."
I shook my head and gulped. "Don't be."
He looked at me for a moment. He leaned over to me. I felt my heart rate increase as his face neared mine. I felt my stomach tighten. I felt my head lighten. Suddenly I felt pressure on my lips. I felt his lips on mine. I scooted closer to him. It seemed like my first kiss. It was. It was my first real kiss. He pulled away with shinning eyes. I blushed and looked away. He smiled cupped the back of my neck. I turned my face towards him and smiled. He grinned and once again I felt his lips on mine. It was slightly rougher this time; yet still gentle. He moved his lips against mine. I responded almost immediately and shivered as it seemed my lips were on fire.
For the first time in a long time I felt a sense of complete happiness bubble over. I felt like laughing. I felt like crying. I felt like dancing. I was interrupted from my thoughts of happiness when I felt something flick against my lips. I gasped. And suddenly I felt Joshua's tongue flicker against my own. I felt myself run out of air and I pulled back. Reluctantly Joshua pulled back as well. His hand dropped to his side. He smiled at me. Suddenly realization hit me. Joshua liked me. Joshua liked me.
I felt light headed. I closed my eyes and then opened them once more. "You you like me?"
Joshua nodded. I felt my heart once again pick up speed. I pouted. I was ugly though. Joshua raised his eyebrow. "What's up?"
I shook my head. He frowned. "Nu uh, you're not getting off that easy."
I pouted even more. Joshua leaned over and captured my lips once more. He sucked gently on my bottom lip and I moaned. Joshua pulled back and grinned. "Now you have to tell me."
I shook my head and stared at him with big eyes. He brought his hand to my head and ran his hand through my hair. I watched him as he intently played with my hair. Suddenly I heard the chatter of boys coming to get changed and what not. I sprang away from Joshua and pretended to wash my hands at the sink. Joshua stood and glared at all the other boys looking at him with a disdainful look. I felt my heart sink as I realized that I was in the same trap.
Perfection hurt.
I walked silently out of the locker rooms and onto my next class.
I saw Miley and immediately latched onto her side. She saw my red lips and shinning eyes and grinned. "So who's the lucky man?"
I blushed a deep shade of red and looked down at my shoes. Not wanting to answer the question. She whined and hit my arm. "Come on Keviin. I'm your holy cousin."
I shook my head and grinned.
She pouted. "But I'm your cousiinnn."
I smiled and nodded. "So?"
She rolled her eyes and turned to Susan. She whispered something in Susan's ear and Susan's eyes widened slightly. She came over to me and latched onto my waist. Miley then latched onto my other side. They both knew that I hated walking in a line like this. I growled and tried shaking them off. It worked for Susan but not for Miley. Miley hung onto my waist and I whined. She smiled. "You should eat more."
I grew quiet and there was an awkward silence between the three of us. We got to the tree and saw that it was already occupied by Raven, Massie and Jason. I turned when I heard the soft crunch of grass behind me. Joshua had followed us, or, rather had walked behind us. Raven looked up and glared at me. Massie and Jason just looked up. An awkward silence rang throughout the courtyard. Miley glanced at Massie and Jason. She grinned and plopped down next to Massie. Massie looked at her with a blank expression. Miley smiled. "I'm Miley."
Massie grinned back. "I'm Massie."
Raven seemed to pause. As if waiting to see what Susan and I would do. Miley looked at Susan. Susan shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently she smiled and me gratefully. Miley rolled her eyes. "Stop being anti-social."
Susan smiled a bit and went to sit next to Miley.
Miley turned to Massie. "This here is the sexual Susan."
Massie giggled and said hello. Joshua still stood next to me. I saw Raven glaring at me. I turned to go but I felt Joshua grab my wrist. "Stay Kevin."
I shook my head after glancing at Raven who was glaring at me. Joshua sighed and narrowed his eyes slightly at Raven. He pulled me into his body and whispered in my ear. "You're too skinny Kevin."
I knew I was ugly. But that statement led me to think what Joshua had heard while I was walking with Susan and Miley. He let go of me and walked over next to Raven and began to have an intense whispering argument. I stared at Miley and Susan who were making quick friends with Jason and Massie.
I turned around and walked away. I had gotten four steps when I felt Miley's hand slip into mine. I glanced down at her. She looked at me. "Don't think I would let you go by yourself."
I smiled and hugged her. She pulled me along to another part of the school when I felt another hand slip into my own. I stared down at Susan whose cheeks were flushed. She grinned at Miley. "Don't think you could leave without me."
I turned my head to look at the tree. Joshua and Raven were standing and screaming at the top of their lungs at each other. The wind carried away their words, but you didn't need to hear the words to know that they were angry. I bit my lip and looked down at the ground. It was probably all my fault.