Cute Is What the Gods Aim For

Joshua looked at me and grinned. He had ice cream on his chin. My fingers itched to wipe it away. My thumb carefully made its way to Joshua's chin and wiped the ice cream quickly away. He grabbed my thumb and stuck it in his mouth. Gently, and with his eyes one mine the entire time, he sucked my thumb. This led to problems, and Joshua knew it. I pouted and whined but it didn't seem that Joshua was going to let go. A group of girls in small skirts walked by us and muttered 'fags.' I felt myself go limp and my face fell. Joshua's face turned stony and he let my thumb go. He turned as if to say something to the girls, but I reached out and pulled his arm back. "Please Joshua."
I looked at him with pleading eyes and he consented. He placed a smile on his face and grabbed my hand; leading me back to the cheap motel. We opened the door to our room and I sat on the bed and bit my lip. Joshua instantly came over to me and pulled my lip from out of my teeth. He stared at me with a mock angry face and peered into my eyes.
"No biting lips."
I felt a bubble of giggles emit from my mouth. Joshua smiled and kissed me quickly on the lips. That simple gesture was all it took to remind me of Joshua sucking my thumb. I felt butterflies rush to my stomach. My smile wavered. Joshua planted himself on my lap; with both legs on either side. More butterflies came as I realized just how close our bodies were.
"What's wrong babe?"
I felt confidence surge throughout me and I pressed me lips roughly to his. He moaned and I took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Our tongues melted together. Joshua scooted closer to me on my lap which created an even harder problem. Joshua felt this and pulled back. He grinned and I felt my face turn a dark shade of red. I tried pulling back but he grinned and wouldn't let me. I looked away from his lust filled eyes.
"Kevin."
I turned my face to his. "Yes?"
"Don't be ashamed. You've given me an even bigger erection, and I only thought of you." He smiled kindly.
My eyes grew even wider and although I grew harder I had to look away.
Joshua again felt this. He giggled and nuzzled his face into my neck. He kissed my neck gently for a few moments before he flicked out his tongue and gently nipped my neck. I moaned.
Joshua pulled back to stare at me. "That was unexpected."
I turned even redder and Joshua giggled. He kissed my cheek and climbed off my lap. My lap felt empty without Joshua and as if it was instinctive I immediately pulled him back. He turned to face me. "I have to go to the bathroom babe."
I blushed again and let him go. I curled up on the mattress and tucked my head in against my chest. My stomach still hurt from eating and I wanted to make it stop. The fact that I had eaten a full oily, greasy meal repulsed me.
Joshua returned into the room and saw my position on the bed. He crawled up next to me and lifted my chin up to see my face. "How are you feeling?"
I shifted my eyes from his. "I'm fine." I didn't want to worry him about me. I wasn't worth it. Joshua propped himself up on his elbow and stared down at me.
"No you're not. Don't lie to me."
I swallowed, but didn't contradict him. He gently placed a hand on my stomach and then pulled away quickly and gasped. Worry flooded my face. So he had felt my fat. I repulsed him. Unexpected tears rushed to my eyes and I pushed myself to get up. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I searched the room for some long thin object. I couldn't find one. I sighed and looked myself in the mirror.
It had to be my finger then.
I looked myself in the mirror once again. My ugly reflection stared back. How could anyone ever love this? Joshua must have been lying. I took my pointer finger and stared at it through the mirror. I had never done this before. I slowly placed my finger in my mouth. I gently pushed it back. Further and further. I heard the bathroom door creak open. And then suddenly my finger must of hit something because I had to pull it out and I immediately gagged. I gagged but nothing came out. Joshua was standing in the doorway of the bathroom. His mouth was wide open.
"Why Kevin?"
I looked back at him with a blank expression. "Because I'm fat."
He walked over to me and took my hands in his. He stared straight into me eyes. "No Kevin, no, you aren't."
I shook my head. "You're lying to me."
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled my body close into his. Our noses nearly touched and Joshua spoke with a soft voice. "You're not fat. The reason I reacted the way I did was because you're a living skeleton. You need to eat more babe, I'm serious."
I nodded solemnly. He kissed me gently on the lips. "Do you promise?"
I nodded again. He took my hand and led me out of the bathroom. He sat down and pulled me into his lap. I curled up in it and he kissed my nose lightly. "Do you promise not to try something like that again?"
I nodded. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. "Sleep?"
I nodded and yawned. Joshua giggled and let me free of his grasp. I crawled up to a pillow and gently lay my head on it.
I awoke to find that the sky had darkened and I heard Joshua talking in a hushed tone into his cell phone.
