Cute Is What the Gods Aim For

I lay beside Joshua, his arms wrapped around me. The sky was light grey so I guessed that it was dawn. I hadn't slept all night. My eyes weren't even tired. The only thing that ached was the open cut. Still open. I sighed softly and quietly wriggled out of Joshua's grasp. I opened the window and felt the soft dreamy night air wash over the room. I looked down at Joshua; he looked so beautiful when he slept. I bit my lip. I felt bad about before; but I didn't. I felt some evil creature inside of me boil and I nearly wanted to laugh at that fact that he had cried. I cringed. No. This was what I didn't want. This, this creature locked inside of me, it was worse than my struggle for perfection.
Before Joshua had fallen asleep nothing had gone farther than his hands running over my fat stomach, and mine doing equally so [although he wasn't fat]. I couldn't bring myself to let him go further. I just felt dirty. I wanted to give him something special, and some used thing, it's just not special. I tip-toed out of the room and down the stairs into the kitchen. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I slowly sipped it when I heard a car come up our driveway. I chewed on my lip and heard the front door slam.
My father was home.
My eyes widened slightly as we did have Massie, Jason, Raven, Susan and Joshua sleeping either in my room or the living room. I quickly hid my wrist behind my back as he entered the kitchen. He didn't bother turning on the light, however he did jump slightly when I turned the tap on to get another glass of water. He cleared his throat gruffly.
"Oh, hey Kevin."
I nodded. He continued walking when he stepped through the doorway and into the living room he froze and turned back to me.
"What are freaks doing in our living room?"
I inwardly cringed at the word freaks. "They needed a place to stay"
My father shook his head. "Sometimes you're too catholic son."
I'm not catholic at all.
I shook this thought and shrugged. He chuckled and shook his head again. He walked by the sleeping lumps, not very quietly I admit, and into my mothers room. I sighed. Everything was going to go back to what it usually was. No more friends crowded around me. I heard someone get up from the living room and walk into the kitchen. I made out that it was Massie. She sat down at the table and rubbed her eyes.
She tiredly looked at me. "What are you doing up?"
I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."
She looked at me for a moment. "Lots of shit?"
I smiled. "One way to put it."
She ran her fingers through her hair. "Jason and I have to go back home."
My face fell. I didn't know Massie that well, but she was a friend. I looked down at the ground. "Does Raven have to leave?"
Massie shook her head. "No, Joshua's mom has to take care of her."
I felt relief seep through out my body. I just got her again; I didn't want to lose her.
I smiled sadly at Massie. "I'll miss you."
She nodded. "I will miss all of you too. We'll come back to visit" She trailed off and sat, looking at the kitchen table. She looked up, "Kevin don't make it to hard on Joshua. That kid's gone through some shit Please. He loves you. I know I know change is hard but, please Kevin?"
I looked down at the tiled floor and nodded. She got up and hugged me fiercely. I buried my face in her shoulder.
"I don't know how to be normal."
She giggled. "No one does."
I giggled. "Raven knows how to be abnormal."
She smiled. "Raven knows how to be herself."
I nodded. Massie stepped away from me. "Get some sleep Kevie, and good night, morning what ever."
I smiled and waved to her retreating figure.
When she had disappeared from my view I slid down the counter and rested my head on my knees. It was all going back. This momentary break from school, this momentary break from reality, it was all coming back. Sure, I had gained a hell of a lot of things; sure, I had gotten the love of my life for real. But I dug my nails into the palm of my hand, but, all this happened in the comfort of my home, the comfort of Joshua. School was not the comfort in Joshua. It was the opposite.
Perfection wasn't as important to me; but fuck it still mattered. I bit my lip as I heard the soft padding of feet down the staircase. I stayed where I was. I saw a tall dark silhouette and made it out to be Joshua. He held out his hand, I looked pleadingly into his eyes. He slid down the counter to sit next to me. He kissed me lightly on the cheek.
"Whats wrong babe?"
I stared down at my feet. "I couldn't sleep."
He put his arm around me and I climbed into his lap. He pressed his lips softly to my neck. I sighed. He stopped and made me turn so that I was facing him.
"Babe, tell me what's wrong."
I shook my head slightly. "It's nothing."
Joshua sighed. "Babe"
I glared at him. "It's nothing Joshua."
I felt him cringe. Immediately I felt bad. "Sorry." I whispered.
He shrugs. I hang my head even lower. I was the one fucking this up.
"I'm sorry Joshua." I whisper softly.
Joshua stroked my arm lightly. "I am too."
I looked him the eyes. "For what?"
"For making you angry, pissing you off making this all so much harder."
I shook my head. "Joshua"
He looked back at me and softly smiled.
"I love you."
His face lit up and hugged me closer to him. He buried his face into my neck and I did likewise to him. I heard a muffled noise come from me neck and I pulled out slightly. "What?"
He kissed me softly. "I love you too."
I smirked and kissed his neck ever so lightly. He squirmed against my area. I pouted at him. He bit his lips slightly and pushed me back so that he was lying on top of me. His fingers danced over my chest. "So pretty"
I made a face which Joshua didn't see. He kissed my lips so that they were barely touching. I whined and Joshua grinned. "What do you want babe?"
"A proper kiss."
His lips were about to touch mine when someone walked loudly into the kitchen. Thinking it was my father I roughly pushed Joshua off and sat up quickly. My mother was in the doorway with a tired look on her face. Joshua stood and pulled me to my feet. He held onto my hand as I did likewise. My mother smiled sadly.
