‹ Prequel: Cute Is What the Gods Aim For
Nothings Gunna Change My World
Seven
Joshua's POV
School on Saturdays, can someone please stick a needle in my eye and hope to die? The Parents Association came up with the idea of sticking us goody toe shoe Christian kids into school on Saturday so that we don't get into mischief. Because the leader of the Christian kids cult doesn't come high to school every single fucking day or anything.
I didn't want to go, not just because it was school, but I had to pass him in the hall. That lying bastard. Raven, being the bitch, told me that I had to go to show him that I didn't give a fuck. Of course I gave a fuck! But, since when has my family shown that they care? Probably never, I doubt my father even showed any kind of emotion while he was fucking Kevin up the ass. Or maybe that was another lie that he created.
I'm not stupid. Don't fucking get me wrong, Im pretty smart. I know my eyes don't lie, so I know that Kevin is now apparently straight and that he was raped in my room by my dead dad. But, once you've been lied to once, a seed of doubt gets placed in your brain you cant get it out. And so here I was, walking to school with my lover of a cousin, thinking whether or not Kevin was actually being raped by my dad, or was it set up?
"Joshua?"
"Yeah Raven?" I continued to stare forward at the pavement, trying to step on all the cracks.
"Get the fuck out of your deep thoughts."
I chuckled and smirked towards her. "What did you think of Mr. Step Dad?"
Raven snorted. "Are you serious? Hes a lump of nothing, there is nothing to think of him because he is as dull as a fucking church service!"
I giggled. "But I love the church services!!" I mocked Kevin in his high pitched excited voice that used to make my stomach do flips. I grinned at Raven but she was looking at me with a sad expression.
"Oh Joshua."
My expression turned stony. "I don't fucking care about that son of a bitch Raven."
She tenderly took my hand and smiled sadly at me, "Neither do I, Joshua."
She looked down at the pavement and a dark spot dropped on the pavement. Raven was crying. Emotion choked me. I stopped moving and pulled Raven into a tight hug. She shook softly and clutched my t-shirt. I placed my head on her shoulder and smelt her hair which reminded me of his old smell. I gripped Raven. I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut. Tears leaked through my eyelids and wet my cheeks. I shook from trying to keep from sobbing. The pain gripped me. I choked out, "I loved him Raven."
She cried harder and whispered, "I loved him too."
I abruptly pushed her away and we looked at each other through our blotchy red eyes. We turned and pretended that nothing had just happened. We walked by all the students and Raven handed me a bag of makeup, I then proceeded into the bathroom. There was a girl in the boys bathroom. I stared at her for a second. She was his girlfriend. I knew I looked like a mess. Kevin was fixing his hair and looked a bit out of it because he was giggling softly to what she was saying. He was high. Duh Joshua.
I avoided their gazes and splashed water on my face, and then I carefully reapplied my makeup. I stared at my reflection for a second before smirking. As good as new.
----
I miraculously got it through the day without hitting Kevin, and without seeing my boy toy because we don't have any classes together and at lunch I had a detention. Finally I was released out of the school, I had gotten myself another detention in the detention, and I was able to breathe fresh air again.
Alec was waiting for me with raised eyebrows. I smirked. "What?"
"Someones a bad boy." Alec winked.
I shook my head with a grin and walked by him. He grinned and slid his hand into my pocket. Something in me itched. I slid my hand into that same back pocked and pulled it out, instead holding hands. Alec pouted at me but shrugged it off. I wasn't in the mood for sex.
We got to my house and for some reason I was so tired. I just needed to sleep. I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it. I smiled. Better. Alec grinned at me and pulled me close, I made a face. "I'm smoking hun."
He grinned. "I know, I like it when you smell like smoke."
I looked at him. "No you don't."
He frowned. "What's wrong? Are you PMSing?"
I rolled my eyes. "No."
"Dude, you aren't acting like yourself."
"What, like the horny little fuck buddy you ordered."
Alec shook his head at me with a disgusted expression. "I knew this would happen."
"What?" I sucked on my cancer stick.
