Cute Is What the Gods Aim For

I watched Miley and Susan, school was nothing like I had expected it to be today. Everyone knew he was dead, no one cared...it was almost as if we were having a celebration about his depart.

People were wearing clothes they wouldn't have been caught dead in before, they were listening to music, and showing public displays of affection, screaming, laughing, throwing things-I couldn't believe my eyes. Even Susan and Miley were hugging up to each other and kissing and giggling and acting silly. Joshua was trying to hold my hand but I was still in my false sense of reality where I was not perfect but trying so hard.

"Hey Kevin." I looked up to see someone I didn't recognize wearing tight jeans and a black shirt with black tennis shoes. "It's me man." I squinted and realized it was Mike. Wow, he...looked good when he wasn't in 'catholic standard' attire.

"Oh...hey Mike." I took a step closer to Joshua without realizing it until Joshua wrapped his fingers through mine. "Sorry about your dad man." Mike said before he walked away. "What's going on Joshua?" I whispered and he smiled, "I think they're a little happy that they're no longer suppressed into being judgmental, cloned teenagers." He said back and kissed my cheek. "I was not a judgmental clone!" I pulled away from him. "Not...you..." Joshua tried to take back what he had just said about me and everyone else.

"You can't take that back Joshua! You know you meant it, don't lie to make me feel better." I pulled my hand away from his and walked into the building and to my first class, where I sat next to Raven and Joshua. Raven walked in and smiled, "Hey baby." She sat down and turned on her computer.

"Are you okay?" I looked at her and she shrugged, her best friend and her boyfriend left on the bus this morning. "Just need a substitute Massie for a while..." She shrugged and I laughed. Anyone would be lucky to fill in that spot for Raven; she was the most amazing girl I knew.

~**~

"Class this is Shane, her father is taking over the church." Mr. Burns, the music teacher told us. She was wearing a brown shirt and light jeans with converse and had a light brown bag around her shoulder. "She's going to play the piano for us, so I know which group to put her in." She sat down and started playing.

"Can I ask you a question please? Promise you won't laugh at me. Honestly, I'm standing here; afraid I'll be betrayed. As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams. So let in the morning light and let the darkness fade away. Can you turn my black roses red? Can you turn my black roses red?" I watched the girl with long curly hair play the piano and sing. Music class had never been this...beautiful.

I clapped and so did Raven. "Thanks." She mumbled and sat where Mr. Burns told her to, which was with me and Raven. But I think it was more because Massie's space was now empty.

She sat down and pulled out a large green notebook, and started sketching some picture in it. "I'm Raven." Raven whispered loudly to the new girl, Shane. She smiled, "Shane." She loudly whispered back. "Kevin." I extended my hand out to her. She took it. "You were amazing." Raven said after Mr. Burns gave out our assignment and told us to talk about it amongst ourselves.

"Thanks. I love Alana Grace." She smiled and I looked as her bag, for the first time noticing the acoustic guitar that was hanging from it.

"You play the guitar?" I asked and she nodded, "Yeah I learned when I was eight, you learn a lot when you're home schooled for most of your life." She bit her bottom lip and it made me think of Joshua always not letting me do that. "You wanna sit with us at lunch?" Raven asked and she nodded.

~**~

"Who's this?" Miley asked, pulling Susan to our tree. The group had gotten considerably larger. "This is Shane!" Raven told them, Shane's cheeks got a little redder and she smiled up at Susan and Miley who were smiling back. "Isn't it great?" Miley asked a few minutes later while pulling out the lunch my mother had made for her.

"What?" I didn't know what she thought was great, "Everything! Everyone's being themselves and...they're not scared to state their minds and have opinions anymore." Miley looked directly at me, in my school uniform with my neat hair and still trying to be something I was not. "No." I stood up and walked away, trying to find Joshua who hadn't come to lunch today.

"IT IS YOU KNOW YOU LIKE ITTTTT!" She yelled after me. I just ignored her.

I saw Joshua sitting on the ground in front of the school through a window. I went outside and sat down next to him, "Hey." I smiled and looked at the road. "Hey.
He replied. I guess he was right about us all being judgmental clones, just because he was right didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"I'm sor-" Joshua started to say but I leaned over and kissed his lips. He wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me close. I smiled and pulled away before anyone would see. He pouted. "Come on you have to meet Shane." I pulled him up and started skipping to his under-the-tree lunchtime spot.

Shane was playing her guitar when we walked up, "I'm sick and tired of writing songs about you, this is it this is the end. Take off your make-up and put down the camera; Choke on the drama that makes me want to tear up the pictures the pages you said created a life of chance and make believe. I have no place in my heart for a criminal like you to dwell and this endeavor--make this last forever. I'm just delirious, you can't be serious...you're so infamous for leaving me a mess. Take off your make-up and put down the camera; Choke on the drama that makes me want to tear up the pictures the pages you said created a life of chance and make believe. She get what she wants and she breaks what she gets, get out while you can or she'll tear you pieces."

"Wow." Joshua whispered and I smiled, that's what I had been thinking.

We joined the happy circle of our friends talking about how amazing Shane was while she sat there blushing.

"Come on Kevin." Raven stood up and told me to follow her.

So I stood up and followed her around the building. "Are you okay?" She asked a second later while we were walking side by side around the school building. "I think Joshua's mad at me." I whispered and she looked at me, "Maybe you should talk to him?" I nodded and she gave me a hug and went back to where everyone was sitting under the tree.

In a matter of less than 24-hours everything i had been taught growing up was being undermined and had been completely forgotten; I wasn't ready to let go of something I fought so hard for. Could he really be gone? Was this a temptation to get me to let my guard down and pounce on me at the last second. As I thought of these things I un-knowningly pulled my sweater sleeve up and was running my fingers over my wounds.

"What happened?" Someone whispered behind me, I turned around quickly to find Shane standing behind me. She was looking at my arm. "Um...nothing." I said and pulled my sleeve back down. "I have to go...do you mind not telling anyone about...this?" I asked and she nodded. "Wait." She said and I stopped and turned around again, she lifted her shirt up a little and showed me little scars that were all over her stomach, "Now you have..collateral." She said and I nodded and felt an urge to hug her. So I did.

The next thing I knew we were laying on the groud, bawling together and not saying a word. Just crying and hugging; hugging and crying-letting the cycle repeat. I don't know how long we lied there but when we got up no one was at the school anymore, not even the teachers. "I better get home, I don't want my dad to get mad or anything." I said and Shane nodded. "See you later." She said and walked her own way.

I wonder if we ever meet angels. People who amaze us to a point where we feel inferior in their presence-if we do then I have more then one in my life. People I don't ever want to give up.

~*~

"Hello Mother." I said when I walked into the kitchen, she just laughed and said, "He left again Kevin." I sighed in relief and then slumped down on one of the island chairs.

Everything was so much easier now when he wasn't around and that my mom was much more considerate of my feelings and sexual preferences.

"I called your friends to let them know they would be able to come over." She said and I smiled-this could be one of the best or maybe the worst night of my life...with Joshua mad at me and Shane and everyone changing literally overnight...who knows what's going to happen?