"He's fine really No, no, nothing happened. God, Raven! He
s fine. He isn't hurt Stop worrying. Nothing happened to us. He's back? Oh, ok. What? Shit. Stay somewhere tonight. Yeah, yeah. Promise? I'll be back tomorrow sometime. Oh my god! We're not going to have sex, pervert. You wish. Wait, where are you staying? What the hell? You're so weird Raven. As if. Okaay. I luurve you too."
I pushed myself onto my elbows and turned to look at Joshua. "What's going on?"
He smiled really big. "You're awake!"
I nodded and slid up so that I was sitting. I looked at him expectantly.
He played with his phone before looking up. "Um, Raven called and she was worried. About you." Those words hit me with such a force that I sucked in air and forgot to breathe. Joshua stared back at his phone. "Um." He looked at me. His eyes were filled with hurt. "My dad's back."
My eyes widened and I immediately scrambled up to go to the door. Joshua pulled me back and sat me on his lap. I squirmed and cried out feebly in protest. "I have to go back Joshua. He'll kill me if I don't. Please. Please Joshua let me go. I haven't been perfect."
Tears fell from my eyes. He was back. Only what? A moment of freedom? Joshua only held on to me tighter and softly stroked my arms. My crying subsided until I was only hiccuping. Joshua turned my head to face him. "I would never let you go back to him. Never Kevin. Never."
I stared at him. My expression was completely numb. He placed his lips quickly against mine. I realized that all Joshua was doing was caring for me. He was only taking my shit and I was emotionally draining him. I was giving him nothing back in return. I didn't know how to express this. I shook my head. Joshua's eyebrows knit together.
"What?"
I gulped. "You've been Just looking after me, I'm sorry. I'm so fucked up."
Joshua looked at me for a moment. "What are you sorry for?"
I grew frustrated, wasn't it obvious? "You're getting nothing out of this!"
Joshua raised his eyebrows and smirked. "Oh really?"
I nodded with vigor. Joshua giggled and picked me up to put me on the bed. He lay me down and sat on top of me. I felt his body so close to mine that I instantly felt butterflies rush to my stomach. He kissed my lips sweetly and I smiled when he pulled back.
He grinned. "Do I still get nothing out of it?"
Confusion passed my face and I pushed myself up to sit. "Yes."
Joshua sighed. "Okay, okay."
My eyes were wide when I stared into his green ones. He pushed his dick up against mine and I could feel that he was hard. I blushed insanely and felt myself hardening. Joshua smirked and whispered breathily into my ear. "Do I still get nothing out of it?"
I realized what he meant and tried to pull away. Joshua was confused but he let me go. I pushed him away and drew my knees up into my chest. "You just want me for sex."
I said it so bluntly that I could see that it hurt Joshua. He pushed himself up and off the bed. He began to pace around the room. My eyes followed him and I began to doubt Joshua's intentions for bringing me here. Joshua stopped and looked at me desperately.
"Why cant you trust me?"
My face fell. "I do."
Joshua shook his head. "No you don't. Everything I say, you turn it around."
I hid my face in my knees. "I'm sorry."
Joshua seemed to just stare at me. I looked up to see silent tears streak down his face. I scrambled off the bed and pulled Joshua into my arms. He just stood there. I let him go and stepped back. Joshua smiled sadly at me. "We'll never work will we?"
My eyes grew large. "What? No Joshua no."
He looked at the ground. "I don't really cry."
My heart broke. "I'm sorry Joshua, I'm so sorry."
He looked up at me again with his head cocked to the side. "Sorry for what?"
"Making you cry."
"So you're agreeing that this will never work?"
I felt some kind of animal take over because suddenly I pushed Joshua up against the wall and kissed him fiercely. He immediately kissed back, and we lost ourselves in the kiss. I pulled away. Joshua's eyes were shining and he smiled. "Is that a no?"
I nodded and kissed him once more.
We heard a buzzing coming from the counter. Joshua went to get it. He flipped over the phone. "Hello?"
He paused.
"Oh, hey. Yeah one second."
He passed the phone to me. I placed it against my ear. "Hello?"
"Kevie!!" It was Massie.
I smiled. "Hello Massie."
"Milly, Susan, Raven and your mom are all waiting in line to speak to you."
"Raven?" Why did she want to talk to me?
"Yeah Maybe you can kiss and make up?"
"Yeah" If she would let me. If I could let myself.
"Anywaay use protection."
My heart sped up. My mom was in the room. She didn't know I was gay. She was religious. She would tell my dad. My dad would god I didnt know what my dad would do. Joshua must have seen the startled expression on my face because he suddenly looked worried. "I have to go Massie bye."
I snapped the phone shut. Joshua looked at me curiously. "Why did you just hang up on Massie?"

I looked down at my shoes. "My mom doesn't know I'm gay and it's a sin"