"You want a relationship."
I looked at him strangely. "Uh, no?"
Alec glared at me. "Then just fucking tell me whats wrong."
I narrowed my eyes. "Alec. Some things I don't want to tell. So just fuck off."
He sighed and looked at me weirdly. I stared back with a blank expression. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. "You're my best friend Joshua."
I kissed his forehead. "As you are mine hun."
Alec lifted his face towards mine and I softly kissed his lips. "I think its best you leave Alec."
He nodded and slipped out my arms. As he left the room I heard him flip open his phone and say; "Hey Kevin - yeah... you still doing costumers..." I just shook my head at Alec. I lit another cancer stick. I was just going to smoke and sit. Sit and smoke, whichever order. I flipped through the channels because I had nothing better to do. Boring, huh?
Kevin.
I shook my head and tried to think of something else. I couldn't. Every single fucking thing on TV reminded me of him in some absurd way. Like a commercial for yogurt. How my twisted mind got Kevin from yogurt, you'll have to consult my psychiatrist. Just kidding, you can't, I killed him. Har di har, tricked you didn't I?
Talking to myself was helping the situation any more. Booze could solve that. I grinned and with a cancer stick hanging from my lips I went to the liquor cabinet and picked the lock with a safety pin hanging off of my belt loops. I stared at the pretty bottles staring me in the face. Rum. Yum. I grabbed the bottle and without caring took a swig. I winced slightly as it slid down my throat but otherwise I handled this stuff like a pro.
I retreaded into my room and decided to drown my sorrows. I didn't actually have sorrows, just anger. It was so built up by now that I trembled. I had drunk enough to be well off my face. I took another swig of rum before throwing it with all of my force into my wall. I drunkenly grinned as the bottle hit the wall with a satisfying smash and the brownish liquid spread around my floor and wall. I inhaled the alcohol. What a life.
I decided that I did indeed want to associate myself with human beings once again.
So I left the house in search of Susan or Raven. Knowing Alec was off somewhere fucking.
Thoughts came to me in streams.
They were broken and messy.
I could only think of one noun.
Kevin.
School on Saturdays, can someone please stick a needle in my eye and hope to die? The Parents Association came up with the idea of sticking us goody toe shoe Christian kids into school on Saturday so that we don't get into mischief. Because the leader of the Christian kids cult doesn't come high to school every single fucking day or anything.
I didn't want to go, not just because it was school, but I had to pass him in the hall. That lying bastard. Raven, being the bitch, told me that I had to go to show him that I didn't give a fuck. Of course I gave a fuck! But, since when has my family shown that they care? Probably never, I doubt my father even showed any kind of emotion while he was fucking Kevin up the ass. Or maybe that was another lie that he created.
I'm not stupid. Don't fucking get me wrong, Im pretty smart. I know my eyes don't lie, so I know that Kevin is now apparently straight and that he was raped in my room by my dead dad. But, once you've been lied to once, a seed of doubt gets placed in your brain you cant get it out. And so here I was, walking to school with my lover of a cousin, thinking whether or not Kevin was actually being raped by my dad, or was it set up?
"Joshua?"
"Yeah Raven?" I continued to stare forward at the pavement, trying to step on all the cracks.
"Get the fuck out of your deep thoughts."
I chuckled and smirked towards her. "What did you think of Mr. Step Dad?"
Raven snorted. "Are you serious? Hes a lump of nothing, there is nothing to think of him because he is as dull as a fucking church service!"
I giggled. "But I love the church services!!" I mocked Kevin in his high pitched excited voice that used to make my stomach do flips. I grinned at Raven but she was looking at me with a sad expression.
"Oh Joshua."
My expression turned stony. "I don't fucking care about that son of a bitch Raven."
She tenderly took my hand and smiled sadly at me, "Neither do I, Joshua."
She looked down at the pavement and a dark spot dropped on the pavement. Raven was crying. Emotion choked me. I stopped moving and pulled Raven into a tight hug. She shook softly and clutched my t-shirt. I placed my head on her shoulder and smelt her hair which reminded me of his old smell. I gripped Raven. I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut. Tears leaked through my eyelids and wet my cheeks. I shook from trying to keep from sobbing. The pain gripped me. I choked out, "I loved him Raven."