"You boys should get ready for school Its six in the morning, no point in going back to bed. Take a shower" She looked at Joshua, "Everyone needs to go home by tonight." She looked away, "Kevin's father is back."
I tugged on Joshua's hand to follow me, as I passed my mother I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. I pulled him up the stairs and into my room. We stared at my bed for a moment. There was a lump in it. A sleeping form. Joshua lightly poked it. It grumbled and an arm swatted at us. We poked it again and this time we heard to different grumbles.
My eyes widened. And I turned to look at Joshua. "Some people had sex in my bed."
Joshua's eyes equally widened. "Ew."
I nodded gravely. "Who do you think it is?"
Joshua's eyes narrowed playfully. "Raven. To get back at us."
I looked at him. "Should we disturb their after sex slumber?"
Joshua nodded grinning.
Together we pulled off the covers. What we saw was most certainly a shock and a disappointment. The figures were fully covered wrapped in each others arms, no longer sleeping because we disturbed their peace. The two figures were Miley and Susan. We stared at them with open mouths. Miley glared at us.
"Go have sex in the shower."
I pouted but Joshua pulled me into the bathroom. He smirked and we burst into fits of giggles.
"I never thought"
I looked slyly at Joshua. "Miley's bi."
His mouth formed an O and his brow furrowed. "Susan?"
I shrugged. He smiled and pulled me tightly against him. I stared into his eyes for a moment before resting my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes.
"Kevin"
I gripped tighter and hummed against his neck. He shivered and kissed the side of my forehead. I raised my head and kissed him lightly on the lips. He softly moaned and pushed me up against the wall without disconnecting our lips. I gripped his waist tightly and his hands trailed lightly along my sides. I felt myself shivering not only with anticipation or lust but also with love. As corny as that may sound, I felt myself melting under Joshua's touch. The kiss was soft and tender but filled with unspoken need. Joshua pulled back. I whined and pouted. He pecked me quickly.
"Take a shower."
I mock glared at him. "But you're the one that made me dirty."
He gasped. "Then it's your fault that I'm dirty!"
I shook my head impishly and slipped out from between him and the wall. I began to push my pajama pants down my hips when I looked up to find Joshua looking at me with wide eyes. I rolled my eyes and my hands stilled.
"What you looking at pervert?"
He giggled slightly. I frowned and stuck out my tongue. "Turn around."
He complied. "Wait, babe, what am I supposed to do while you're shower?"
I shrugged then realized he couldn't see me. "I dunno, jack off?"
I heard a loud laugh as I slid my shirt over my head. I giggled and turned on the shower. I nearly turned on the hot knob but then caught myself and stepped under the freezing cold spray. I silently gasped and shivered involuntarily. I felt the freezing water run through my scalp and I waited then suddenly I get a major brain freeze and my whole entire self relaxed. This was perfect. My fingers were turning numb and my lips most probably blue. I smiled with some sick nature at the thought of my skin turning blue and peeling off my flesh. I blinked. And felt my world crumbling. Not again. Not fucking again.
I cursed myself. This was exactly what I didn't want to happen. This is a tiny part of the reason why my insane artificial perfectness was better. I turned the stream of water off with shaking fingers. I felt my eyes close and willed my shaking to stop so that Joshua wouldn't worry. The last thing I wanted was for Joshua to worry.
"T-t-towel Joshu-u-ua." I shivered.
I saw a hand with a towel and grabbed at it greedily. I dried myself quickly and wrapped the creamy yellow towel around my waist. I stepped out from the shower to see Joshua leaning against the sink with his hands crossed over his chest. His face was blank. I stopped where I was with my hand suspended in mid air. My eyes were flooded with confusion.
"Whats wrong Joshua?" I softly whispered.
He continued to look at me blankly and then without looking at me he gently helped me out of the shower and he placed me in front of the mirror. My eyes brimmed with tears when I saw my reflection. I shut my eyes tightly and willed myself to disappear. I felt Joshua leave and heard him undressing then step into the shower, then a hiss of water. The room began to steam over. I looked down and opened my eyes. I moved away from the mirror to find a bundle of neatly folded clothes. I pulled them over my head and slid into the corner. I felt for my hair and felt that it was pretty much dry. I thanked whoever that I had straight hair and not curly hair.
I heard Joshua turn off the steaming water and step out of the shower. I dared not to look up. After about ten minutes I felt a soft touch on my hand. I looked up to see Joshua with tear stained eyes. I felt myself splitting and I reached out for him. He withdrew but continued to softly stroke my hand and then my face. I felt my throat choke up, close up and my eyes pricked with tears.
What was going on? What the hell was going on? I tried reaching for Joshua again but all he did was dodge my touch and pull me up to my feet. He gently wrapped his arms around me as constant tears ran down my face. Tears of utter confusion and frustration. I felt him pull back. I looked into his eyes. I searched, and searched for an answer. Joshua placed his lips softly on mine and lingered only for a moment before pulling back.
"I love you so fucking much Kevin." His voice was low and dripping with emotion.
I bit my lip but Joshua had already turned and closed the door softly behind him. He left me in the bathroom feeling at a complete loss. A complete and utter loss. I didnt know what to do. What to feel. What to think. Raven entered the room and immediately rushed to me. She cradled me in her arms.
"What happened?"
I shook my head and nearly choked on my own words. "I don't know."