She cried harder and whispered, "I loved him too."
I abruptly pushed her away and we looked at each other through our blotchy red eyes. We turned and pretended that nothing had just happened. We walked by all the students and Raven handed me a bag of makeup, I then proceeded into the bathroom. There was a girl in the boys bathroom. I stared at her for a second. She was his girlfriend. I knew I looked like a mess. Kevin was fixing his hair and looked a bit out of it because he was giggling softly to what she was saying. He was high. Duh Joshua.
I avoided their gazes and splashed water on my face, and then I carefully reapplied my makeup. I stared at my reflection for a second before smirking. As good as new.
----
I miraculously got it through the day without hitting Kevin, and without seeing my boy toy because we don't have any classes together and at lunch I had a detention. Finally I was released out of the school, I had gotten myself another detention in the detention, and I was able to breathe fresh air again.
Alec was waiting for me with raised eyebrows. I smirked. "What?"
"Someones a bad boy." Alec winked.
I shook my head with a grin and walked by him. He grinned and slid his hand into my pocket. Something in me itched. I slid my hand into that same back pocked and pulled it out, instead holding hands. Alec pouted at me but shrugged it off. I wasn't in the mood for sex.
We got to my house and for some reason I was so tired. I just needed to sleep. I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it. I smiled. Better. Alec grinned at me and pulled me close, I made a face. "I'm smoking hun."
He grinned. "I know, I like it when you smell like smoke."
I looked at him. "No you don't."
He frowned. "What's wrong? Are you PMSing?"
I rolled my eyes. "No."
"Dude, you aren't acting like yourself."
"What, like the horny little fuck buddy you ordered."
Alec shook his head at me with a disgusted expression. "I knew this would happen."
"What?" I sucked on my cancer stick.
"You want a relationship."
I looked at him strangely. "Uh, no?"
Alec glared at me. "Then just fucking tell me whats wrong."
I narrowed my eyes. "Alec. Some things I don't want to tell. So just fuck off."
He sighed and looked at me weirdly. I stared back with a blank expression. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. "You're my best friend Joshua."
I kissed his forehead. "As you are mine hun."
Alec lifted his face towards mine and I softly kissed his lips. "I think its best you leave Alec."
He nodded and slipped out my arms. As he left the room I heard him flip open his phone and say; "Hey Kevin - yeah... you still doing costumers..." I just shook my head at Alec. I lit another cancer stick. I was just going to smoke and sit. Sit and smoke, whichever order. I flipped through the channels because I had nothing better to do. Boring, huh?
Kevin.
I shook my head and tried to think of something else. I couldn't. Every single fucking thing on TV reminded me of him in some absurd way. Like a commercial for yogurt. How my twisted mind got Kevin from yogurt, you'll have to consult my psychiatrist. Just kidding, you can't, I killed him. Har di har, tricked you didn't I?
Talking to myself was helping the situation any more. Booze could solve that. I grinned and with a cancer stick hanging from my lips I went to the liquor cabinet and picked the lock with a safety pin hanging off of my belt loops. I stared at the pretty bottles staring me in the face. Rum. Yum. I grabbed the bottle and without caring took a swig. I winced slightly as it slid down my throat but otherwise I handled this stuff like a pro.
I retreaded into my room and decided to drown my sorrows. I didn't actually have sorrows, just anger. It was so built up by now that I trembled. I had drunk enough to be well off my face. I took another swig of rum before throwing it with all of my force into my wall. I drunkenly grinned as the bottle hit the wall with a satisfying smash and the brownish liquid spread around my floor and wall. I inhaled the alcohol. What a life.
I decided that I did indeed want to associate myself with human beings once again.
So I left the house in search of Susan or Raven. Knowing Alec was off somewhere fucking.
Thoughts came to me in streams.
They were broken and messy.
I could only think of one noun.
Kevin.